..:: i've got the mic ::..

ahhh, how funny things tend to be.

the timing sucks. on numerous things. not just the one.
- the one thing that bothers me most
- the moving thing
- the softball thing
- the SAT thing
- the me not fucking getting my scholarship//award stuff in on time.
--will i still get it? i hope so. its ONLY 2 wks late. if i were them i'd be like, hmm real dependable you are. DECEPT! i will cry.


on a lighter note, Spill Canvas/ SLR concert was fun. especially getting in and having no ticket.
I love Thaimi Fina && Brett Micheal Schwartz.
yes i let out your identities which will now be stolen.
- Bed Ty- Me stories??
- Pablo, Pedro, Pancakes, Porkchops, and Pornography. Thats how you know it was a good day

back to the heavier note. hah.

i've never been more confused in my life.

this is a bit overwhelming.

andddddd who was told to do ALL of the history stuff except what was actually due? I was. Who was amazing and still got it done by 25? I did.

We play Plant tomorrow. I dont want to. I'm gonna beg the coach to bench me. Fuck being a starter. I don't careeee. I've been one since sophomore year, it's nothing special. Anyways, my ankle is bothering me again. Runnign on it wasnt too smart. Yes Caitlin, it's the one I jammed and was swollen. I never saw a doctor.

I wish I was naive again. Ignorance is bliss.
Growing up and seeing everything for how it truly is sucks. Being realistic sucks. Realistically, I doubt it will happen. Funniest part, I actually went out and said what i feel first. Ah, so that's why I never do that. Great reminder.
I want to move, yet I dont. I want to get out of here so bad. Away from fake. The fake people with their fake friendships, laughs and smiles. How nice starting over will be. I'll be with people I dont know me. They don't know my past. Or my "friends". They can't remind me of my screw ups in the past. Draw Back: They can't share the memories or see how much i really have changed.

So I was lying there, in bed, trying to sleep. Unsuccessful because I was lost in thought. Then I was interrupted. A somewhat pointless 2 hr conversation later,........
so now i'm stuck listening to acoustic songs about love triumphs and failures.There's one that sticks. checkkkk the music i'm listening to now. Can you tell why?

Edit:: I lost almost 10 lbs this week. Funny when you lose an appetite and start working alot. I'm happy. I feel good. 5 more lbs to go b4 i'm at my ideal weight! yay!

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to the First Level of Hell - Limbo!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

First Level of Hell - Limbo

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Charon ushers you across the river Acheron, and you find yourself upon the brink of grief's abysmal valley. You are in Limbo, a place of sorrow without torment. You encounter a seven-walled castle, and within those walls you find rolling fresh meadows illuminated by the light of reason, whereabout many shades dwell. These are the virtuous pagans, the great philosophers and authors, unbaptised children, and others unfit to enter the kingdom of heaven. You share company with Caesar, Homer, Virgil, Socrates, and Aristotle. There is no punishment here, and the atmosphere is peaceful, yet sad.

okay, just bc its new years eve i suppose i should update w/ a reflection of the year.

the beginning was, well, shitty.
people who i thought were my friends werent. someone was trying to ruin my chances at relationships with mutual friends and yeah.
it all came to pass though.and by that i mean, i despise my old "friends" and realized that theres no one at HHS worth it. :-/ man, do i sound like a bitch. oh well. truth hurts.
that led to me to end hanging out with much of the junior class, and start hanging out with the seniors. its so much better this way.theyre more fun, less clique-y, and just nicer people.
dont get me wrong, i still hang out with a few juniors in our class but only the ones who ARENT fake and are just truely amazing. I would like to recognize these people (dont they feel honored!): Caitlin!, Kraemer, Brandon, VIESH!!!!, NoL, Oli, Evan, Juan, Paco, Mari, Holly, Maddie, Neel, Jew, Wallach, Emelie...and thats all i can think of. (pretty much D's JA and a few other selected individuals)
love life has gone well this year though. dated a bunch, fell for a few, continued learning what im truely looking for. haha went out with kyle, jimmy, and now ross. kyle is....kyle. not much more to say. jimmy is still a good friend who's there when i need a shoulder to cry on, or a house to party at. hah. and ross. oh how i adore him. its had its ups and downs but as for now its getting better. he keeps me on my toes. :]
the best friend aspect. well, after ending the whole bus ride stuff, a few ties were severed bc of a few bitchy IB kids and a few middleton kids. however, we're still good friends despite them so FUCK ALL OF YOU! hah. they know who they are. it may have lost the bes friend aspect. im not sure anymore. bc things are hidden from me. but from them to. like the smoking. and sexual stuff. and. yea, im disappointed in you. just so you know.its gonna take quite a bit of work to regain my trust again.
then theres erica, charity, and mandie lee. oh i love these girls more then anyone!we're trouble buddies but i have the most fun with them then anyone. theyre the most true, genuine people ive ever met. ah good times. at the beach and bowling and bucs games and yeahhh...
family life. WOW its been rough. awol, cousin fighting in Iraq, severe cancer, serious strokes, disease and death. this was by far the hardest year to come by. i dont think so many parts of me have ever felt so empty. luckily we've all been able to come together and lean on each other. and we've had good times, dont get me wrong but this year the bad def. out weighed the good. but thats what you have to come through. thats the real challenge. the fact that although some of us are now missing, we came together, and wont forget them. theyre still mentioned and everything. we've had additions too. welcome to the family matt (what a wedding!), and Jenn, Zoey and Ian. funny how both siblings found love at the same time. talk about irony. also we kinda adopted Travis into our family as well since he doesnt have one anymore besides his brother who married my cousin. They survived a christmas with us! oh theyre def. in!.
yeah, that just about sums up my year.

