failure by design

I haven't been on livejournal in months.
I don't even know if any of you remember me!
Haha, kidding...I hope.

So life is pretty shitty but that's nothing new.

Recap:

- I didn't fill out my fafsa's .
- I keep getting those 'your loan payments will start 12/07'. [fuck yes for owing the government $5,000!]
- I haven't told my mom I'm not going back to school, she's going to kill me. [doctors appointment 7-17. When she has to pay, she'll find out and then I'm coming to live with you, okay?]
- I got asked to tour with 2 bands. [well one because the other was a last minute, last resort type of thing]
- I turned down the one because I was supposed to go on tour with my friends band already but then their shirts and CD's never came in and as much as I love to hang out with them, I wasn't going to go with them and do nothing. They're leaving for Florida tomorrow after their show here and um, I hate being hot so I'm not going, ha.

I'm proud of those boys though. A few of their shows got cancelled and even though it bummed Richie out a lot they pulled through and played on the boardwalk for 2 days and they sold a shitload of their demos and kids loved them, haha. Who would have thought scene kids hung out on the boardwalk in Ocean City? Haha.

But anyway.
I'm madly in love with The Morning Light and the new Paramore CD. It's a sickness, really.

Well that's all I've really got to say.
It's 4:30AM, I should probably go to bed, I have to wake up and send out my request for a photo pass for warped tour and then go to work.

I hope everything with all of you is going amazing, I have a lot of catching up to do!

...ever ask for.
Don't call me up, when the snow comes down.
It's the only thing I want this year.

So, it's 2007.
So far, it doesn't feel any different but I pray to God, that it is.
2006, for the most part, was a horrible year for me.
And let's face it, from as far as I can see into the coming months, nothing good is going to come from this new year.
And by nothing good, I really mean, no change.

Pros and Cons of breathing 2006
Pros
Made new amazing friends.
Got closer to the amazing friends I already had.
Got closer to some of my family.
Awesome shows.
SHOOT ME IN THE SMILE.
Doing things I've never done before.
Seeing places I've never seen before.
Opening up to my mom.
1/6/06 - last time I talked to Jontee'.

Cons
1/6/06 - last time I talked to Jontee'.
1/13/06 - RIP Jontee'.
Didn't visit Jontee' every month or say goodnight to him every night, like I promised I would.
CCAC.
All my mistakes that always turn into regrets.
Me = a rude, sarcastic, mean, cold bitch.
Losing contact with some of my friends.
Being pissed at the lack of communication from some of my high school "friends".
Did I list CCAC yet?!
Still no touring experience.
Not growing up.
Not always saying what is on my mind.
Being lonely, as always.
Still no license.
Still no money.
Still not better at promoting, well, and life in general.
Bull in a China Shop No, that's mean!

Some things just seem pointless anymore.
Like wanting to be a tour manager.
I just don't care anymore.
It's like a dead dream to me.
It's IMPOSSIBLE.
EVERYONE wants to do that with their life anymore...I'm not in 8th grade anymore, kids know about this now and are stupid trend whores and wanna be 'friends' with bands and be 'cool'.
Very few people want it for genuine reasons anymore and I hate it...but I hate having to compete with and LOSE against them.
I mean, come on!
No band even wants me to sell their fucking merch!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Let's face it, I've tried to gain touring experience, no one wants me.
GET OVER IT, Andrea!
Find something else to do with the rest of your life.

Yeah, I like photography, maybe even love it...but I'm not that good at it.
I, sometimes, feel like I am wasting my time with that as well.
I mean, I spent all this money on that camera [money that I don't and didn't ever have...that I now OWE], and have pretty much made NO money in return.
I could charge but I do not feel like I am good enough to do so.
It's like paying a friend to paint your house...granted, it may be something they can do, but it doesn't mean you'll be satisfied with the job done.
You'd be better off paying a professional to do it.

I dunno, I mean, all these people say they look up to us and are inspired by us!
...but I just don't see why.
The only thing that made me think we had done something right was when Nothing Unexpected thanked us in their CD booklet!
Maybe Scott was just trying to be nice because he is, in fact, one of the nicest guys ever... or maybe he really felt we deserved a thanks.
But either way, it was the best thing ever and the one thing that ever made me feel like I had come close to succeeding at anything.

I just hate thinking.
I think too much.
And then I rant on about stupid shit for what seems like no reason at all.

I just want some sign, some sort of hint that what I want from life..I will be able to have.
But there isn't anything.

And the more I go off thinking, the more I think 'Hey, you know, I don't really need a career. I could make salads at Ciccanti's forever if I really had to. And Clairton really isn't all that bad.'

And maybe I am right when I think these things.
I mean, people get by just fine doing the things that I think.
And sooner or later, I have to be right about something.
Sooner or later, I have to make the right decision in life.

I've never been to Cleveland but I have this strange feeling that I am going to fall in looove with it!
I'm going there twice in January and I'm really excited!
Fall Out Boy, The Early Novemberrrr!, New Found Glory!
And THE UUUUSED, Paramore, Pennywise!
Pretty exciting!

You know what I miss most about going to a real college UNIVERSITY?

