I have many feelings about this. Many big feelings one could say.
My immediate thought after this interaction was: "Oh, this reminds the both of them (Sam & Dean) about Dean's mortality in season 3". Dean's doing the same thing he did during that season; teaching Sam how to fix the Impala/taking Jack out and teaching him how to drive the Impala. But this time it's just natural consequence. Jack didn't sell his soul or do something foolish on a hunt, like Dean laments in the earlier in the episode, he's just dying. Jack's body cannot keep him alive and they're all worried for the moment he drops dead. The question Sam asks is directed at Dean who thinks about how he felt in that same situation and responds with a simple: "Yeah."
Then the camera is back on Jack. He turns back to the rest of the group with a slight smile, a mix of appreciation and acceptance. Appreciation for all they could do for him, even if they had just met him, and acceptance for what's to come. Then leaves, knowing he's made up his mind.
And that breaks Sam's heart.
I am finally publishing the first chapter of my long Jimmy/Dean/Cas fic I learned to love from you!
It sparked after this little post I made and snowballed into a full fix-it canon-divergent fic. I absolutely love this work and have a good chunk of it pre-written. I will be posting it chapter-by-chapter, and try to do so as regularly as I can.
Hope you enjoy! (โ ย โ โโ โฟโ โโ ย โ )โ โก
Fic summary:
When he lost his grace, Castiel discovered Jimmy Novak โ still alive, slumbering in the distant parts of his mind. To save his life, Cas and the Winchesters find a way to transfer his soul into a brand-new body, giving Jimmy a new chance at life.
However, his time spent dormant didnโt leave Jimmy unscathed. His soul is damaged, clinging to what remains of Casโ grace, yearning for his touch, comfort, and trying to stay away brings horrible discomfort. As consequence, Cas and Jimmy now cling to each other โ always touching, rarely apart.
Dean isโฆ perplexed. He understands why Cas is so willing to give Jimmy anything he needs โ he has a chance to redeem himself in the eyes of at least one person heโs hurt. Still, is it really necessary to have Jimmy on his lap while they discuss how to deal with Metatron and his angels?
Castiel and Jimmy donโt know what to make of their relationship. Whenever they try to be apart, they always end up longing for each other in the end. But they know one thing โ Cas loves Dean, and Jimmy spent so long experiencing those feelings alongside him, that even separated, he isnโt sure he can view Dean as just another person, either.
Tag list under the cut:
i donโt think thereโs anything new I can add to the performative-jack studies because itโs like..very cut and dry, guy whoโs constantly perceived as a threat does his best to seem innocuous and friendly..but there is an underlying layer of exactly how jack tries to present himself to others (that Iโve definitely already posted about but whatever).
soo like. take this outline for example:
Jack: โHe still has to be killed.โ Cas: โDoing that might kill Dean as well, so [I] doubt any of [us] would be willing to do that.โ Jack: โI would.โ
โCas is a little shocked by how calmly Jack says this, and Jack says he knows what Cas is thinking; that this is Luciferโs gene pool talking. Itโs not. โIโm not my father. Iโm not my mother. Iโm me.โ
โYouโre all so focused on saving Dean, but Dean is Michaelโs vessel. Thereโs a good chance Dean isnโt even alive. Is Jimmy Novak still alive?* Could anyone save him? Itโs Michael. And Michael has to die.โ โCas stares at Jack, who looks coldly collected.
post-war jack is straight up traumatized and jaded by everything heโs seen and experienced in apocalypse world, still making efforts to be kind and sympathetic of course, but with a bit more edge to him now. for six months heโs been fixated on killing Michael, and heโs way more willing to do the Hard Thing (kill Dean) than he mightโve been before to do so (which actually reminds me a LOT of the chicken/snake story from ouroboros but we wonโt get off subject).