new years resolutions:
physical:get fit. not so hard. ive had a head start. :]
emotional: get stronger. dont stay bottled up.
mental: learn. start to make something spectacular of urself.

now, lets go party.

What does your handwriting say about YOU?

although obscurred to the rest.
i see you for how you truely are.
what others are too oblivious to see.
your fictitious face is kept on around them.
oh, but while lurking in the shadows of your confinement
i have discovered you with your mask torn off.
everything revealed, the analyzation of you inside and out.
inside the depths of popularity
it is clear that you have not friends, but minions.
minions who, in your own words, mean nothing to you.
just another crack in the walk
kept there for the mere comfort of having someone on your side.
oh, but fairweather friend
how quickly they are struck from behind,
unable to learn the perpetrator.
the perpetrator.
the one with the deep eyes, mastering the art of acting.
with this keen mastery you have, you've manipulated what is seen.
true feelings and intentions left in the shadows.
false sympathy and compassion is the next scene.
the star mustn't take the fall!
passed onto another, unsuspecting minion.
however not just any, oh no.
the one.
the one who, through naivity, stands by the side of this villan.
refusing to see what truth is shone.
the one who has solved your enigma of thoughts and intentions.
oh but it cant be.
the art is too cleverly performed.
making the act of acceptance a struggle.
a struggle to not unmask you before them all.
a struggle to not leave you cold.
but most of all
a struggle to not see past the words spoken which were fallen for.
...i will not reveal a name.










this is what happens when cold, tension, medication, and MDX are mixed.

Today was really tiring.
I got out of bed because i was panicky

I feel sad, because Sarah and Britney are complete bitches. They told everyone I have an STD, just because I slept with both of their boyfriends on Saturday night.

I'm so hardcore. Me and Buzz went to the mall today, and I stole a whole heap of stuff. I got a Good Charlotte CD, a couple of DVDs and some new boots. Buzz got caught, but he fought his way out, and then we stole some lady's car and smashed it into a phone booth.

Last night I had to finish my term paper on the history of pre-communist Russian society. I focussed on the needs of women. I think it's ok, but if I don't pass this I'll lose my scholarship.

I want to tell the world that I love you all! You're all so special to me!

I am sharpening my knives before I go to work today, because I'm going to cut out Robert's heart and feed it to him for losing my mail.

Today, I got a digital camera! Yes! But I don't know how to work it. Can you help me?

I want to say thanks to simon and Abbey and Dave and the other Simon for helping me on Saturday. You guys are the best. By the way, if you happen to find my wallet, keys or underwear, could you SMS me? Adrian has my number.

I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have bipolar disorder, and a healthy imagination.

You should all do this quiz! It's amazingly accurate. You just put in your name and birthday, and it will tell you what your favourite sexual position is.

Type something here.

That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with this thought - sharing your life with strangers on the internet is the cheapest form of therapy available. Leave a comment and tell me I'm beautiful.

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ten years ago:
I was six. I attended Beauclare Elementary/ University Christian School in Jacksonville. (I switched mid-way in year, hence why i attended 2 schools). I had one of the best teachers ever. Mrs. Mcdonald. and YES she did have a farm. She took us all to her house for a field trip and we had scavenger hunts and everything. It was amazing. Oh, and I got a Barbie DreamHouse that year...Ohh those were the daysss.

five years ago:
i was eleven and i was in 6th grade at Bishop Larkin Catholic School. I was in the "popular" clique there. I was on the schools volleyball, basketball, and cheerleading squad, while still playing softball for Keystone/Citrus Park. I was best friends with Brittany Cobb. My other "friends" turned on me after that summer minus Britt and Jackie. Oh, and I had my first surgery bc my body was rejecting most food I ate....

one year ago:
I was 15. I proposed to Gast. Had the most AMAZING Wilson per 17 JA and the BEST english teacher everrr (Sarrett). It was a fun year, minus the social school part 2nd nine weeks. My opinions of many have changed. I trust very few people any more bc of that.

yesterday:
fun. Lunch= REALLY funny despite some drama. I was with Ross, Jimmy, Erica, Micha, Adam and a few others last night. I love them soo much. And Ross is ggreat. Oh and I got to see LOGANFACE!!!!!

