Over the weekend Ive been getting several emails from fedex telling me my job profile has matched up with some new job postings. So I applied to one data entry job. Its fulltime unlike the others which were part time but they were night shifts so I couldnt take them due to my school schedual. But then this morning I got one saying Ive matched up with another. Its a part time position as a Waybill clerk. Sounds basically what Im already doing in the collections department. I deal a lot with waybills. Printing them off, researching them, faxing them etc. But the BEST thing about this job is its in the customs department. Right up my ally. And the very department Ive been hoping to get into since Ive started school. Its my back up plan. Work in with FedEx trade networks in the customs department if I dont get into border services.
Speaking of which...second semester of my course starts tomorrow. In a way Im glad but the same time Im not ready to go back lol. I really just want it over with. But Im nervous cause my teacher kept warning us that the first semester is the cake walk. The real test is the next two semesters. Im finished in June...for good so here's hoping that 1) it goes quick and 2) I pass and 3)maybe...just maybe I'll get honours. Im doing great so far. I got 100% in Customs and 97% in Immigration. I'm curious to know where I lost that 3% but its no biggie.
Honestly...Im so glad the holidays are over. In a way Im happy Im going back to work cause I need the money but at the same time, Im going to miss sleeping in and such.
Anyway.
My christmas was nice. Rich and I did xmas at our own places then exchanged gifts on firday after we went to watch I Am Legand. I got him a nice shirt and ties for his job interviews and if he needs them for the job. One of the ties came with the shirt but its a little more formal and white so I told him if he needs to go to a christening or wedding he could wear that one. I have another tie in my closet for him but I didnt give it to him because Im waiting on the shirt to come in stalk at Tip Top Tailors. Its a wicked blue with a ribbed texture. They showed me other tops that are "Close" to the colour but they're not nearly as nice as the one I saw. but they didnt have them in his size so I got the guy at the store close to my house to write down my info to call me when he gets them in stock next. So depending on when they come in it may be his anniversery or birthday gift.
For xmas he got me a pair of pearl earings and a single pearl on a gold chain necklace. I dont normally like pearls but because its from him I love them. Unfortunatly the chain was so fine and delicate it broke after only a few days :(. So I just have to replace the chain, luckly I caught the pearl.
Anyway.. um..oh I Am Legand was ok. Not great not awful...just ok. I didnt know it was a zombie movie going in...and I dont think many people knew that either.
Im barely on facebook these days but I was on today and checking out my ex's profile since we barely talk anymore, cause I was reading a note he posted about this wholesale business he's in and how people are "too dumb for their own good" cause they wont join him in "making extra money on a part-time basis" Anyway...I got an interesting surprise. He's engaged. I knew he was talking about it before...since last spring. But he'd always tell me Id be the first to know. I knew that wasnt true but...I figured I'd know from his own words either way. Not facebook. Im not bitter or upset. I mean, Im over him in that way. It just sucks to be reminded yet again that we werent nearly as close as we thought we were...or I thought we were I should say. I can honestly say that we dont talk anymore because he's with her. Not because im with Richard. At first I started thinking it was my fault and i was the bad friend. But its not me. Its him. When he was with her the first time arouund, he stoped talking to me. He honestly just dissapeared off the face of the earth until they broke up. I didnt even find out until after the fact...way after that they were living together. So Im not exactly surprised that its happening again. Im just not as hurt this time around.
Even though last summer ('06) we had that conversation where he said he'd want me at his wedding...I never truely expected to be invited. I feel that more so now than ever.
He didnt even pop up on msn to say "Hey, how are you? guess what?" I mean...he told me he was thinking of asking her from the start. Why not say anything now? i dont know. Im probably thinking too much about it all. I shouldnt expect anything from him.
Like I said...its just dissapointing to know that someone you cared about and loved for so long really isnt the friend you thought they were.