obviously he still cares about/loves Dean, weโve seen that in the rest of S14, but heโs also seen what Michael did to another world and wouldnโt put anything before preventing that. *heโs also very willing to hit Cas where it hurts with the Jimmy comment
but the thing that sticks out is Castiel immediately assuming that Jackโs calm, cold collectedness in the way he talks about killing Dean/Michael is somehow evidence of Luciferโs influence or heritage; that Jack couldnโt possibly feel this way by himself. even Jack refutes it, stating that heโs neither of his parents (ie, itโs his own decision to kill Dean if itโs necessary). I think itโs also interesting he mentioned not being his mother, because I think thatโs why Cas is so surprised by his demeanor and jumps to attribute it to Lucifer.
from day one Kellyโs heritage was the only argument Sam and Cas had against the idea that Jack would be evil. to be fair, Jack does take after Kelly a lot; he even looks like her to some extent. but treating Kellyโs heritage as the It-factor that makes Jack good, treating him as basically an extension of Kelly who must be good and kind because she was good and kind (literally an inverse of how Luciferโs heritage is treated) is still just dehumanizing.
the distrust he faces is understandable coming from AU Bobby and people who are being actually displaced and exterminated by Michael, but the fact that Jack is subject to the same scrutiny from his own chosen father as well adds to why he represses these parts of himself so much, why he puts on that naive nuclear-son personality and basically butters everyone up all the time.
I think the only times when Jack has actually unmasked himself were at points of extreme low empathy, because most of the time his facade is put on for the sake of other people and the fear they feel towards him. he obviously wouldnโt have to worry about that while heโs human, but like I said, heโs literally a war veteran/criminal by this point. heโs gonna have a little more edge to him than before, and a little less empathy for the small things.
the second and probably more obvious one is his behavior while soulless, completely lacking the empathy required to care about keeping up his facadeโso much so that he just bluntly tells Mary that heโs annoyed by everyone eggshell-walking around him like heโs a time bomb again. then, *checks script* like a flip switched, he goes back to that facade and reassures Mary that he knows theyโre doing it out of love. Heโs blatantly performing his emotional responses now.
jack is still soulless for likeโฆthree (?) episodes in S15, and still incapable of really feeling any emotion despite being able to logically process them. like he is literally so empty inside that he resorts to binge eating to feel some kind of sensation. but heโs consistently playing up the happy-go-lucky shtick when he isnโt just depressed and withdrawn (especially the church basement scene where he immediately gets the dumb Bambi look when he sees Cas after his failed cannibalism attempt).
got a headache while writing this so Iโll just leave it here but like. A Lot of the reason why Jack performs so much is because specific traits he shows are not only taken as threats, but are also associated with Lucifer and treated as signs of his โtrue natureโ <- click that link itโs important for context
Mk thatโs all byeeee (*ยด -`)
the concept of belphegor
the concept of belphegor being in Hell for so long that he's forgotten what being human is even like
This is how i think different spn ships i like would decide where to go for takeaway
Midam: michael doesnt get a say, he isnt eating it. Adam will always pick the greasest shit ever.
Sastiel: castiel doesnt like eating, but he DOES get a say just so that he can make sure that whatever place they order from wont contribute to sams ED. Same still finds a way to get a salad anyway.
Sabriel: gabriel insists they dont even need to order anything and he can just poof it into existence but sam doesnt really want to eat molecules again. Gabriel argues he doesnt want to eat healthy. They end up ordering from where sam wants to and letting gabriel poof stuff into existence too as a compromise.
Adamkev ( @windfall-prophet this is 4 u): they just look for the cheapest and closest thing possible, theyve got bigger fish to fry (exams or something).
