Wah-lah

When the Red Sea saw you, O God,
its waters looked and trembled!
The sea quaked to its very depths.
The clouds poured down rain;
the thunder rumbled in the sky.
Your arrows of lightning flashed.
Your thunder roared from the whirlwind;
the lightning lit up the world!
The earth trembled and shook.
Your road led through the sea,
your pathway through the mighty waters—
a pathway no one knew was there!
You led your people along that road like a flock of sheep,
with Moses and Aaron as their shepherds.
Psalm 77:16-20


My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
but God remains the strength of my heart;
he is mine forever.
Psalm 73:26


How great is the goodness
you have stored up for those who fear you.
You lavish it on those who come to you for protection,
blessing them before the watching world.
You hide them in the shelter of your presence,
safe from those who conspire against them.
You shelter them in your presence,
far from accusing tongues.
Praise the Lord,
for he has shown me the wonders of his unfailing love.
He kept me safe when my city was under attack.
In panic I cried out,
“I am cut off from the Lord!”
But you heard my cry for mercy
and answered my call for help.
Love the Lord, all you godly ones!
For the Lord protects those who are loyal to him,
but he harshly punishes the arrogant.
So be strong and courageous,
all you who put your hope in the Lord!
Psalm 31:19-24

God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
The Lord Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Come and see what the Lord has done,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
He makes wars cease
to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the shields with fire.
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
The Lord Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Psalm 46

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28

Trying to keep Noelani's brain going this summer while school is out... trying to find ways to keep it fun for her can be difficult for me.

Today we were out back screwing around and noticed the pomegranate tree with all the different flowering stages. Fascinating if you're in the mood for that kinda stuff.
So, we decided to explore different ways to learn about them. Sadly, there were no ripe pomegranates, otherwise I would have found a good pomegranate recipe and had us whip something up. Oh well, we did well for a first attempt at making learning fun. I enjoyed it anyway. :)

First, we examined the pomegranate tree and tried to guess which stages of growth came first. Picked a few and sorted them out according to our hypothesis. Then we checked online to make sure we were right, and I think we were!
Then we made observations, and tried to draw the stages... just like Sid the Science Kid! :)
I think it's really interesting how it starts out red, then goes to green, and back to red again when it's ripe.

Here's what we came up with!





Then we ended up watching a fast forwarded painting of a pomegranate happen. I think it's good to see how much effort and fine tuning a simple painting like this takes to turn out the way it did. We thought it was really cool. Now, when we go to a gallery of fine arts, we'll be able to appreciate the work better.

Noelani will be 7 in August. I'm not sure if it's normal or not, but she doesn't always tell me the highlights of her day unless I poke around for them anymore.... and that doesn't always guarantee that I'll get some good intel out of her either. The usual routine when I pick her up from school begins with me asking her what her best and worst moment during the day was. Sometimes she's not in the mood and finds this exchange to be intrusive, but I miss her so much that this is what I do to try to make up for the missed time, to be close with her.
Last night I found out that I may be going about this all wrong... Attempted bedtime around here is 8 on school nights. But on visitation days during the week with her dad (like yesterday), she doesn't get home until around 8.
We're so far behind on homework, she hadn't showered, and she was hungry for the lasagna that was in the oven (it was intended for my dad)... so even though it was just past bed time and all this stuff needed to be done, we both just took a break and sat at the dinner table eating a very bad carb choice for so late at night.... Her comment, "This part right here looks like dog poop" was met with, "My dog poop is kinda crunchy, I think I burnt it."
Despite the exhaustion and suppressed anxiety, and of course the "inappropriate" conversation, this was quality time.
Quality time in the middle of the week, and the homework isn't finished yet?? Whaaaaat?? That's right, no joke!
Normally in this situation, there wouldn't be a lot of light hearted exchange. I think I would usually tell her how late it is and how fast she needs to get her food done so she could get in bed... like a responsible mother would, right? I dunno... lol

This small change created a great opportunity. With no pressure from me, she surprised me by opening up about her day on her own... in detail! She told me about what happened at lunch, and who she sat with. There are these 2 boys that she tries to convince me (and maybe herself) that she doesn't have crushes on. She told me about what she did at recess too. And she was happy to try to answer my questions as best she could when I was interested in more details! Despite the ticking of the clock and work yet to be done, it was a night of magic for this mom!

Granted, there are still responsibilities that need to be handled, and I can't let her fall behind on a regular basis.... but I'm realizing that it's these small moments that will make or break the influence I have over my daughter. And as a former teenaged girl, I can attest to how hard it was to maintain open dialogue with my parents without feeling like we were on opposing teams. I need to find time to love on Noelani the way she needs to be loved, not when or how it's convenient for me. I need to work on accepting and trying to understand who she is, instead of trying to make her conform to my way of thinking. Our relationship is just as important (quite possibly even more important) as making sure everything on the list of achievement gets done. I'm always so worried that she's going to make the same mistakes that I did (and they were big ones), so I end up lecturing and burdening her with too much instruction and criticism. Somehow I think that this is me being a positive influence. I squeeze so tight, trying to help her avoid the wrong path even though what I'm probably doing is ensuring her alienation from me in the future.
Tonight though, I just listened with interest. And when I asked questions, it was with interest, not with judgment. I talked to her and laughed as if we were best friends, and she lit up and blossomed right before my eyes.

There are times in my life where I realize that something isn't right with me, and I agonize over the fact that I have no idea how to fix it. I cannot fully express the drowning feeling of hopelessness that is often attached to these emotionally aimless junctures I sometimes find myself in. Having said that, though...
I absolutely do not take for granted what has taken place between us this night.

Thank you, God, for not giving up on me... In your good timing, a prayer is answered.

Totally dragging lately. Period just ended... things should be getting back to normal, yeah? It's been overcast and a bit rainy the past 2 days and that usually slows me down a bit. Noelani started getting sick Sunday night, so maybe I'm starting to catch something from that? I don't know, but I can't seem to shake that feeling when you wake up and just want to lay in bed all day.... even though I got up at 5 yesterday and today to work out... instead of giving me that burst of euphoric energy, it just drains me lately..... I hope I can snap out of it soon.... I'm so tired and irritable.

i suuuuuuuuuuure do! my first car was an '84 Chrysler New Yorker named Jones. My second was a Kia Sportage named Petie... Petey? Peter when he was bad. My third and current vehicle is a 2004 Kia Sorento whose name is Bosco.

:)

lj, i'm sorry for being so distant lately. to be honest, i have not even checked in on you in quite a few weeks. the appeal of another has caught my attention and i think i find this new partner more appealing than you. i am so sorry... i am scum.

i really need to put some lotion on my hands. they remind me of old lady hands in a major way.

$1 oatmeal at jamba juice today.

what if? every moment of your life, there was someone on the other side of the mirror... watching you...?

i just get all... sorts of embarrassed.