I can't believe how much my life has changed lately. Just 6 months ago I was in Georgia, planning a wedding and fighting with my mom and now I am on the hellmouth running my dad's restaurant.
I know that I am lucky, it isn't that I am not thankful to be alive, or maybe it is, either way I know that I am lucky. The only thing that keeps me from focusing on just how damn lucky I am is how much I wish Robert was here to help me with all of this.
How the hell am I supposed to raise my 8 year old sister? Sure, I have Caitlen to help me, but she is 17 and starting college, she has more important things to worry about than helping me raise our 8 year old sister.
To top it all off I now have a restaurant to run. I would just like to know whose brilliant idea it was for me to open a restaurant here? Of course Caitlen is in here element, singing here every night and Bekah loves helping, I just worry it isn't fair. I know I am probably over obsessing I just can't help but worry.
Now really isn't the time for this anyway, I should be focusing on the things around me, the guests here, making sure the people I do have working here don't piss anyone off, and that Bekah doesn't freeze anyone to death. So many things to worry about and so little time.
I tried to get out of this day many times. I didn't want to go to a party and pretend to be happy and that I wanted to be here. What I wanted was to be back in Athens, Have my parents back and have some meaningless fight with them, then have the ability to run to Robert vent about it, train then make love then go back to my parents and make up. That is what I wanted to do, but no, I have to be here at this party.
Don't get me wrong, it isn't that bad, they have actually been nice to us since we got here, but honestly, what is the purpose of having a party and dressing up when there are other important things we should be doing, like training for instance.
Ok so what if the evilies aren't supposed to come out on Halloween, I don't care, I want to be training. I want to be ready for what may come at us next, because honestly I wasn't ready for what happened before. Not that anyone is ever ready to come home to a family murdered and a traumatized sister.
I guess there is still a part of me that fears it will happen again. I mean he is still out there and he can find ways to get to us. However that could be a benefit to being here, I am sure that my redneck ex won't find a way to get to me in England of all places.
I really needed to not worry about this, what I needed to do was anything I can to make my sister's life easier, but sometimes its hard. I did notice that when I arrived she looked like she was having a good time so I didn't interrupt. Instead I made my way to the other side of the room.
I still didn't feel right; it was almost as if I was tired, like my energy and strength had just been cut in half. I however didn't worry about it, it is probably because I have spent the day trying to avoid the day. I will make my appearance; let Cait see me in this dress that is horribly uncomfortable and then head back to my room. At least in my room no one would bother me and make me pretend to be happy when I am not.
I watched everyone go their seperate ways and I knew that I needed to go talk to Wesley. I asked Gwen and Connor to wait in the lobby, that I didn't think it would be wise for all of us to go up there and harass him when I could do it just the same. They didn't like it, but they agreed...well I should say Connor didn't like it, I wondered if he was jealous.
Once I finally got upstairs and to Faith's door, a room I knew with the utmost certainty that Wesley would be in, I started to doubt that this was the right idea. I couldn't bother him, I mean he had better things to do than listen to a girl he didn't know and consent to her ransacking his office. I just more than anything didn't want to disturb him when he is watching over someone he cares for. However the other side to this is that we need information on Hamilton and to get it we need those books.
I finally knocked gently, almost praying he wouldn't hear me, I didn't want to disturb him and I didn't want to disturb Faith. However, I knew that if we were to accomplish anything today that this was vital, and I wasn't going to lie to Angel if he saw me. I was going to very honestly say, we are getting something for Wesley. I mean that can't be too much of a lie, we are getting something for him, if he needs it as well as some things for us. I just hope that all goes according to plan.
Connor, Gwen and I made our way around town, menacing in every demon bar that we could find. Finally we found the information we needed. After some hands on convincing from me it told us that we could find the dreamweaver in some alley near the hotel. Well isn't in wonderful that we went all over town and there she was near the hotel. So now we would have to high tail it all the way back across town to the hotel and track from there.
Connor seemed worried that I would be hurt in this quest, but when he saw how I managed he backed off, though I could still sense his worry. It was odd though that I hadn't had an attack the whole time we were out. We were around some seriously evil things and nothing, not even a twinge. I guess I should be thankful, but I wasn't.
We finally got to the alley that the demon said she was in and I couldn't find her, something in me told me that we were close though. After about 20 more minutes and a huge fight we had managed to finally capture her, unharmed..well aside from her being unconcious. I didn't care though, we needed her to save Faith.