It also reinstates the fact that it seems that everyone from my high school class are either engaged, married, or pregnant...or both. Im....still here.
hmm...well I havent written here in a REALLY long ass time. yea Im still alive and kicking.
I donno I guess, dispite having stuff worthy of writing about, I just havent felt much like doing it. Many times I'd start an entry and just abandon it later. *shrug*
Not like I have much to report now really. I just started working at Fedex about 2 months ago. Its an ok job. Its not overly borring, nor well much to write about.
School wise, Im done for the semester. Start again in january. Up until mid terms everything was pretty laid back and easy going. Midterms came and everyone was freaking out worried that we didnt have a whole lot to study in our notes cause the teacher spent most of the begining of the semester fucking around by repeating his classes for "those who werent here". but then after mid terms, he piled us with crap. We started looking into the criminal code. Shit. Fucking legal jargon. makes no sence sometimes!
Anyway...finals came and I was REALLY worried cause of the ammount of work he threw at us. That and I had missed two classes so I was a little lost. but i got the notes so it was all good.
But the funny thing about this teacher......he doesnt give a shit. AT ALL. During one of the mid terms he actually walked out of the class room...several times. He knew people would cheat. He really doesnt care. I guess its cause he knows that even with the certificate in our hands, it doesnt guarantee us a job what so ever. It helps...but not 100%.
anyway...its over for now.
Honestly, I cant wait til xmas is over with. Ive just been feeling stressed and down that I just want spring to come and the holidays to end.
Got confirmation that the interview will be in person so I have to make my way up there. So I asked my mom if she could drive me up there on Sunday cause during the week she needs to be here to pick up my niece and I dont exactly want to take a bus trip up there just yet. Besides, the way the Greyhound schedule is up there, I'd be forced to either make sure we rush the interview (which wouldn't fly) or stay over night (also wont fly).
So as I was seeing my mom off to work as I do every night, she started to do what I had a feeling she would. She said "why dont you look at the funeral homes around here?". I've told her several times that 1) there arent many funeral homes in our area or the neighboring towns and 2) these people are looking for NOW and not the end of April as these others are.
I have a big feeling that she doesnt want me to move out. Just further proves my thoughts about her little freak out about Richard "luring" me away. Whatever. If I get this job, I will be going. End of story.
Apparently there is a "possibility of living accommodation's" but in my interview I will be asking not only to see the place, but whether or not there are rules attached to it. There likely are, but I think my deal breaker will be (other than how it looks) guests. If they allow guests at all (some funeral homes dont allow their staff to have visitors) and if they do, is there a certain time they need to leave.
I would want my friends and boyfriend to come stay with me whenever I felt like it and not have to worry about curfews and having them kicked out and such.
Im sure my mom would strongly encouraged me to live there, but we have to see about that. I'd really rather live on my own.
Im not so much scared about it anymore I guess. I dont know where this confidence came from but its peaking through.
Anyway, I better get to bed. Got a long day tomorrow :D. Valentine's Day comes early this weekend! ::happy dance::
For the past few days I've been in contact with the manager of a funeral home that is looking to hire an intern. They're actually looking to hire someone asap, so it's perfect for me. Only one problem. It's in a small town, nearly 2hours away from here.
I've thought about the possibility of moving away from home for a job several times before. Although I'd be excited at the concept of living on my own for a year, I also have my reservations. My biggest issue is the thought of moving away to a town where I dont know anyone, dont know the area, or anything. Im fairly isolated as it is now lol. Now take my family, friends and my boyfriend 2hours away and I think I'll go crazy as a loon.
That last point is my second cause for hesitation. I've just started a relationship with someone Im beginning to truly care about. Someone I was complaining that I never got to see him in the first two weeks of our relationship. If I move away, seeing him will be so far in between it wont even be funny.
