Guess wHat? livejournal is emo! i have finally figured this.yes, yes i sound assy saying it, but in our heads we all know its the truth.and thats why you picked it! its like the more depressing version of xanga. and i mean, come one now kids, look at all the options you have for the MOOD: blank. only someone emotional could do with alll those many options!!anyway. yea, so today. lets see. boooring day.i woke up, ate breakfast, did laundry, went to the mac, everyone stared at me and i didn't know why,went grocery shopping, came home, ATE, and had a very fueding conversation with my dad's girlfreind about how much i despise her family. all in all. this day was....ehhh...i wont lie, it coulda been better. but, what can you do? be emo? that only solves problems on the outside. the REAL answer is............................................Just act like your problems don't exist. its the easiest way to be perfectious.
it feels good to be me! i have a theory . All these events going on around us. they're a sign. 135,000+ people have died in a tsunami. A stronger force is telling us somthing. we take innocent lives in Iraq. but we forget, that hate is not the answer, and that we have no right to take a human life. now i'm not saying to be jew, christian, muslim. or even to beleive in god. you can be atheist, scientoligist. but we need to stop hating. because karma will protest, through the lives of innocent people to show us. we need to stop. we need to take away all the hate. take away all the pain we inflict in ourselves. this is our calling. this is what's telling us, to remember, we are not in control of our lives, or anyone elses!! Remember this as you go through your day, that you have to be the best you can to yourself, because making yourself a better person, is making the world a better place, and in turn saving humanity. i'm not trying to sound cheezy, but its not to late to save ourselves. LOOK AT THE WORLD. we are all so perverted and distraught in the mind. what have we done to ourselves?! take a better look at your life, try to make a conscious effort to eliminate hate in this world, eliminate immorality. because its not too late to save the world.
ok. so i am here. back in houston. woopdee doo. yea, the whole time in san diego i was like.. damn i wish i was back in houston, i'm missing out on all the fun. then i came. and it wasn't. [fun]. i miss california. it sounds weird but location makes a HUGE difference in your mood.California, it just feelss......right? yea, it feels right. the people, the climate, its a completely different culture. So if california feels right, Texas is DEFINENTLY wrong. WRONG WRONG WRONG. AHHH!! I HATE TEXAS! ESPECIALLY houston. i can't say it enough. i HATE texas. everything about it. but enough negativity. Its chrXmas EvE! why am i not feeling excited? maybe puberty releases not christmas spirit chemicals in ur body, and then you never go back.but the last time i remember it feeling like christmas was 6th grade, god knows i miss it but i can't get it back. O WELL : / anywho. i gotta do somthing. dunno what yet,but its chrismas and typing away on livejournal is NOT what you do on chrismas. well, atleast not what your SUPPOSED to do.
IM IN SAN DIEGO!! YAY!! im a little dissapointed i had to miss going to the refuge with nicole and ariana and seb, but ya know. what can u do when ur on a plane next to a smelly old lady and a guy who keeps leaning on you? anyway, i saw jamie and allison today. MY GOD!! i missed them, it feels great to see them again, and it was awesome catching up. we were at their house during the afternoon, and then cassie (their neighbor) came over. me and cassie walked down to wahoos, and we watched movies, and it was fun because my mom was down in bonita setting up her new office. yea, then about 3 oclock cassie left to go to some birthday party, and it was me jamie and allie, and we were just like talking and we were bored.so yea, then my mom came and took us all to champagne's and we ate food and walked around, and it was awesome. so its been a good day. i'm gonna go call kyle, and so if were gonna do somthing together tomorrow night. yee-hah. XX nikki XX
