Amy's Book of Shadows

After mochas and a great deal of chatting, our little ‘exorcist’ group went their separate ways. I headed back to the room only briefly to gather a few things and maybe trek over to the library or somewhere else quite. I was sure that I had a bit of studying and maybe assignments to catch on from the class time I had missed. And as much as I hated to admit it, in the midst of everything else that had been going on around here lately, flunking out was one of the last things I needed to have to deal with at the moment.

However, it was that contract from Wolfram and Hart that ended up occupying most of my attention. I needed to look over it again, be sure what it meant I thought it did. After finding a suitably empty spot on the grounds and a ridiculously long amount of hemming and hawing (I could practically feel my twitches trying to surface), I pulled out my cell phone and dialed the number on the card Lilah had given me.

“Hello? Miss Morgan? This is Amy Madison. I…wanted to talk to you about those contracts you gave Tucker and I.”

Tucker was off the phone like lighting which upset me a bit, but considering the circumstances, was probably for the best. If he was meeting with this Morgan woman already, and he was getting the same feedback I was from Jezebel, well then he’d probably want to be- yeah. Not exactly on the phone right now. Once everything was over and I managed to pull myself off the floor, I started gathering my things to go meet with Lilah Morgan (and presumably Tucker as well if he was already there), and making sure I looked presentable. And I was gonna have to talk to Tucker when I got there, probably in private. I wasn’t sure exactly what Jezebel was up to, but that feedback was…different. Like it was all sex and no power. Was she somehow keeping us out of that part of it? And if she was, did that mean she was getting our share too? Now that was something of a scary thought, considering the trouble we had been having controlling her when she was only getting a share of things. If she was getting it all… Even more reason for me to make contact with Wolfram and Hart and get this taken care of like, NOW.

Once I got to the hotel, I forewent the trouble of the front desk, since during the short phone conversation I had been given the room number to go to. Pausing outside the door, I took a deep breath before knocking. /This whole mess will be over soon…/

I’m not asking to turn into sleeping beauty here, but I would like to get some sleep before my brain waves get all jumbled and I go insane and start seeing the blue cotton candy rhinoceroses that are supposed to be in my dreams walking down the hall in the middle of the day. I had only gotten an hour or two of shut eye when some very brave individual woke me up to tell me I had a phone call. Grumbling and bitching under my breath the whole way, I went to the phone. Hearing who was on the other end, I forced myself to perk up into Nice Witch!Amy! What the hell was Andrew doing calling me now?

But boy, did he have some news for me… And I swear, the corners of my mouth actually started to curl up into a smile. Obviously, I was nowhere near a suspect if supertrekkie was calling me just to let me know some of our pals had been whacked. /And oh my, I wonder who did that../ I mean, seriously? I got away with this shit? Me? I usually can’t even get away with taking the last piece of cake, and apparently I’ve gotten away with murder? /Damn right I have./ Somehow, I was comfortable with that last thought, and wasn’t quite sure whether it pleased me or scared me. In my semi lucid state, I only barely caught myself from laughing, instead transforming my amusement into seeming disbelief.

“What? Are- are you sure?” I half scoffed, half laughed into the phone. Silence. Which coming from Andrew either meant there was some serious shit up or someone was dangling a mint condition action figure in his face and he was thus thoroughly distracted.

“You’re serious, aren’t you?” I finally said, making sure a sufficient amount of shock was in my voice. “Oh my Goddess… When? How? Are you guys ok? I mean-yeah…”

Staring out the window in the kitchen of the coven house I can see the sun just starting to peek out over the trees, and I’m wide-awake. Not because I got up at the ass crack of the day to be productive or anything, but because once again, I still haven’t been to sleep. I say ‘still’, because I haven’t gotten a good nights rest since I helped Vanessa off Michael and Tamara. Or rather since Vanessa offed Tamara and I offed Michael, if we want tobe really accurate about things.