Being semi on my own.
Being able to be alone when I wanted.
Being able to cry whenever I pleased [for some reason I feel like I can't cry in this house].
Not having to deal with my mom when she goes into mega bitch mode.
Not having to be home ever.
Not having to worry about anything but me and my school work.
Being with my friends.
Being in Pittsburgh, right in downtown.
Being out of Clairton, the shittiest town ever [someone needs to burn this mother fucking place to the ground along with half the people in it].

I just hate the feeling that I am going backwards.

I thought the point of life was to move forward, hence the future.

I am going backwards.

I'm back at home.
I'm pretty much back at CHS [hello, community college after clairton!].
I have pretty much no freedom.
All I have is me.
And I'm not good enough... but I don't mean that in a 'I hate myself' way.
I mean, literally, I am just not enough to keep me happy.

I miss my freedom.
I miss my dorm [which I hear has been taken over by some dumb bimbos].
I miss Pittsburgh.
I miss my friends.
...all my friends.

I just really hate everything right now and I don't fully understand why.
I hate photography and not getting credit for my work.
I hate school even if I say CCAC is the easiest place on earth, I just don't want to be there.
I cannot concentrate.
I just don't care to concentrate.
I just don't care.

What am I going to school for, anyway?
Can a college education truly prepare me for life on the road?
Life on the road, ha...like I even know what that's like.
Why do I even want to be a tour manager?
I don't know half the shit a tour manager has to do.
And what band would take me on tour, anyway?

But then again, I may know absolutely nothing about life on the road and only about half the duties a TM has to perform but I honestly cannot imagine me doing anything else.
My brother asks me why I don't want to be a professional photographer.
Answer: I honestly don't know.
My mother says I should be an x-ray technician or a lawyer or a nurse.
I say: Yeah, no...
'But they pay good money!'
Yeah, so does a gynecologist but you don't see me running to the front of the line to look at vaginas all day.

I don't know. I'm just confused.

Gym Class Heroes will be signed by Island Def Jam Records...you wait and see.
I can smell it. I've been smelling it. Watch it happen, kids, watch it.

Okay. That's all I really have to say about that.
Well that and congrats Marc! You will ALL know of Marc very very soon.

So yeah...
I haven't really paid much attention to this lately, sorry.
I did, however, notice that DeviantART is kinda teamed up with LJ...I saw that last night. That's interesting.

And yesterday was a pretty sweet day.
I was pretty much nervous and feeling sick all day until about 7PM.
I took a local bands promo pictures yesterday.
They go by the name of Victory Lane.
Have you heard of them?
Yes? Good job.
No? What are you waiting for?!
http://www.myspace.com/victorylane

They're amazing.
And I finally noticed yesterday what awesome guys all of them really are.
I felt like an ass most of the time with my dinky ass camera and my unprofessional attitude but I slowly got over it.
I almost killed them, ha. As we were walking across the bridge I thought it was be awesome to have a picture of them in the lanes of the bridge but I didn't want to say anything..and then literally a second after I thought that one of them said I should take a picture of them in the lanes and naturally I agreed. It was pretty sweet, haha.

But yeah, you guys will see them soon.
I don't want anyone seeing the final cut of pictures until they see them and then have me fix what they don't like.
But I'd imagine you'd all be able to see them in about a week.

Oh and ps. if you have a myspace, add http://www.myspace.com/shootmeinth… ! That's me and Kristina's photography "company". Dooo it.

Okay, well I'm pretty much out of things to say.
I hope all of you are doing well!

♥ Andrea

This is easier than getting hit by the Point Park shuttle(shittle)[pfft, and all I was asking for was free tuition].

What movie is this from?

myscreenname: "I got a dollar, I got a dollar, I got a dollar hey hey hey HEY!"
kristinasscreenname: O-tay!

Remember...this is for all my love.
Good luck and may the force be with you.


ps.
Erick is my hero.
If I ever meet this guy, they may very well have to pull me off of him because I will hug him until I cannot hug him anymore.

Oh the tragedy!!!!!!!!!!!
How will I survive without the love of my life?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And sooooo many shows are coming up, no camera = me in a bad mood at shows.
GAAAAHHHHH.

I'm looking into a new one now.
My camera can still take videos...and it can still take pictures but only if it's hella bright in the room or outside during the day. The only thing that really died was the flash but I NEED THAT, DAMNIT! grrrr...

TRANSITION - GET THERE
It comes out this Tuesday, I think all of you should definitely pick up a copy for yourself.
You can buy it everywhere!
I got my copy Friday and I must say that I love it and I think some of you definitely will too.
If you live in the Pittsburgh area, go to the in store performance at the Best Buy on McKnight Road THIS TUESDAY, May 9th 7PM.
And then go to their CD Release show on Thursday at Orchard Hill Church in Wexford.
Tokyo Rose, Mark This Day, and All Time Low will be playing as well. 7PM.
Be there so you can hang out with me and Kristina and her friend Krissy and possibly Jen!

Today, one year ago, I was searching for the bus stop in Downtown Disney because I just got done seeing mother fucking FALL OUT BOY at the House of Blues!
Amazing.
And I get to see and chill with those boys all day Saturday.
It'll pretty much be the best day ever...
...and you know they're going to end their set with "Saturday", that's pretty much a given.
Man, now that I think about it...I've seen them on a lot of Saturdays, ha, that's weird.
Okay, the end.
♥

I love Southside.

That is all.
♥