I've asked him already, before I really knew this could actually be a possibility. I asked him hypothetically what would he do or how would he feel if I had to move away. At first he took it as a reason to just end relationship. He felt that long distance relationships dont work. But as we talked about it more, I think he began to realize just how he felt about me and completely changed his mind. He said that we should at least try keep it going and make it work between us, no matter where I am. He would come up and visit me whenever he could and I would come home to see him and my family whenever I could. Of course, he's not happy that I would be gone, but he would be willing to do everything in his power to make it work. For that Im so greatful to have him.
The biggest thing I think Im excited about is the idea of moving out and living on my own. The manager had written me back today asking me to get back to him with a time and date for an interview. So I wrote him back to find out if I need to go there or if it will be over the phone. In the same email I had asked him if there would be any accommodation at the home. That would be convenient cause then I likely wouldn't have to pay much rent if at all. But, as I've heard from many other places, there usually are rules attached to it. Like no over night guests, no guests at all, and/or even a curfew.
Honestly, I'd much rather live away from the funeral home, so I can have my own living space and enjoy it with as much company as I chose, for however long I want them to stay. Cause having to kick them out at 9pm when they would have to head back 2hours to home.
Oh yeah, another factor that's makes moving not so pretty...the weather! Im watching the news right now and they're showing all the snow squalls they've been having and such. The town is just off Georgian Bay, so its likely going to be cold as hell. 10times colder than here no doubt. Brr! But then again, no sooner do I move t here, spring should be around the corner. But then at the end of my term I'll have to deal with it.
At this point, Im not even really sure what the hell is going to happen. But being the anal retentive person that I am, I've already started printing off maps, looking for apartments in the area and so on. I just want to be prepared, and if for whatever reason, I dont get the job, so what?
I havent even been there yet and I've had a bit of a culture shock. They only have two bus routes that services the whole town. So if you're street isnt near the bus route you have to walk, and some places you'd have to walk quite a few blocks. And another thing that I noticed that has already annoyed me. They have TWO malls, but BOTH are on one side of town! Not only that, they are litterly right across the street from each other! Cant have one on each end?? And of course, the Walmart is south of town. I'm just hoping the distances are a lot shorter than they seem on the map.
I think I just have a lot of thinking and I guess planning to do in the next little while. Right now Im just waiting to find out what kind of interview Im going to get. I'm kind of hoping it will be in person so I can go see the home, the town and maybe some apartments. I'll have to pick up some better road maps cause the ones I printed are in such fine print you have to squint to make out the words lol.
Well...like Nebs...might as well start with the year end stuff. Gah. I did a double take on my bus transfer to see that yes, in fact we are in week 50 of 52. Only 2 more left! Oi. ( Collapse )
Cant wait for boxing day! Im not working so I have plenty of time to shop and elbow people in the eyes. I have my eye on either a Nintendo Advance Sp or a Game Cube. Rose got me reminicing about Super Mario and Donkey Kong!
I just took my online exam for this corrispondance semester. In the begining, I was worried about it. But they provided the questions available for print out prior to the exam. The test itself was available to be "written" anytime through the month of November until 12am December 2.
So I printed them out months ago and whenever I had time I'd do a mock test and then go through my notes with the corrections. Did this a few times but not all the answers were in my notes. Not to mention, my notes are in a bit of a state of chaos :-\
Anyway, I was afraid that because I'd have to work today that I wouldnt have a whole lot of time, or energy to study cram first then take the test. But after a few hours of more studying I got restless and took the test.
Boy was I thrilled to find out they give you the answers right after you've submitted the test. They give you 2 hours, but if you've studied the test they gave you already, it's a breeze. I was hoping I'd get somewhere in the 90% but that was reaching lol. Overall I got a perfect 80%! That's the best I've ever done on a mid-term or final before! Happy Feet!! lol
Now I can relax for a while before I have to focus on the next assignment. It shouldnt be all that hard really..pretty much all the work will already be done for me. I have to take an existing contract for a funeral we've either done, or will do in the near future, substitude personal info like names and addresses, and submit the funeral arrangements, embalming procedures and everything. Basically Im handing in the file folder for a funeral. Easyness.
