Feed me a   and I'll give your first chapter a read.

I know what being a new writer and wondering if youre writing into the void feels like. Currently im also bored.

So...

 feed meeeee.

(If I already read your first chapter give me a "HEY FIVES STOP PROCRASTINATING"  and I'll give your next chapter a read.)

Five   help me with my new chapter 2. I've rewritten my entire book 

Here! I hope you like it!

D.N. Newyn Wrote: Five   help me with my new chapter 2. I've rewritten my entire book 

Ohh it's the really talented author. I remember two books. Which book? The one with Severa or Fabrisse? ❤️

It's not a great representation of what the rest of the series is like (the bulk of it is about nostalgic childhood hangouts), and it gets into a bit of a time travel talk (the biggest one of the series, and then it isn't brought up that much anymore because it's a thematic vessel, not actually the focus), but screw it, the first full chapter of The 90's Kid has a little 3 act structure of its own so it might be enjoyable enough for you.

Have a gander if you like!

Check out Those Bound To Ruin's first chapter? Who knows, maybe you'll want to keep reading past that.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the first chapter of Wings Between Silence. Thank you! xD

Here's some cookies! 

Hello Fives, you can read a perfectly normal internet horror deep dive that doesn't go into anything weird. I promise it is just a simple parody...

Anankista Wrote: Here! I hope you like it!

My comment: What are you going to do, big guy? Did it hurt when I threw a simple briefcase at you?” lol

Way to go, genius. Dad used to say: if you hesitate, you’ll bleed,I do like the dialogue

I like the way you write detail and setting. Im working on that. Nice work. Duvets seem scary.

digiGekko Wrote: It's not a great representation of what the rest of the series is like (the bulk of it is about nostalgic childhood hangouts), and it gets into a bit of a time travel talk (the biggest one of the series, and then it isn't brought up that much anymore because it's a thematic vessel, not actually the focus), but screw it, the first full chapter of The 90's Kid has a little 3 act structure of its own so it might be enjoyable enough for you.

Im excited let's do this. Brb

digiGekko Wrote: It's not a great representation of what the rest of the series is like (the bulk of it is about nostalgic childhood hangouts), and it gets into a bit of a time travel talk (the biggest one of the series, and then it isn't brought up that much anymore because it's a thematic vessel, not actually the focus), but screw it, the first full chapter of The 90's Kid has a little 3 act structure of its own so it might be enjoyable enough for you.

Uhh I think everyone on heres prob going to get comments that show up as edit suggestions.its just the way I comment
Edit suggestions:

Eleven-year-old Jace Baker had made a terrible decision in getting up fifteen minutes earlier than he had planned to on that lazy and hot summer Friday. Had he just waited around in bed a little longer, until noon perhaps, his mom might have told the visitor that he was still asleep, and to come back later. Which, given said visitor’s typical noncommittal reputation, could have equated to not returning anytime soon. And just maybe, that would have kept the whole long saga from starting in the first place.
First paragraph I already really like your writing

You went outside. Good for you.” She then looked at her son, who was lazily pulling at his pajamas. “You see this, Jace? Your uncle’s just started his midlife crisis.”😂

Underwear,” Wes advised. “Lots of underwear. You’ll need it.”

“Gross. I don’t even want to know why.”

Food is food,” Wes reasoned. “
Yes

Oh wow the ending ramped up.

I didn't comment much bc I was transfixed. Subbed. Good quality! I like the pictures at the top. Did you draw them?🥳

brumeloom Wrote:
Have a gander if you like!

Will do! See you soon!

5Fives Wrote:

digiGekko Wrote: It's not a great representation of what the rest of the series is like (the bulk of it is about nostalgic childhood hangouts), and it gets into a bit of a time travel talk (the biggest one of the series, and then it isn't brought up that much anymore because it's a thematic vessel, not actually the focus), but screw it, the first full chapter of The 90's Kid has a little 3 act structure of its own so it might be enjoyable enough for you.

