windows 8 can suck my dick

I can’t believe how far technology has come

hunting down tumblr posts i see on pinterest part 1196

You get a Northern Hogsucker

Today's Seal Is: Bigs My Eyes At You

beast made only of surface tension

I need to press his bruises like it’s his gspot

I’m gonna think about killing myself

I do think the ability to emoji-react is a net win for human communication. not only does it give you an outlet for 'I see and acknowledge this but don't have a verbal response' but it also adds a pleasing alethiometer element to things

my coworker announces that he's off to the dentist. someone reacts with a tooth emoji. is this a statement of dentist solidarity? a wish for my coworker to return with more (or fewer?) teeth than he set out with? simple word association? who can say

Friend of mine calls it active listening. Ah yes we are speaking of tooths. I understand and respond. Here it a tooth image. I have heard you.

one thing everyone who is struggling with cooking for themselves needs to know is that the shittiest rice cooker, like the ones that cost $5 at rite aid, can make entire meals. you can put anything you want (except uncooked meats that need prolonged temperatures to be safe to eat) in with the rice and push the button and go lie down for 20 minutes. you will learn through making slightly over or undercooked rice a few times how you need to adjust the liquid:rice ratios. you can put rice, a bag of baby carrots, whatever salt and spices, and a can of tuna (or a can of shredded chicken, beef, etc, or tofu, or canned beans, or canned tomatoes) in a rice cooker and it will be completely edible in ~20min. it costs like $1 per batch, less if you get regular carrots and cut them into chunks yourself. you should have frozen spinach and peas and corn in your freezer, or whatever frozen veg is safe for your food allergies. this kind of meal can survive in the fridge for a while and the freezer even longer. if you make it badly it wont poison you and can be salvaged with hot sauce, if you make it disastrously it can be thrown away without losing more than a dollar or two. if you make it okay it fullfills the Just Need Some Real Food requirements completely. if you need more calories you can add butter or oil, or eat sour cream on the side. if you forget about the rice cooker or fall asleep it will dry out on the bottom but wont burn. they should teach you this in 5th grade

If you enjoy an odd cookbook, Roger Ebert wrote "The Pot and How to Use It" in 2010. It's a rice cooker cookbook but also just an ode to the rice cooker. It's out of print but worth looking for at your local library; it's also available on The Internet Archive

thank you!! also i forgot to mention: when you are too sick or depressed to do dishes, you can eat your dinner out of the rice cooker pot itself. just dont touch a metal or ceramic utensil to the actual pot because it will scrape the nonstick coating which causes a lot of problems for another post. wooden or plastic spoon or chopsticks, or just eat carefully out of the middle of the pot without touching the sides. or you can use the actual rice paddle, who cares. ive done it! if youre too sick to cook "properly", making a one pot rice and veg and protein bowl and eating it directly out of the pot in your pajamas is 100% fine. you will recover and function so much better after eating a hot meal made of actual ingredients.

I do this thing I call "Crimes Against my Rice Cooker". It's a 10cup, and I put 3 cups of washed rice, 1 of washed red lentils, a big pile of dry curry seasoning, a bit of salt, as much water as the rice and beans need, as many frozen veg and as many frozen 1-inch meatballs as I feel like, let it sit for 30 minutes and soak, then and cook it like I was just making 4 cups of rice.

It's heavy, warm, more flavoring can be added later if needed, etc.

Sauce :

2 Tbsp soy sauce 1 Tbsp dark soy sauce 1 Tbsp shaoxing wine 1 Tbsp sesame oil 1 inch grated ginger 1 minced garlic clove 1/2 Tbsp sugar

you're welcome.

Bonus tip : you can add an egg (or more) to make hard boiled eggs at the same time (to eat now or later)

Bonus tip #2 : you can cook half rice, half quinoa/small green lentils (takes the same time)

the main trick to dancing at a goth club is:

1. Imagine you’re a powerful wizard

2. Imagine you’re channeling mana for one of your strongest spells

3. you can also pretend you’re a deep sea predator pretending to be aquatic plant life drifting in the currents to attract prey

Kids today need to learn how to pull the evil taffy.

4. Brush away the spiderwebs in the vast and mysterious crypt you're exploring

@morigela

internet friends are kinda like illegally downloaded friends. you don’t get the physical copy but you still get all the great content

#i’d illegally download you all

reblog if you’d illegally download your followers

@yossarian-7

Most of the writing advice on here sucks ass man

Like idk. Everything can have a purpose or maybe it doesn‘t. It depends

But everyone on tumblr needs to fucking stopppppp acting like they‘re the authority on what‘s good writing and to stop using these words and use these instead and if you do this try this instead and wow this is life changing advice and

Then there‘s always someone in the replies going like. „this. THIS.“ Like shuttttttt upppppppp you don‘t know shitttttttttttttt it might have worked for your writing but you just unironically wrote „this. THIS“ so I’m not gonna trust anything you say about words, ever.

That fucking Chuck Palahniuk or wtv post that‘s going around. Fucking stuuupiidddddddd that’s a great way to make all writing sound like it‘s droning on forever and then maybe the audience knows something but we don‘t know the character knows and oh wait knows is an illegal word, fuck

Idk i think maybe tumblr isn‘t the best place to get advice from anything but also nothing is universal so maybe it works for you but you can also be direct sometimes

Meanwhile, via Bluesky...

And here is the resulting image. There is at least Someone in the U.K. government who is actually doing their job, and it is Chief Mouser to the Cabinet, Larry the Cat.

Source

i made a post like this before but I can't find it now. so. I'll just redo it.

What's the first "big news story" you remember from when you were a kid?

It's something I love to ask mixed-aged groups sometimes because I think it's really interesting to see the responses. I've gotten answers from the Olympics of [whatever year] to Watergate to more recent stuff from my niblings.

My first news thing I remember is the OJ Simpson trial. I vaguely remember watching the news with my grandparents before that, but that's the first story I remember, in part because my second grade teacher had us go play so she could watch the verdict 😂

I remember walking down the street and seeing a sign protesting George W. Bush’s war on Iraq, so I think that.

Неудачная вишня

the maltese burger but in high quality this time. happy pride month

Somehow I have never seen this before and still knew exactly where it was going.

What if I start a trend called "No one nuts November" where everyone writes about their favorite characters having bad sex that sucks and isn't fun.

Okay so I made a list of 30 (well, 29 actually) prompts I am releasing into the wild. The point of this is that at least one of the participants are not having a good time.

It has 30 prompts for November but feel free to write and post whenever, but please add the tag #No one nuts November or #NoonenutsNovember wherever you post. You do not have to @ or credit this blog if you use any of these prompts.

(Text version under the cut)