Once we managed to get her back to the firm and to Wesley all we had to do now is wait. Wait for Faith to get better. That and I had to tell Spike and Wesley that Giles was calling everyone to the hyperion. I don't know why, but I wasn't about to ask when Giles called the 35 times he did. He seemed frantic and almost broken so it had to be something big.
"Ok long story short...Faith, who is a slayer, had to be sedated..something is wrong and she needs our help to bring in what did this to her. Giles is the man you met when you came back to the hotel to find me. He called me..."
I sighed and looked to Connor and Gwen "You two wanted me back in the game and to help those in need...I have to do this for Faith." They both looked at each other then back to me nodding. I smiled a bit then motioned for us to leave. The realtor handed us the keys and the final papers and then also left.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted this to all be a mistake and them not to need us, but they did need us so we had to do what we had to do. "You also asked why he was at the firm...well I guess Wesley called the hotel asking Giles for help being as Faith is a slayer and I believe Wesley is a former watcher and Giles rushed over immediatly calling me not long after. I am sensing that there is more than he is telling me, but that will have to wait."
Once we were in the car and Connor was yet again driving I looked to Gwen. "If you don't want to go I am sure that we can handle it." She gave me a look that said she was with us. I smiled and told Connor to head on. I don't know if I am ready for this, but I don't have a choice...Faith needs us.
So this was going well...or not. I had sucessfully killed the mood. "Look guys, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to kill the mood...just felt like saying what I was thinking. I shouldn't--I shouldn't have." I looked away trying to get back into my happy place...it wasn't happening.
"Hey, you two talk amongst yourselves. I am going to get cleaned up and change so we can head to see the house and then on to Wolfram and Hart to see Angel and Wesley. Don't worry really." I smiled and kissed Connor heading back upstairs. I needed a shower and a change of clothes, I would be fine after that.
I prayed that Connor wouldn't follow me, but most likely he would. If I got into the shower quickly he couldn't. Not sure that a shower would necessarily stop him, but I had to hope. Grabbing what I was going to wear and heading into the bathroom I looked at myself in the mirror. I couldn't really look at myself without hearing moms words over and over. I remember the night they disowned me, the night Robert died, I was almost thankful that they did that. It made things easier that way. I didn't have to live up to them anymore, the only downside was I wasn't there to protect my sisters and brother...I guess hindsight is always going to be 20/20.
I thought on these things as I got ready. I was actually thankful that Connor didn't follow..or if he did he noticed I was in the shower and just needed some time on my own. I actually felt better once I was cleaned up and fully dressed. I took a moment to take a deep breath and looked in the mirror for a second..only a second and headed out of the room and back to Gwen and Connor with a smile on my face.
"Sorry..I just needed some time to think....and now I am all better."
I had a nice dinner with my...sister. This was going to take a lot of getting used to, but she has convinced me not to give up on my calling and if I promise to do that then she will stand by my side. I am not foolsih to believe that she is not going to do side jobs, hell she probably has one planned for tonight, but atleast she will be at my side for all the good fights that she can.
Something else I could count on was that she wouldn't end up dead like everyone else I loved. I knew that she didn't need me to protect her which was a great thing. I had just finished cleaning up and making a plate for Connor as I thought on this when who else should walk in the door, but Connor.
"Hey sexy man" I said softly. "You hungry? I made you a plate too." He looked at me with that I am always hungry don't you know that look. I just had to smile as I moved to him and kissed him deeply. "I hate to say this, but you win." Lets just see if he asks about this one.
Ok so that went well. I saw my sister again and she actually wanted to talk this time. I was shocked that she even wanted to see me again when Giles called. When I got there I had brought with me a bag of things I found from my parents things. It was all the stuff that even closely related to a daughter they once had.
She looked through the paper finding a receipt for a school in some state not ours. I was more shocked than before when she started to cry. I would have never thought she would have cried. I walked over to her and hugged her. It felt good to once again have family. This was family that wasn't going to judge me and wasn't going to disown me. It was beyond nice..it was amazing.
When she left we had made plans to have dinner. I couldn't wait actually which was weird. I don't much care to cook yet this was one time I was rushing home to cook a kick ass dinner for her and I...and most likely Connor. Though I am going to attempt to get him to go home for a couple hours.