Jody/donna: they order from wherevers closest too and also whatever matches the movie they're gonna watch, they also usually order from two places so they can get some sweet treats too. (They keep some for the girls too of course #bestmums)
THIS MADE ME SO HAPPY I'M HYPERVENTILATING AAGAHHFFHFHHDFH โฅ๏ธโฅ๏ธโฅ๏ธโฅ๏ธโฅ๏ธโฅ๏ธโฅ๏ธ
they really would tooo omg like i fear they would be splitting a box of smth and quizzing each other and like they have horrible time management ( adam is kinda used to running on cage time yk and kevin just doesn't really gaf ) so it's whatever is still open by the time they actually stop to eat (โ ย โ ๊จเบถโ ย โ หฬซฬฎโ ย โ ๊จเบถโ ย โ )
ma head hurts and am so upset at how bad my day was โฆ. show me anything midam perhaps q__q!
it has been exactly 2 weeks since i have drawn them :( oh no โฆโฆ..
SORRY ITS SO FHFHFH I DREW IT ON THE LID OF A TAKEOUT CONTAINER
THIS IS SO CUTE AWWH :3c thabk u nice bnuy fren. ๐ฅ here is A carrot!
AH YIPPEE CARROT เซฎ๊ฐ หถโข เผ โขหถ๊ฑแ ๐ฅ yuymyymumyumyum thank uuu kbity !!! i'm glad u like it hehee
hapy pride monthn tebi :D WE need your queer kevivn hcs. the likttle bug. we demand more of the little bug.
oH hello and thank you for this ๐ฅน๐ฅน๐ฅน happy pride month my bestest firnedy : D
i thought long and hard about this and i think that heโ
didn't even realize it for a long time . and i think he had a little crush on his girlfriend's older brother , but he didn't really consider it a crush . he was just . " oh yeah , that's Trevor . he's super nice and funny and he smells really good and i really like talking to himโ what ? lol no i don't like him . "
probably in middle school he tried to kiss a boy , but it wasn't reciprocated and he was like " AHHH FUCK NOOOOOOO NVM .โ ยทโ ยดโ ยฏโ `โ (โ >โ โโ <โ )โ ยดโ ยฏโ `โ ยทโ ." and that was the end of it for awhile . hence the , " you know i'm not gay , right ? "
it isn't something he really labels and he doesn't have a lot of time for relationships , but once he meets his person he's kind of set . like he falls in love with someone's mind and personality , and beautiful people make him shy regardless of their gender .
so yep um . he likes boys a bunch and girls a lot but it's not like . A focus probably . He has bigger fish to fry .. . . . . .
BUTTT UMMMMM IDKK IDK IDK
thank uou for the ask yayayayay
um. .. ....... queer adam hcs for gay motnh ? maybe perhaps ?
thanbk u for this amazing question... adam (And Michael yes let's involve him) pride hcs ....... Just Hcs ok. dint kill me
ok so first off with adam to me he's like. transmasc And bisexual.
i think he was aware ever since he was.young . i dont think he'd have come out when he was younger because i also think he had a rough time @ school and just having that kind of information known would have a chance at making things worse for him but i Also do think that his mom would support him and try to help him. i think she'd let him present however he wanted to and i also do think that's part of why his hair is like. a little longer in 4x19 or SSomething around the time before he diedj and once he's in heaven it's like. a bit shorter. #Ok also i think his wardrobe is a part of that bc as a ghoul u can see his clothes look pretty alt and kinda baggy. i also hc that like. his ex-gf(โ) knew about his bisexuality because he offhandedly mentions his celeb crushes and she just. idk. picks up on dat. also adam binding #RealOk but also i think michael would also help him achieve the body he's most comfortable in Soo.. #yea
ok as for michael he is unlabeled and transmasc to me too and he could also be aromantic....... (midam t4t is True and Real Ok)
i do think he wouldn't like.. completely adhere to the human idea of putting a label to themselves and to their relationships and he would learn to think that love transcends such things through adam's guidance....,......... (like !!!! adam literally showed michael what it means to love and be loved like Awww .....) ALSO um. he is transmasc to me because of how he persists and tries to constantly demonstrate how he is the good and favorite son including him being the Oldest Brother or sometihng (and also because of the amount of masculine titles/nicknames that he has) but i also think it'd be neat for michael and adam to connect even further through their gender ##yeah but um. Idk
Ok thank u again. Yes hashtag Gay month