BOO

ok, I am now all sighed up with Reliance House in norwich, Unlike the so called friends and family members that have taken control of my money over the years these people wont be stealing from me. They are going to be helping me with a lot of stuff,from enriching my life,drs and helping me with my check issues. its about fucking time some pony was helping me out other then Rayven(and Dark when it comes to cpu stuff)


In other news i now am a fur suit maker,Weeeeeeeeeeeee what fun that shit is.But extra money for vet/dr bills is all ways a good thing.

I started traing for the pumkin run(5k) today and baring anymore health issues I should be back down to 110lbs by Oct since i'm burning 3900 Kcals every damn damn with the 6 hours of training I have to put in to get ready for this race.

 I am also taking Japanese writing/reading classes at night most week days to get ready for the new Sailor Moon anime coming out this fall.


Life is Busy and I'm loving it,even if its been a ruf year it was all worth it.

I have the the help I need,great Friends,and great love in my life.






Have a Bountiful Summer all!

So once again my home is in Danger. Friging Laura Lost 700$ my entire months of food/cat/cloth money last Saturday.

Thank the gods I had a little saved away as a just in case fund(a pathetic 300 but its enough to eat the cats and me to live off Top Ramen for the month)

Well in order to even get this money I had to go to fucking Saybrook probait court because  Laura's Husband Ross was so distrusting that he wanted some witnesses to ensure I got this money. And then I went and opened a bank account of my own with said money so that from now on all Feather brain has to do was deposiste the funds from My check into this new acount and not handle any real money or even have to come over to the house if she didn't have the time.

Well after all that BULLSHIT. Laura calls me this evening telling me that Ross(whos word is on par with that of god himself)Demands that I find a new payee by the end of next month. It has been said so it MUST be done.

   I am fucking pissed.


One. I dont fucking have anyone that can take this one for me,so it looks like i have to risk losing my check and becoming homeless fucking AGAIN becuase Luara cant befucking responsible after she and her husband INSISTED they take over as my representive payees. while granted Deep River sucked and Dave taking most of money Sucked. I could've lived there (granted with stress) till the fucker Died and wouldn't be in fear of losing my housing.

two Social security will hold my fucking money if i ask them to Find a payee for me. meaning I wont beable to pay rent or food or anything because they will with hold my money while they look for someone to be my payee. and IF they find some I will be charged a 64$ fee every month for that person to basically with hold all my money that dosnt go to food,power,rent,medical,and cloths if I really need them.

Thats right, I wont be able to get money for my cons or my anime. Just the fucking basics. So Ill have a place to live. I just wont be very happy. And plus you know A complete STRANGER fucking with my funds kinda sets off the Anxiety bellls like all hell.


So basically ether way in this I am fucked. completely fucked.

three. With Ross demanding this it makes it appear as if hes trying to wash his hands of the fact that his wife owes me 700$.

I swear to the gods they better fucking pay that shit back to me, or i WILL make life hell for them every chance I get.No one fucks me out of money NO one.



So yea. Thanks a fuck of a lot life. I REALLY NEED THIS STRESS!

Its almost been a full year since I got out of that SHITHOLE called DEEP RIVER and into a MUCH BETTER LIFE. And its almost my birthday.where the hell did all this time go? Well at least I get to spend this year with the two sweetest kittys & Wolf in the world so it will be an even better trip around the sun this year. Happy Imbolic!
Tsukino Usagi&Doctor Boo

yep,
  im still alive,its the second week of the new year and i am slowly SLOWLY dragging myself back from the disgusting half dead state ive been in since leaving deep river.
  One can not live ones entire life waiting for .... well waiting! living a life on pause simply because they feel the need to wait for another person to Briten  up and act like the should. Not really a very fun why to live life.
   I've spent a fair bit of time sorting through the mess of emotional baggage that i've spent a life time putting off(if you saw this nightmare amount of luggage you'd put off the chore of going through it as well)but im now working through it.I really need to be more ME. less who ever Ive been the last 10 years.Wich was very much NOT me but the fear/anger/insecurity(can i honestly just use discorded or Pinkameina as a reference for something i dont have a word for,ye'all would understand the reference,right)
  Some old issues decided that since my guard was so awesomely crushed down back in june-oct, that it would rear its head again and try to take completely over,luckily I have a friend and Very good friend who pointed out the behavior in time for me  to nip it mostly in the bud,is its not the rampaging monster it could be.Though there are days where backsliding into old very bad for me habits are tempting as they are comforting and easy,while trying to rebuild the parts of me that where crushed and broken badly is hard,and not a real fan of hard mental work.I push through it as it is not fair to my friends new and old to have to constantly deal with the monster/broken person that ive allowed myself to become....
   And one part of that is i have the nasty Pieces habit of expecting the people i get into relationships to treat me good(like your supposed to, or so says everything i've ever read or seen)and then when things start going south. i keep right on trusting,not in myself,but in the people who are mistreating/using me,believing that voice in my head saying" its all right their busy, and i should be grateful for any scraps of attention im payed." and while very few seem to have done this without meaning to(as in that's just how they are because of their own baggage) its still 0 excuse for me to get hurt from it. 
                                   
                          I am very lucky that i haven't received  the final "kick" that will turn this dog mean.

                                                        But it has made me tired of chasing "Ghosts"

 The last 5 years taught me VERY LOUDLY that if i keep this pattern of not listening to the part of me that starts pointing out that things are going South I'm going to run out of legs to chew off.And maybe not ALL relationships have to be a repeat of 2003,possibley ill get back to that when ive had time to see if things dont turn south again(at this point i should move to Florida folks!)

  I want to beleave that life will get better,that i will not turn fully into the MONSTER that is always lurking in my shadow,
   I would like to be the strong Dunani(wolf queen/pack leader) I should've been from the start.

Hoping its not going to take something short of another car hitting me to getting me to where i need to go in life.


 In other news(my god a novel i know!) My black and white mouse Max dyed yesterday from over eating due to extreme anxiety(there's a harsh lesson for me to learn on)She was only 7 months old and is greatly missed.Not sure what to do with poor Sam now that shes all alone,shes very lethargic,so i think she misses Max.

Out of the mental health part of this post. I am now on less medications,and off the dredful stuff that made me want nothing more then to sleep all the time. Now I am slowly perking back up and making up for the fact that for the past year i have not done my 25 to 30 mile a day bike rides or walks,or yoga,or M.M.A classes. all thats now back on the table and im in full DODODODODODODODODOODODOOOOOOOOOO! mode once more. wich is good because sleeping through life is just as bad as living it on pause.I'm back up to 4 miles a day so far,the weathers been dreadful but at least i am working on that as well.

 Again i thank the freinds who practically baby sat me through june til November during the"I was to stupid to see whats gone" phase of life. You guys are really the most patient folks Ive ever met.

 Now if i could wrap my mind around the thing in front of my blind self currently life would be peachy,but that will take time before i trust myself not to fuck up....again.(wounder if its bad that most of the internal vocie casting of this post comes with Eayores voice.


Thats it for now, Ill post next time i have somthing happy to report. thanks for reading!

“Your girl is lovely, Hubbell.”

54" long tail for Dark Kitty kitty Finally done and ready to be taken home, now im off to start the next tail

With kindness might come naiveté. With courage might come foolhardiness. And dedication might have no reward.But this does not mean there is no hope and that you will die forever alone; if someone tells you that is the case, tell them they're wrong every time.  Don’t forget:





Always, somewhere, someone is fighting for you. As long as you remember  Her, You Are Not Alone.

Small 26" cat tail for Abby,completed in 3 days