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The Science of Aster

@actualaster / actualaster.tumblr.com

"Courage is the magic that turns dreams into reality"--Aster Laker, (DotNW)
Kage/Aster (respond to either) | Adult (30+) | Queer AF | Any pronouns, but prefer xe/xem/xir or he/they
| Profic | Check my About/BYF for more details on my views |
Icon/Sidebar image colored by the absolutely most amazing person ever, Goron-King-Darunia (also my partner/soulmate)~
~ FOR MOBILE USERS: ~
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you know what the w o r s t thing about adhd is? (at least i think this one is the adhd, could be one of the 429432 other things i have)

time is meaningless.

which means if i have one (1) thing that i need to do, my brain has to block the entire day out for it.

which means that even if it’s technically a “day off” if i have one (1) important obligation–even if it’s only gonna take like 2 hours out of hte day–my brain doesn’t count it as a “day off” so i don’t actually get to use it to decompress from everything else

which is how i end up going weeks or months without having a “day off” that my brain will register as such so my stress levels just keep compounding, and my energy levels keep plummeting, and it’s hell on earth is what it is

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...In true ADHD fashion, guess who accidentally deleted the wrong post because and they were multi-tasking and got distracted and then had to Google to find this again?

(':

#adhd#actuallyadhd#actually adhd#sadly this means i will no longer see notifications of replies/reblogs... F me
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like hello? HELLO???

THESE ARE GOOD???

[...] but that would rip away the carefully constructed mask of normalcy he wears like a second skin (and it might rip away that first skin, too, leaving him a raw mess that used to be a person with no idea who he is anymore)

and

He can feel the disbelief in the gaze trying to crack the back of his skull open to rummage through his mind for whatever he’s not telling her.

and

The liquid beads upon the blade, steel rejecting the tribute of life offered to it.

and

[...] flash of longing pierces through the fog in his mind when the gentle pressure around his hand slips away, and relief follows the path it carved when she turns, arms wrap around him to pull him close.

HI HEY WHY CAN I NOT WRITE SENTENCES LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME I LIKE THEM!!!!!

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sometimes i wonder exactly what led to the feeling that Brain and Body are distinct elements separate from Self. is it the chronic physical issue? the chronic mental health issues? being depressed more than half your life WILL fuck you up and all that. i don't recall what it's like to not feel like you're being sabotaged by your own Brain and Body (in their own ways, which they are at odds with each other too, not just ganging up on Self)

if i ever felt that way it would have been years ago, probably pre-2017 at least? idk we've been at war with each other so long while Self also tries to wrangle them into functioning as A Human Adult (failing a lot lately), i can't recall any other way to exist. (Brain is Not Great with memory for that type of thing, maybe never has been)

but i think maybe it would be nice. (mostly because it means Brain and Body would behave and stop causing issues. at least in my little fantasy world. realistically this is just my life forever, the physical issues can be managed but not cured and same with the mental ones at this point. and those aren't even being worked on rn... OH! BUT I'M GETTING OFF THE MEDS THAT DON'T PLAY NICE WITH THE PSYCH STUFF so hopefilly next month i can go back on it. anyway. tangent.)

#i wonder what did ultimately cause the feeling tho#did gender play a factor? for so long Body didn't quite feel like it was mine (until a few years ago when i got surgery#it was so weird i didn't even notice at first when i woke up because for the first time since i was a little kid it felt natural)#that might have contributed?#would it just be Brain vs. Self if all the chronic health issues never cropped up?#is it a form of self-defense? protecting my sense of Self by disconnecting from sources of suffering?#...idk why i'm thinking about this over dinner this is probably something i should talk to my therapist about#hm. i guess i should make note of this for next week...#50 shades of personal#(reblogs fine tag is for organization)#(and so i can find this post next week for therapy maybe)
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Reblogged galahadwilder
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One of those “characters get to read/watch their source material and use it to change the future” fics, except instead of the original show/book/whatever they just get handed a pile of memes, overly specific headcanons, incorrect quotes, and edits and have to try to piece together the plot from that.

#the cone is NOT having a good timr
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Reblogged qinimodd
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beowulfstits-archive-deactivate

I want to go to this exact point and run around it saying “I’m in Sweden!” I’m in Finland!” “I’m in Norway!” until I get tired

i aspire to great things in life

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According to Google Maps, that point is in the middle of a small lake.

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So we’ll do it in January when it’s frozen.

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actually that’s why they’ve helpfully dropped a big-ass cement block with a bridge surrounding it in the middle of the lake: for the express purpose of doing what OP aspires to do

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there’s so much beauty in the world.

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There’s also a point like this which connects Germany, Belgium and the Netherlands!

They even made a circle there which tells you in which country you are

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And the tripoint of Slovakia-Austria-Hungary 👋😊

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the tripoint of czechia, slovakia and poland is just A Rock In A Ditch lmao

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Reblogged polwigle
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laptop overheating?? pour water on it to cool it down!

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i trusted you

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Do not trust people like me. I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth. I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people

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four-leafed-queer-gal-deactivat

THE ORIGINAL?!?!?!?!?!

#a classic