Even that night after Vanessa and I came back, I was out like a light only for a few hours. And then I was up like Frankenstein rising from the lab table. It had been that way for days. Before I thought I felt guilty, and I guess I might have been right. And then I thought I had gotten to the point where I had dealt with it, gotten over it, and forgotten about the guilt. Apparently I was right as well about this, but the guilt didn’t forget about me. When I really think about it, it may not even be guilt, I may be completely wrong. It may be…a coping mechanism, or something. Transitional shit. Either way, it’s Really. Fucking. Annoying.

At first it wasn’t so hard to keep myself occupied, there were a few magic books I’d been meaning to read, and my personal spellbook could always use some fine-tuning. By this point I’ve gone through half the books in the coven house (can I help it if I’m a fast reader?), and if I tweak my spell book anymore I think it’s going to spontaneously combust out of sheer protest. I’m now down to crossword puzzles. So now I’m sitting in the kitchen, futilely sipping on a cup of warm milk (helps you sleep, my ass), finishing my umpteenthousandth crossword puzzle and really wishing I had something else to do.

I didn’t look up when I heard the door open. It didn’t really matter who it was. The only folks who were up at this time usually had a test to cram for or some other valid reason for being up. And they usually just scurried in for some coffee or something else to keep them awake and then scurried out. I think I weirded a few of the newbies out a bit now.
Everyone pretty much knows all the details of the last sacrifice, particularly since it consisted of both a witch and a slayer, which had meant a bigger power boost for everyone. Plus the fact that Vanessa was pretty keen to let everyone know I used one of my friends. I guess she was still a bit pissed about Tamara kicking her ass a bit or something and saw that as a way to mess me up some more. Add that to the whole not sleeping, which often resulted in me wandering around the coven house at all hours of the night like the ghost of Yule past or something. So, definite weirdage.

“Hey.”

Looking up I see Claire standing in front of me. I hadn’t known it at the time I first joined, but Claire was among the more influential witches in the coven. I guess that’s an extra precaution they take for themselves, putting newcomers with someone established to kind of keep an eye on them until they’ve proven they can be trusted.

“Hey. What are you doing up?” My eyes move back to the puzzle in front of me. Which is probably not the best idea. I think my brain just may go “Oh for fuck’s sake,” and shut down if I go through too many more rounds of these. Especially if the questions continue to be along the lines of “The car from The Dukes of Hazzard (two words)”

“I should be asking you that, Miss Night Owl,” Claire said with a smirk as she sat down across from me.

“I’m always up. At least now….” I responded, slightly under my breath.

“Yeah, I kinda noticed that. Strange to say the least, but whatever. I didn’t wander down into the kitchen in the middle of the night- well, early morning, actually.” She glanced out the window. Really early morning to be exact, to talk to you about your insomnia. There’s something I need to inform you of.”

“And what would that be?” /If she says I’m on cleanup duty again…..or fuck, murder duty for that matter…..that’s fucking it, seriously. Ballistic./

“Well, some of the higher ups have been thinking, taken recent events into consideration and all,” she paused, raising a finger in a self important way, “past events as well, and we think it’s time for you to move up on the ladder a bit.”

Finally looking up at the other witch, I give a weary, derisive laugh. “So what? I’m getting a promotion?”

Claire smirked, giving a slight shrug. “You could put it that way. We were all in agreement about it, for the most part. Mainly minus Vanessa, though. Funny that.”

The look in Claire’s eyes validated what I thought the moment she sat down: she wasn’t just being charitable, bringing me some good news, she was fishing. Hoping I would maybe up some dirt about Vanessa or the last sacrifice, anything she didn’t know that I did would do, I was pretty sure.

I blinked, giving my brain time to take in and try to process what I had just heard. Vanessa can’t be too happy about all this, considering I’m pretty sure she probably still thinks I’m shit on the bottom of her shoe. Apparently she really wasn’t too happy about it, if what Claire was telling me could be taken at face value. But then again, if enough of the high level witches in the coven agree against her, I guess she can be overruled. Or she’s letting them overrule her. Or something. /Interesting./ I’d have to observe and make sure about that. /Definitely a venue to explore just in case…../ CYA is always a good policy, in my opinion.

