Shanti's Writing and Rants

So, it's been *ages* since I've been here.  I come mostly when I'm missing fandom/looking to read new fanfic.  I logged in today and the entire format of livejournal was so utterly changed as to be completely unrecognizable.  I need a "dislike" button.

An era seems to be winding to an end. I don't have time to play in any roleplaying games right now, myself, but I used to be able to come lurk around LJ or IJ and find good ones worth reading just to kill a few minutes here and there.

Alas, now the best I can do is find a few decent individuals amid the riff-raff. It seems gone are the days when mods wouldn't tolerate "one-liner" posts or lackadaisical character development. I think fondly to the countless hours I spent playing and reading and I feel a definite sense of melancholia.

Even the fanfiction groups seem to be slipping away. Snarry Games seems to have called an end to those games and the various holiday 'fests' this year seemed less prolific than prior years.

Perhaps when the final movies come out again in quick succession, there will be an upsurge for a while. Alas, I suspect it will only be a temporary, last-gasp of a dying fandom.

I am very sad. I still have found nothing that grips my imagination in quite the same way as the HP-verse.

Ah, well. I will continue to lurk. I suspect by the time I actually have TIME to write and play again, HP fandom will be all but gone, only us final hold-outs, well, holding out. ;)

Why are there so few hours in a day?

Why is it always the not-so-good writers that are the most prolific?

Why does my creative writing muse demand hours of peace and quiet to flourish and create, when I can only give it scraps of time at the end of the day?

Unrelated to my own childish whinging, I'm curious as to the widely variant and often completely opposite "squicks" that people have. What squicks you in reading fanfiction (or any fiction)? Why does it give you those heebee-jeebies?

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Thanks for listening to my whinge. Feel free to participate in the HP fandom "what squicks you" discussion as you wish.

Cross posted to my Insane Journal shanti_writes

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Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it's off to work I go. Leaving the house at 0215 after an inadequate attempt at four hours of sleep.

Cheers.

Not my literal voice, but definitely my creative/writing voice.

I think it's because I'm too dang busy with kid-stuff. Soccer, dance, track, band, school play, Sunday school, bazzillion fundraisers, etc., etc., etc.

I MISS my own head-space. I miss writing fanfic. I miss trying to write on my original stuff.

But whenever I have a few minutes peace and quiet - I see the 'stuff' around the house that needs to be done in our rare moments of down time. Laundry. Cleaning. Camper that must be winterized asap.

And none of my favourite characters are speaking inside my head anymore. Or at least, not in voices insistent enough to transfer themselves to the page. I have outlines. Explicit, detailed notes going from point A to point B on the stuff I've been working on.

Even that scaffolding isn't supporting me right now.

I wouldn't give up a DROP of this 'kid time' for anything in the world. They're growing up so fast - I have only four "for sure" years left with my oldest boy. I gave up a lot of my fandom and online "junk" so I could have more time with the kids and less time away from addictive online time-wasters.

But sometimes, I really miss just living in another character's being for a little while.

Ah, well. This too shall pass.

Today, I:

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Life is good. I don't mean to sound whingy. Honestly, I had FUN the vast majority of the day. Coaching soccer is ridiculously rewarding - shouting-sore-throat and all - and it's just a blessing to have these wonderful times with the kids.

But boy, oh boy, am I tired! (grin)

And here's why.
x-posted to my IJ account,

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Edited names out.

Damn, am I pissed.

Firstly, yes, 'she lives'.

About a year and a half ago I significantly dropped my online time to spend more time with my family. Kids are growing up and so active and everything . . ..

It's been great. However, I've missed my 'online' friends and creative outlet, the "me" space inside my own head and all that jazz.

After saving up my pennies and generous birthday gifts from my family, I splurged on a fancy (refurbished) laptop and now will be able to take my hobby with me when I'm sitting through endless practices and games and stuff. LOL

But, what I'm really excited about is the health benefits I've reaped and I have to crow!

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Anyway, if you're still reading - thanks for letting me take a minute to shout my little personal triumph. :)

My oldest son is going to be 15 in July. He's at that age where mom gets dumber by the second, exists only to be humiliating, and is only endurable when in need of money or transportation.

I'm exaggerating slightly - he's a good kid and relatively responsible and all that stuff, but still. He's a young-teen-boy.

Tonight, after enduring (barely) his little sister's "dance camp" performance without (much) complaint, he was rewarded with being allowed to sleep in the basement (with the game systems) and have the space/games to himself for the night.

Half an hour ago he came upstairs and said, "Mom, if someone tells me they want to commit suicide, is that one of the things you want me to tell you right away?"

Yikes!

So, of course I said yes, and so he showed me text-messages from a female friend of his, in despair because her boyfriend broke up with her, etc. Usual 14-year-old angst stuff, except that she says she feels hopeless and wants to die and knows where her mom keeps sleeping pills.

Gah!

I called their house, no answer from the landline phone. She won't answer her cell, though she kept up the text-message thing. So we (son and I) hopped into the car and drove to her house.

She was terribly embarrassed when I got there (son stayed hiding in the car, upset that she might be mad that he 'told' on her), but she was home alone with her sister (a common circumstance) and I just needed her to know that she was being 'watched', if that makes any sense.

Of course, it was all probably just a plea for attention - but if it had been that one in a hundred chance that it was the 'real thing', I could never have lived with myself for ignoring it.

I am sooooooooo proud of my kid for telling me! I can't imagine how hard that must have been for him to do! I told her (the young lady in question) that I routinely 'snoop' my son's cell phone and 'made' him tell me who the text messages were from in order to hopefully help him 'save face' a little bit.

Sometimes they really surprise you.

Well, you don't need me to tell you that I've used livejournal sporadically, if at all. Mostly posting fanfic or getting emotions off my chest, be they of the ranty, happy, or sad variety. I have certainly sucked at replying to anyone else's posts with anything like regularity.

I will continue to use Livejournal for my RPG, because to try and move something so large at this point in time would completely kill the game.

However, I doubt I will be back here to weasleyfan for anything other than reference to my 'old' stuff and friends-only access to some of the stories I like to read that have still remained here. I haven't quite figured out the quick and easy way to transfer everything to my Insane Journal account, but I'll eventually get the important things moved over there.

My username at Insane Journal is shanti_writes

Please feel free to follow me/friend me there. I've already been a lot more 'present' there than I ever was, here.

The thing is, with all the LJ wank, almost all the groups and people I did lurk/read/follow have moved there, and with my slow dial-up, I just don't have the time or inclination to maintain two blogging type accounts. I'm not a person that gets into the My Space thing or the Twitter or all those other fun but relatively pointless distractions. I have a very limited amount of time to devote to my own entertainment/fandom/writing/escapism, and I like to spend that time as productively as possible.

I was mostly ignoring the LJ wank, but when my paid account at my game started to show up with adverts, and now I can't even get my paid account to "see" livejournal properly when I use Firefox, though my free account works fine and IE is fine . . ., well there just isn't any point in trying to wrestle with the damn thing any more.

So, if you want to catch me around, that's where I can be found. :)

If you don't know who the heck I am or can't remember how or why I ended up on your f-list, you probably won't notice my absence. :)

Hugs and best wishes to everyone!