Uhh I think everyone on heres prob going to get comments that show up as edit suggestions.its just the way I comment
Edit suggestions:

Eleven-year-old Jace Baker had made a terrible decision in getting up fifteen minutes earlier than he had planned to on that lazy and hot summer Friday. Had he just waited around in bed a little longer, until noon perhaps, his mom might have told the visitor that he was still asleep, and to come back later. Which, given said visitor’s typical noncommittal reputation, could have equated to not returning anytime soon. And just maybe, that would have kept the whole long saga from starting in the first place.
First paragraph I already really like your writing

You went outside. Good for you.” She then looked at her son, who was lazily pulling at his pajamas. “You see this, Jace? Your uncle’s just started his midlife crisis.”😂

Underwear,” Wes advised. “Lots of underwear. You’ll need it.”

“Gross. I don’t even want to know why.”

Food is food,” Wes reasoned. “
Yes

Oh wow the ending ramped up.

I didn't comment much bc I was transfixed. Subbed. Good quality! I like the pictures at the top. Did you draw them?🥳

Thank you, you're a fast reader! Hope you keep at it!

Yes, all the art in this series is hand-drawn, and it vastly improves over time.

It's formatted for square print pages, which means I use a dense writing style (though it's a "light novel" on the heavier side) where I compact actions amongst dialogue.

Hello, if you're into comedy, check mine:
The Quill
Thanks 👍 

brumeloom Wrote:
Have a gander if you like!

Edit suggestions:

The Valshiri Temple couldn't be seen from the road even a little. Had Neferkar lacked escort, he thought he might have missed it - convinced the temple simply hadn’t been built yet, or that the grasslands went on until the world ended.
Ooh a new type of setting

Either way, most mind-sorcerers as far as Neferkar knew had far more important things to do than snoop in the eyes of strangers. Formed links between sorcerous kin and kith spanned the Blackwood. The best way to relay news to the far side of the Blackwood is to tell someone on this side.i appreciate the worldbuilding

I'm not a minder." It was the wrong word, never mind an insult.

Nice ending to the chapter. Makes people want to keep reading. Nice job

I'm happy to hear your opinion of the first chapter of "The Killer's Consultant". TKC has very high (100%) reader retention in the following 9 chapters, but there's a significant drop off from Ch1 to Ch2. I'm wondering if it is because readers are self-sorting (aka deciding whether they like this writing style) or if there is something fundamentally wrong with Ch1. I really curious!

Thanks for volunteering your time!

 Edit to give cookie lol

CobaltWolf Wrote: Check out Those Bound To Ruin's first chapter? Who knows, maybe you'll want to keep reading past that.

Edit suggestions:

Erich twisted around his body to face whatever direction was down, and saw the ground below him was the leaf covered floor of what seemed to be a dense forest. Is this like a memory loss kinda opening let's read and see

Erich’s life before this had made him very good at getting up from falls from high places.wait why

The hole where he’d recently cut out his own right eye started to itch incessantly.oh o.o

Humans are bad, and want to kill all centaurs.

Where’s the rest of him? O.o

Toran groaned and ran a hand through his braided hair. “Your first instinct upon seeing an injured human was to heal them?”
To be fair... mine would be too

The fact that a half dead human was dragged through the village by your daughter?” Connak said abashedly, “Yes, we know. Everyone in the village knows and are currently on the verge of panic.”i do appreciate the tension

There is a third factor you are ignoring. ” Gaivun said, his face still in his own book, “The blessing cannot change by its nature. Whatever allowed for this aberration to occur was external, not internal.”

Which means the humans figured out a way to break into the upper layer.”
Yeah I can see the conflict

Dark ending. Hope the human doesnt die.

Very entertaining! Very intense

Reina Lunarrune Wrote: I'd love to hear your thoughts on the first chapter of Wings Between Silence. Thank you! xD

Here's some cookies! 

Extra points to the few people who fed me my cookies

Can I feed you my first chapter? It's in my signature.