I straightened up, suddenly smiling at Claire. Maybe things aren’t going as badly as I thought.

“Well that’s definitely good to know. Probably the best news I’ve had in a while, actually.” Leaning forwards on the table slightly, I rest my head on a hand and sigh. “And you know, I’m a bit scattered and random and all from the not really sleeping. I think I could really use a nap right now. Actually, I think I could probably use a hibernation.”

Claire nodded and grinned as she got up from the table. “Yeah, I thought that’d make you feel better.”

“Undoubtedly.” I headed out of the kitchen, throwing the book of crosswords in the trash on my way, and proceeded to my little used of late bed to sleep like King Arthur in Avalon.

I think I feel guilty. Not quite sure on that one. Whatever it is, boy does it suck like woah. Things around here have been pretty quiet for me since- well since Vanessa and I killed Tamara and Michael. I like saying it that way. It doesn’t sound quite as bad when there’s another person involved. Even though I know for a fucking fact that while I can blame Tamara’s demise on Vansessa, I’m the reason Michael’s dead. And I knew him. He was a friend. Or at least, he used to be, way back when. But a lot has changed since then. At least I know I had. From what I’d seen of Michael so far, he was pretty much the same too, aside from his slayer appendage. I just- I don’t know anymore. I just need to finish sorting things out in my head.

Either way, it looks like I’ve finally done something substantial enough to cement my place in the coven. The change was almost automatic, as if everyone knows. Which I still suspect they might, time will only tell. Even Vanessa’s taken to stalking and menacing the new girl. Which means I’m no longer it. Not that I’m complaining about that, mind you.

But I have changed. This I know for sure. Whether for better or for worse, I still haven’t quite pinpointed. I did seem make a place for myself, somewhere that’s secure for now, but what I had to do to get it…. The only thing I know for sure is that I’m not the same old Amy, and no matter how hard I might try to be in the future, I’m not. And I have a feeling that is something that’s not going to change anytime soon. It’s almost like the person I see when I look in the mirror isn’t me anymore. The thing is, I’m not entirely sure I’m unhappy with what I see…

Since this was turning out to be an oh so action packed day, I figure I may as well use the time to stock up on a few supplies. Not the school kind, that is. Dad had made more than sure I had more than any freshman could ever need in the way of that. If ever I would find myself in need of a mini combination stapler/hole puncher or a four-color highlighter/permanent marker, I was set.

I needed supplies of the Wicca kind. My initial plan had been to see if Willow needed to make a run too, she was nowhere to be found. Well at least nowhere I looked, that is. So I headed off to the Magic Shop on my own.

After picking up a few new candles and browsing through the channeling crystals, I moved over to the potion ingredients. /Let’s see, mugwort and newts eyes are the only things I really know I’m out of./ No need to get overly spendy, cause boy, does that stuff add up quick. Maybe the Wicca group on campus had some kind of supply hook up? That would be great.

Having to survive the method of torture that was the campus bookstore almost made me not want to sift through the shelves here. Almost, but not quite, of course. /Oooh, transmogrification. This one’s new. Coulda used this a few years ago./ And why is it that someone’s always standing in front of the book you want to look at?

“Uh, excuse me,” I said, so at least the person had a heads up before I reached in front of her face to pull the book off the shelf.

[open to Kore or anyone who wants to wander in the Magic Box]

M
8-9:30 Intro to Psychology
11-12:20 English composition and analysis
1:30 - 2:30 Latin

T
10-12:30 Principles of Chemistry I and lab
2-3 Western Civilization since 1660

W
8-9:30 Intro to Psychology
11-12:30 English composition and analysis
1:30 - 2:30 Latin

R
10-12:30 Principles of Chemistry I and lab
2-3 Western Civilization since 1660

F
2-4: PE: Cheerleading



I haven’t actually declared a major yet, so everything’s kind of…..random. Intro to Psychology is a core class for most majors, as it counts towards fulfilling the general education requirements, so I’ll probably need it no matter what I end up declaring. The same thing with the English.