i went chrismas shoping today. cool cool. my dad bought like 4 suits, and it was annoying because i had to sit there and just tell him everything looked good. but nothing couuld ever look good on him. he's not a good person, and if he ever does look good he doesn't deserve it. i'm eating caramel popcorn right now. i bought a purse at the mall, its awesome, all sequiny and glamorous. my dad's putting up the chrismas tree, and i dont have the nerve to go into the living room. ehhh... : / well, ariana's at emily's and i'm dying here. just thought i'd update.mmm...this thing never really gets too interesting i guess...i should try to spice it up. expect somthing more mmm...how do you say.... "spicier" in the next entry. but in the BlanD meanwhile....yea, last night me and ariana went to sjv. we met these guys there sebastian and jesus. well..yea. needlesss to say i'm a bit..crushed? i'm selfish i know it. but i guess i'm used to always being picked first, and not picked over. ariana and sebastian were happily and confidently getting to know each other, while i cast my self out (for the sake of being third wheel) and had to browse a little. i met up with kayce and nicole [...kayce...] and they were with some guys. very preppy. cute. very preppy. i talked to wes a little *throbbing of the heart...CEASTS TO EXIST. i thought he would be......how i remembered him. guess not. he's nicer now i guess, but who knows? he was there with his girlfreind, does that count for any change in personality? quite possibly i'm thinking it does... i also talked to this guy dylan. very funny. cute, but i'm not interested. he got my number, but i don't plan on picking up the phone, too much work for somthing not worth it. OH YES! i saw ben keller!!amazing that exactly one year ago, at the sjv last year i met him. ON THAT EXACT DAY! will i only see him at sjv's for the rest of my adolescence? maybe...most likely.. he seemed...ehh..dismissive i'm thinking is the word..but i'm not heartbroken, he's not the same, or actually IM not the same..but it was an alright night in the whole. i thought i looked rather stunning if i'm partial to say so, everyone looked good actually. it was a nice night. not ALL that i had hoped for but a nice night.
life is once again, glorious. beautiful. i love it. i'm so pretty it hurts to look. and i love myself. i love everything. i'm in love. not with a person in particular. but i'm in love i know it.
HEY!!!!!!!!! i have a secret!!!!!! acutally not really. but i feel happy, i sorta temporarily moved outa my house, and i live with ariana, cuz i had a mental breakdown, and i couldn't handle living with my dad anymore..i guess, i sort of kicked myself out. BUT I LOOVE IT HERE!!!!!! ooohhh, i'm in heaven i love her mom, she's soo nice. even though i'm not part of the family, i feel pretty excepted. and they all feel bad for me, because i'm so fragile right now, so i get a lot of things that i want. or maybe thats how they always are at her house...maybe i'm the only house thats different. i donno, but who cares? i love it here. and school is great i'm feeling great, i feel healthy and alive and strong and tall. i'm so happy, i haven't felt this in a while. i feel like getting high....awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww......... but its not too important, its almost like i'm on a natural high. i feel liek running, sprinting.but its late, and i should be in bed. so i wont. i've been so busy it feels like. and i'm having fun. and i'm laughing, and i dont have to worry. i'm not anxious, and i breathe easier. i have a doctors appointment tomorrow, and i was talking to one of wes's freinds just now, he's soo cute.now i have to go straighten my hair and watch laguna beach.
it never gets better. its all in your head. dont you remember? thats what he said to her. i hate it here. just fuck me. _so dont go worrying about me_ its only all i think about. today i fell against the lockers. you dont ever love me. you caught me bleeding and you slapped my hand told me it doesn't matter. so it doesnt matter. does it ever? im running out of life. im fresh out of me. so i cant understand why im worth only this? when i wondered on life, i wondered my advice. this life's a new diet i can't remember. and im growing old. _-in how she's so pretty-_ when will i live?
okay. *anxious inhalation*. so this is the update for you live from san diego california. i bought some new clothes, some new makeup and chilled in encinitas. i'm going surfing on thanksgiving and i went to the plaza with kyle, john and cameron. kyle called last night he said we should go out just the 2 of us. a date. my mom is in LOVE with him. and i'm getting a haircut tomorrow.
oh yea and _______ has a girlfreind. </3
horoscopes are lyers. dont' beleive in the stars, anything so far away can't be real.
THIS IS THE END OF THE WORLD SO IT SEEMS
_gahh...love that song..._
cranky
powerful meaningful optimistic