I thought it would be harder to get that to happen, but he said that he felt time with my sister would be good for both of us. I smiled as he left to go back to his apartment to see his roommate and I began to cook dinner for my sister....I love the sound of that. The sound of the fact that I still have a sister...
Things have started to calm down and as bad as it sounds I am in love again...but this is different. Connor is different. He is someone that I can relate to we get along we don't fight and I can just cur up in his arms and cry when need be. He has been with me every step of the way of making David pay for what he did and with the new excitment...
I apperently have a twin. An identical twin. One that looks sounds and dresses like me. I don't get this. I don't know how this happened. I got to thinking about this and went through the things that I brought to LA with me after dealing with my parents death and I found a box of pictires of a baby that isn't me.
There was some files as well, the files showed me that I did in fact have a sister that had a special power that my parents couldn't deal with so they found a new home for her. Never telling any of us about her. I wanted to get to know her better, but I don't think she would ever give me that chance.
She seemed scared of actually getting to know or care for anyone, which also sounds a lot like me. I guess I will have to talk to Angel about this and see if he can get her to talk to me more. I needed to know her, I needed family that wasn't figruitive. I will just have to do what I have to do to make that happen. For now I need to get ready for classes. That is if I can tear myself away from Connor.
Gunn had helped me get my car back and sent me on home promising that I could call on him anytime I needed to talk. I couldn't believe how nice he was being. I couldn't believe how ok I was with the fact that Nate was gone. I thought I was ok anyway.
I finally got home and walked in locking the door behind me. I looked at the empty apartment and broke down. I had lost yet another man I loved. I couldn't believe this was happening. I had to again learn how to sleep alone.
I tried to sleep and couldn't. I had what I call my comfort bear and even cuddling with him didn't help. I needed someones arms around me. I finally cried myself to sleep god only knows ho much longer after I laid down.
I woke up thinking that Nate was going to be there and he wasn't. I had to come to the reality that he was truly gone and that he wasn't coming back. The other reality was that if I wanted this semerster to be pleasurable in the least I had to get up and go enroll. I was not looking forward to the long lines and the cost. Luckily the cost was not as bad considering most of it was paid by scholorship.
While I was standing in line to pay for all of this I met this really nice guy. His name is Connor Reilly. I was an utter bitch to him and he kept talking to me anyway. After our long wait in line for some odd reason I invited him back to talk and eat chinese.
Thats all we did was talk. As we inhaled the absurd amount of chinese food and then went for a walk we talked. Or rather I talked and he listened. I told him the bare minimum, but that I basically lost someone I loved because of my life so on and so on. While we were sitting in the park talking and I had told him that I am not a person he wanted to get involved with a vamp decided to interrupt.
I then had to fight the vamp kicking his ass. I also came to the conclusion that no matter what I will never be normal. 24 hours into my attempt at a normal life and this is brought to my attention like a bright red road flare....or are they orange...or...oh hell I don't care it was like a bright sign that said 'Angelina you idiot you will never be normal'.
What shocked me is that Connor didn't run away. Instead we talked as we walked back to the apartment. Might I say, boy is good with the pep talks, he reminds me a lot of Angel. Well Angel and Gunn. All three said basically the same thing. So as usual, Angelina does not get a normal life.
Sometime during our talk I ended up falling asleep on the couch and apperently started crying in my sleep. He attempted to comfort me and I think subconciously in my sleep I thought he was Nate....or just someone who cared. Either way I latched on to him and he held me all night.
When I woke up in his arms though...I panicked. I thought I had done so much more. He woke up and of course calmed me down told me that all he did was comfort me. I was thankful yet terrified by this. I decided to go for my run and if he was still here when I got back we would jump off that bridge then.
What I didn't expect was to come home to a amazing breakfast and he cooked it all. He said he wants to be friends and he wants to make sure I am ok. That and he likes to take care of me. I couldn't help but smile at that, though I despise men who think they need to care for women. Thats another thing for another time. Right now I am going to enjoy him being a good friend and as horrible as it may sound...maybe more.
Right now I have to focus on the insane price I just paid for my books, dance supplies, and dance uniforms. I had forgotten how expensive all of this was. He said he would take me by Wolfram and Hart so I guess that is our next stop. I need to get Nate's things and thank Angel for all he has done.
contemplative
calm