The history? Not really anything I was itching to take, but it fit into my schedule, and once again, general education. Do we see a pattern forming here? And it includes the times during the Salem witch trials, oh joy. Because that will be lovely to read all about.

I did, however, decide to go with a chemistry minor. Because chemisty for me = potions. They aren’t fooling anyone. Not to say that my potions need any help, because they’re pretty damn good if I say so myself, but there’s always room for improvement. An added plus is that dad’s pretty happy I seem to be taking an interest in things both scientific and artsy.

My motivations for taking Latin were also more along the lines of the mystical than academic. I have a rough knowledge of it just through formulating spells and whatnot. I figured I might as well learn the language properly. Particularly seeing as how I think it was a pronunciation error that lead to the whole rat thing…….yeah. Wanna avoid doing that again.

Thought cheerleading was more than an ironic choice for my PE. Ironic being a very nice word for it. I’m not entirely sure how I ended up with that. I actually cracked up laughing when my advisor suggested it, and for some reason just blurted out, “Oh yeah, sure,” in this kind of sarcastic/crazy tone that she either didn’t pick up on or ignored. I’m sure the woman probably thinks I’m nuttier than a four-layer fruitcake now. And it’s not like it’s the actual cheerleading squad or anything, cause that would be along the lines of Hell and No. I’m assuming it’s mostly going to be a lot of the conditioning and stuff that goes along with it. And it fulfills my physical education requirement, so why not? I can always just chalk it up to extra therapy or something. Or temporary insanity. That too. And I can always drop it. Why did I sign up for that again?

Sitting around my room in the coven house, making tweaks to a few of the spells in my Book of Shadows to keep myself occupied is making for a very jumpy Amy. Particularly when I’m wondering if anyone knows I fucked up and how bad. Everyone around here seems pretty oblivious, Claire included. Though I’m still pretty pissed at her for basically putting the blame for the whole botched cover-up into my hands. Way to friend, yo.

Wondering how well Nerd Boy and Co. are fairing in their investigation. Apparently not to well if no more info or questions have trickled my way by now. It would probably be a good idea for me to give them a call later or stop by the Blue Moon or something to do a bit of digging of my own.

Still haven’t really talked to Vanessa. Even though all things considered, I should be doing some major ass kissing to assure my status in the coven. But like I said, that woman just gives off vibes like she always knows something you don’t want her to know. And those are the kind of vibes that makes you do stupid shit. The kind that just make you want to confess everything, and most likely in the process giving her way more information than she had in the first damn place. Since the only thing she probably knew before you opened your big mouth was something as incriminating as you left wet towels on the bathroom floor again or made a mess in the kitchen and didn’t clean it up. And at present, there is too much shit Amy wants to keep to herself.

Letting the head of a murderous coven know I may have accidentally let someone in on the inner workings of a very sweet deal she’s cut with a darker power or two? Not a very nice option. So that’s that and I’m keeping to myself.

Maybe I need to come up with a simple spell or two to calm my ass down or something. Oh wait; there already is one of those. It’s called weed. But I don’t like me high. It’s like all the twitchiness from when I was a rat just comes right back. Makes me want to find a corner or doorframe to knaw on find a pile of wood chips to burrow in or something. Either way not good.

Maybe a little meditation will help. Clear my mind or something. I laugh slightly at the thought. That’ll be a task. I think it’s standing room only up there nowadays. Figuring it’s worth a try anyway I clear my things away and close the drapes with a wave of my hand. For some reason, the dark is very calming to me. Which if I had any sense, it would probably scare the shit out of me. What with all the big nasties that I know for a fact lurk in the shadows. Vamps and demons and werewolves and…. /Clear the mind, Amy, clear. As in empty./

Doing the best I can to push thoughts out of my head, I close my eyes and focus on my breathing. With my damn luck, I’ll fall asleep, keel over and hit my head on something.

