Benny Feldman

The mystery team crying, trying to solve the mystery of who left Scooby in the hot van with the windows up

What happens to a dream deferred? Does it shrivel up, like a raisin under my patented Shrivel Ray

One good thing about Tourette's is I get to cuss without sin

Nightmare Oil

Isaac Newton gets hit in the head by a Granny Smith apple and discovers sour gravity

We should domesticate wolves again and see if it makes a new type of thing. An even better friend

Birds inspired airplanes. But not flightless birds. Those inspired cars

Skyler's Offensiveness Value Theory

I think a good prank would be to go to the library and try to check out the librarian's personal diary

If I was the old man in The Giving Tree, I woulda dug up the roots looking for truffles. See if I can squeeze out a lil more giving

Nobody knows what happens when you die

Some people are really like, Well it's probably infinite happiness forever. Yeah it's definitely endless bliss for all time. For literally a quadrillion years, and then more. Also your dog and grandma are there! Unless you have anal sex. Then you get tortured

Mailmen should get rewarded for all their hard work. They should get sent free mail

First rule of gambling: Never quit while you're down. This loses you money

Lobster used to be poor man’s food, now they are high status. The same is now happening with milk and eggs and bread