Anyway...now Im starving and exhausted.
Again, thinking of M...not getting any better :-\. I NEED to forget about him but its so much easier said than done. For some odd reason, I keep thinking somehow he's going to come back. I dont know why..I really dont. But it's like my mind and my heart are refusing to forget for that reason. *sulk*
Last night I was predisposed to having a bad one. As soon as I got to work, I was in trouble. As I was getting dressed in the change room my cellphone rings. It's work. I didnt answer cause I was just down stairs and whatever they wanted to tell me they could say it in a few minutes. My shift starts at 9, I punched in at 9:03. When I got to the staff room, my manager was at the phone...calling me. "There you are! You're late!" I just looked at the clock confused and said "yea I know, but not by much!"
When I got downstiars to the lobby, she was there and shakes a finger at me and says "You're in trouble". I thought she ment about the time, but apparently it was soemthing eles. "You left the side door unlocked last night." I looked at her confused as to what door she was referring to and when she showed me, I corrected her and said "no...we locked it last night" She said that last night while locking up, Tracey and I forgot to lock it back up when we went out to get the pylons. But I stood my ground and told her that we for sure locked it. "Oh well..Jyoti's not impressed" she said. I said (in my head) that if she's really not impressed then she can confront me about it. But she didnt...not until much later in the day. If she was so pissed about it, she would have said something sooner.
She had brought it up when we were casketing someone. It was Tracey, Jyoti and me in the room and it came up. Tracey and I said that we locked it for sure and we dont know why it wouldnt have been. "I have no reason to lie" was her response. Cause Tracey and I have every reason to. So right there she was calling us liers, namely me cause she was looking at Tracey when she said it...she wouldnt even look me in the eyes when she said it! So after that, I was in a bitchy mood because of what she said. I wasnt just bitchy, I was even hurt that she would try and accuse me of something just cause of past history. That door has been left unlocked before a couple times cause Rick would leave that way, and not lock it behind him. We got in shit for it cause we didnt check it while locking up. It's not a door we commonly use. We even have a plant sitting infront of it and a sign taped inside telling people to use the main enterance.
The particular night in question, we had it open cause there were a lot of people exiting at the same time, so we opened it to make things easier. So we apparently didnt lock it back up at the end of the night.
I couldnt understand why she was so certain we left it unlocked and we were just as certain we locked it. Something was wrong or someone was lying. And I know what I know.
It wasnt until as we were leaving, Rick told us how they came to find it unlocked. He said when they put the key in the door, it opened, and when they opened the door and the alarm didnt go off, they got concerned. But they later found out that Tim had gotten inside before them so he turned the alarm off first. It didnt occur to me until that night that it was possible, that Tim had gone out that door to put the pylons out for the funeral.
So today when I went in, I told Tracey about my theory and it made perfect sence to us. So when Tim came in, we asked him if and when he had used that door yesterday morning. He said he used it before Rick and Jyoti came in yesterday morning when, like I suspected, he went to put the pylons out! Mystery solved.
Tracey and I agreed to tell Jyoti that it was him, because we were unfairly accused under a snap assumption..and a wrongful one at that. If she had asked us before accusing, then I wouldnt be as offended. But instead, she was convinced she was right and we were already on the chopping block. It didnt even occur to him that it could have been him even though he was there..and he had turned off the alarm. Why wouldnt she have asked him first??
But the most offensive thing to me was when she looked at tracey and said "I wouldnt have a reason to lie". To me, she called me a lier. If I was in the wrong, I would have said "Hey, I was sure I locked it but I guess not. Sorry". I'd own up to it. I've owned up to everything I've done wrong for the past 9 months..why would I choose now to lie? Im already in big enough trouble for leaving the tranfer door opened and a family nearly walked in on an embalming. I probably could have lied about that one but I didnt. I wasnt sure if I had closed it or not. I knew I locked it, but it was highly possible that I left it open. So I owned up to it, appologised and agreed to sign my written memo about it that will go in my file.