I glance at my watch for probably about the 20th time this morning as Dad and I finally make it to the residence life office. Thank Hecate we’re not late. I just knew the man would make me miss something with all his fussing. If he hadn’t insisted on making last minute stops by Target, and Wal-Mart, and Office Depot and… well yeah. As if we hadn’t made a list of things I needed like, a month ago and gotten everything on it already. I love Dad, I really do, and I know he’s only trying to make sure that I’m ok and I have everything I need, but I swear he can be like a mother hen that only has one little chicken to look after.

It wasn’t quite this bad after the whole thing with mom. He was a bit over attentive, which I could handle. Not to mention totally understand. And I actually liked quite a bit, to be truthful. It was nice to get that much attention from a parent without having to worry if they were going to try and steal your body and take over your life in a very literal sense. And then after the whole rat thing- well, yeah. Can we say overboard? Yeah, I thought we could.

It took forever for me to convince him to let me stay on campus instead of living at home. And I really think a big cincher in that decision was the fact that I’m rooming with Willow. I send out yet another silent prayer of thanks for that as I pick up my keys and room assignment. Weisman hall. Sounds interesting.

Wow. College. One small step for Amy, one giant leap towards independence. Or adulthood. Or something like that. As soon as we get everything unloaded from the car and into my room, I start dropping subtle hints that Dad can leave any time he gets ready. And preferably that ‘when he gets ready’ be right about now. But he’s made it pretty clear he’s not leaving until I get all settled in and Willow gets here.

“Daaaddd, I’ll be fine. Really.” I whine a bit, hoping that it just might work and in hindsight realizing I probably just went two spaces backwards on the whole adulthood thing. Needless to say, it didn’t work. On top of this, Dad’s insisted upon coming to every single orientation activity where parents are allowed. I swear, if I see him lurking around after orientation is over, I’ll die. Period. End of sentence. Die.

Paranoia sucks. And when you have a reason to be paranoid, it sucks even more. I’ve been on edge ever since the day at the Blue Moon when Michael dispelled my spell on
Andrew and Tracy. After I made my oh so tactish exit, I considered not even going back to the coven house. After all, they would probably do something drastic like, oh I don’t know, kill me if word ever gets back that I fucked up and how bad. Then it dawned on me that I really don’t have any other place to go at present. The coven is pretty much my only connection in Cleveland. Of course, there is always the ‘dalers, one of whom I just did a massive, somewhat possibly traumatizing spell on. And all of whom I’ve been lying to and misdirecting in some form or another. From what I know of them, that won’t go over all that well with the group. Heh. Imagine that. Plus all my stuff’s here. And call me petty, but I’ve grown pretty attached to my mini cauldron and Morrighan tarot cards. So back I went.

I’m doing my best to avoid Vanessa, which when you live in the same house isn’t easy, but I’ll be damned if I’m not pulling it off. Necessity is the mother of invention and all that. Vanessa always looked at me like she knew something that she wasn’t supposed to know or that I didn’t want her to know or something. Either way, it always kinda creeped me out. And for a witch to say something’s creepy- well that’s major creepage right there.

And Michael and Andrew keep calling me, asking for help (or the coven’s help) in their ‘investigation.’ I quickly countered that maybe we should keep this between us ‘dalers for now. The fewer people involved, the better, right? And I assured them if we needed to contact the other coven members for anything, that I’d make sure it would be done ASAP. Which of course means I’ve been spending my time doing my level best to make sure the dynamic investigatory duo of Michael and Andrew don’t think we need to. It’s starting to feel like a game of spy vs spy, except there’s two of them, and they don’t even really know what’s going on…..ok, bad analogy.

Anyway, the point is that it’s clear they know something, or have been able to piece together something that happened with the whole incident. And are trying to figure out more. Which means it’s just a matter of time before they do, which will then mean it will be only a matter of time before the coven figures something out too. So like some idiot trying to ice skate uphill, here I am, essentially trying to cover my ass from all directions and wondering how long it will be until I slide back down the damn hill.

Fuck, it sucks to be me.