snacks i enjoy:
CAESAR SALAD
FFRUIT
french fries
cheese (not american tho)

what i would do with a million dollars:
buy my dream house
set up a college fund for chris (Im planning on scholarship)
buy a new car
give some to charity
save the remainder
(((a million dollars wont even buy all this tho)))

five places i would run away to:
Italy
St. Augustine
Hendersonville, NC.
Hawaii
the Virgin Is.

five things i would never wear:
Ghetto clothes.
those ugly ballerina shoes.
a popped collar
a 1 piece bathing suit
..uhm.. logans boxers? idk. I ran out of ideas.

five bad habits:
adhd
indecisiveness
timing
ocd
procrastination

five favorite toys:
cell phone
computer
horse
ipod
my car
legos.

ten people to tag:
LOGAN

who ever

I dont update this one...Like I said, I like xanga better. Oh well...


The wedding was AMAZING! OMG. Haha The bartender was cuteeeeeee too. Oh well.
I love my cousins. Especially when we're all... drunk. Italians= BEST PEOPLE EVERRRR....
I'm getting pictures.
OH. I reallyyyy like her new husband Matt. He's so sweet and good looking.It was adorable. He cried at his own wedding. ...They were picked up in a '44 De Soto! :-O !!! SOOOO nice!
NC > what FL will EVER be...


I miss Ross. I get to see him this weekend though. I'm excited! <33. He's absolutely adorable.
It's funny, he acts just like my guy friends do but..idk. He makes fun of me bc im a nerd lol and he gets jealous over other guys. Its cute. I was thinking about it earlier today when I was playing with the flower he bought me.... Almost 2 months.
I adore my boyfriend <3.

It's a learnign process. Gimme time to break him in. HAH.

I was ranking all of the previous ones I've had based off looks. He is by far the hottest. Then Adam.. Then Kyle.... I dont feel like naming off the rest of the list


OMG! I Saw Adam the other day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 He was at the mall w/ his friend. I miss him too! Him and I have one of the best relationships after breaking up. He was like Lauren, anyone I need to beat up for ya? No dear, not yet. haha.





This entry was pointless.

1.Name someone with the same birthday as you:
Mr. D!

2.Where was your first kiss?
First real kiss, cruise ship.

3.Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property?
No.

4.Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
haha who, me?

5.Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people?
yes

6.What's the first thing you notice about the preferred sex?
looks (more specifically, eyes and hair)

7.What really turns you on?
wouldnt u like to know.

8.What do you order at Starbucks?
mocha frappucino

9.What is your biggest mistake?
hah. no comment. feelings would be hurt.

10.Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
maybe...

11.Say something totally random about yourself.
the bucs won and i lost my voice. if thats not good enough, im watching Not Another Teen Movie.

12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
Yep

13.Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
mhm

14.Did you have braces?
three years bia.

15.Are you comfortable with your height?
sure

16.What is the most romantic thing someone of the opposite sex has done for you?
hm Sickles hc night was awefully romantic.. guess u wouldve had to have been there

17.When do you know it's love?
like i know...

18.Do you speak any other languages?
sort of.

19.Have you ever been to a tanning salon?
nope. my tan is actually real UNLIKE some of the ppls in IB

20.What magazines do you read?
None regularly

21.Have you ever ridden in a limo?
no :'(

22.Has anyone you were really close to passed away?
yes. last night actually.

23.Do you watch mtv?
yeah sure

24.What's something that really annoys you?
hypocracy and liars.

25.What's something you really like?
my work/people i work with

26.Do you like Michael Jackson?
i like his older music.

27.Can you dance?
Sure :)

28.What's the latest you have ever stayed up?
alnighter for 72hrs

29.Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?
nope

30.Do you actually read these when other people fill them out?
generally, yeah

What did you expect me to do?  Roll over and say "that's okay, treat me like shit if it pleases you." Oh no wait. That's my job remember.
Or atleast that's what you tell everyone (i.e. Stueve, Sarah Beth, Emily, etc..) And you wonder why they continue to hate me and/or talk bad about me because of the filth you say to pollute their minds.
 Oh aren't you the sweet one. I'm oh so glad we're BEST friends.
You know, I'm a fool. That I do admit to.
I believed every lie you ever uttered out of your mouth for three years.  Every false action you made. I fell for it.Who was I to think you actually cared about me?  I mean, every girl you have ever dated has only been because of alterior motives deep inside your mind. You never liked any of them. They just made you "happy". Lust is a beautiful thing...
 I am but a fool. No more now. There will never be a you and I ever again. I can promis you that. This friendship will never be what it once was. I won't let it.
Did you realize I've broken up with people for you?
That's okay. I won't happen this time. I've found someone I really like. I won't screw this one up for you.
Go ahead, say she talks about you behind ur back. Gossip. You're wonderful at this art that crushes so many.

So this is the end to false hopes, false emotions, false friendships.....

I hope you're happy.