But this! I wont sign anything of the sort for this. Luckly they didnt write me up on it. I wouldnt sign it if they had a gun to my head and my job on the line. They just assumed that I would have left that one unlocked because of wht happened just the other day. Ok, assume all you want. But how about asking first instead of making me look to be a lier.
So when Tracey called, I was sitting next to her to hear what Jyoti would say. Tracey told her it was Tim that left it unlocked when he went outside that morning. All s he could say way "Oh...I'll talk to him tomorrow about it". So then we thought "shit...now he's gonna get in shit". better him than us but we started to feel bad so we warned him that she'll confront him about it and will probably be mad cause he "made her look like a lier". She would say something like that cause she hates to be proven wrong. Of course, that wouldnt have happened if she had done a little more investigation first.
But then it back fired cause now it seems like Tim is changing his story. He's now saying that he went out that door AFTER Rick and Jyoti came in. So if that was the case (which its not!), the door still would have been unlocked but because of US not him. BULLSHIT!! We already told her, so of course, he's changing his story cause he know's he'll get into trouble. But if he sticks to his origional story, he wont be in trouble. If anything...very little trouble.
So we'll see what happens. Im still annoyed cause Jyoti never did once offer an appology to either of us. Just "oh". Even when I called her back to conferm what time she wanted me in on what should be my day off! Hopefully they'll give me Tuesday off in exchange cause if not, then I'd have worked two weeks in a row without a break...again. My manager always picks the most perfect time to go on vacation.
Im not too thrilled to have to work tomorrow. Especially early morning. I better be off at 3 like Im suposed to be (Im on call 9-3). I was supposed to take my mom back to the hospital tomorrow for her specialist appointment to get her cast fitted. She broke a bone in her foot last week. THEN I was planning to study for and take my mid-term exam tomorrow! Now I'll have to "study" on the bus.
In other news: I dont know why..and it's a little fustraghting but I cant stop thinking about M. It's been like what...a month since he fucking left and I still think about him several times a day. I know he's likely moved on and probably even forgotten my name. I hate thinking about people who likely dont think about me. I hate caring about them when they probably could care less about me. Anytime I see a car like his..I think about him. Whenever I hear a song he's referred to, I think of him. Whenever I see that Michillan commercial witht the Russian Ice Hotel..I think of him (he's an ice sculpture carver). I probably wont even be able to watch the new X-Men movie without thinking of him. (Iceman is the name of his company). For Fuck sakes! GET OUT OF MY HEAD! I've tried hating him. Thinking of him as this heartless, ignorant bastard, but it clearly doesnt work. I've tried the confidence trick. Thinking it's his loss not mine and that he was a fool for giving ME up....that too..doesnt work. I wish I knew why he wouldnt go away. I havent seen him since that time he drove by. Even though I tend to think I will see him sooner or later again...randomly. I miss him still Im so stupid!
I feel like crap today. I woke up this morning feelin like I was about to toss my damn cookies. I couldnt lie on my sides or my stomach cause for sure I was about to puke. The only way I could sleep was on my back. I dont think I felt that way all night, nor did I feel it before I fell asleep. All I know is I woke up with an ANGRY stomach.
Went to the bathroom and thought for sure something was gonna come up...as things were comin down. But other than rocking back and forth begging to be put out of my missery, nothing happened. I had to wake up early this morning to drive Jas to school cause my mom went and broke her foot coming down t he neighbours front steps on Monday. So I slowly got dressed and threw a hat over my messy hair and went down stairs. I thought maybe if I put something in my stomach, I'll feel better. So I had one of Jas' apple juice boxes and a muffin. I could barely get the muffin down cause the nausea just kept coming and going. I was starting to feel like maybe eating was making it worse. So I finished the juice and drove her to school. Waiting in the kiss n' ride, I got real nautious but knew nothing was going to come out. I just totally felt like royal shit. I was hoping that I'd get to work and it'll still be there so they send me home lol.
So I got home, got out a can of apple juice cause I couldnt find another box and brought the rest of my muffin up to my room. As I was lying down trying to get back to sleep, I'd nurse the juice and muffin begging for it to make me feel better.
Now...I dont feel nearly as bad. It's not totally gone. It comes and goes and sometimes it comes in real strong. But other than that, I seem ok. Im hungry as hell but Im afraid to eat. In fact, I dont have a whole lot of time to anyway. I think I should try and have something though. Mom hobbled herself into the car earlier. I dont know where she went but she called later and asked if I wanted her to pick me up a roti to take to work. I just hope I can eat it.
I dont know why the hell Im feeling this way. All I know is that if I wasnt on my period today, I'd be worried. But that's the strange thing about it. I've NEVER felt nautious while on my period...ever. I never even really feel nautious from just nothing. It takes a lot to make me queezy to this point and it takes even more to actually make me vomit. I can count only 2 or 3 times in my whole life where I've actually puked..both times I was severly sick.
I dont have a whole lot to report today. But first I'd like to start off by saying Britney and Kevin WHO KNEW?! If those two crazy kids cant make it...there's NO hope for the rest of us shmo's
lol...yea.
Anyhoo...Im tired. I HATE working mornings. Im so not a morning person! Im always so freaking exhausted by the time I get home. I tend to fall asleep on the bus unless I occupy my time by studying or reading.
I was told today that I'll be setting up the christmas tree tomorrow. lovely. I can just imagine what this piece of crap will look like! Apparently there's some white crap on it already so I've been told to bring a change of clothes..but not "scrubby" stuff. There goes my prep clothes idea lol. I also now have to purchase a new toy to put under this tree for Sick Kids hospital. You should see some of these "suggestions" the hospital sent us. For school aged kids, they had "electronic games. ie; Game boy" WTF? I think I'll just be getting some decent things from the dollar store thank you.
Another thing I've been told is that my boss wants to start taking me into arrangements with her. SCORE! For now, it'll be that I take the families in and begin the arrangements by taking down the important information like names, dates of birth, death, next of kin etc.
I was thinking recently about how long I've been there. In february it will be a year! I should have been finished my internship May 07 but it's starting to look as though I wont start until then! It bugs me cause it's not fair, but I dont have the heart to tell my boss to either hurry her ass up and get her shit done so I can start, or step down and let me take over. She's blamed the board for bumping me off the registry, but what it boils down to is her fault cause she promised internships to more people than she was allowed to.
Anyway. enough of that. Im tired. I wish I didnt have to work this weekend. I hate working weekends. they suck ass!
unfortunatly, i keep thinking about him. whenever i see a black suv similar to his acura mdx, my heart stops cold. whenever someone signs online, i have to look then get disspointed. i keep thinking he'll come back. i still dont know why i want him to. i just do. after all he's done and said, i should be hating him. but i dont really. i miss him. i miss talking to him. i wonder what he's thinking, if he's thinking of me. missing me too. i wonder...and even hope...he's fucking misserable without me. i didnt want him to fall in love with me...not yet anyway, but it was nice to be wanted by him.
Ohh...on a funny note:
My Sim's family has disintigrated! It all started when I made the big mistake of buying the stupid guinnie pig!! It got the kids sick then the parents. The whole household became so misserable the freaking Tragic Clown showed up and began spitting and coughing on everyone and everthing. So to get rid of him, I built a little shack thingy, put the fire place in it with the picture of the tragic clown. Then sent the husband out there to set the fire...only...fucker got cought up in it and burned to death. The clown did too but now I had a widdow with two children on my hands! They were already depressed to begin with! The next day one of the kids got sent off the military school, the widdow lost her job and the other kid got sent away too! Misserable Guinnie Pig!!!!
hopeful
contemplative
good
tired
nauseated
exhausted