ilya is a d1 ragebaiter. hes a fucking pro. but his absolute favorite move is playing the long game. jabbing at a player, small comments that go mostly unnoticed. just a chirp here and there. low enough in passing no one picks up on it but the target. and they just layer and layer until finally the player snaps at which point ilya lets them get one good hit and then breaks out his wide, innocent baby blues and turns to the ref like what the fuck is wrong with him. it must be used sparingly to stay maximally effective but goddd is it Ilya's most satisfying ragebait
shane climbing into ilya’s lap when ilya starts crying in ep5… do u think that this is just how shane comforts ilya form now on? sees that ilya is a little sad and shane just crawls over him and snuggles up in his lap like a kitty, pet and kiss me to feel better, rock me like baby that will be nice yes
the fact that it was their first ever hug is sending me
I know Ilya loves encouraging Shane’s pettier impulses. Not because Ilya is king of pettiness or a bitchy person. I mean, he can be, but those aren’t primary facets of his personality.
No—it’s because one thing Ilya knows is two things for certain. One: Shane is the best. THE best. Ilya talks a big game and he can back it up because he’s a generational talent in his own right, sure, but he is not Shane Hollander. He teases his husband and calls him “second best player in the league” because it gets Shane in a mood that always leads to fun (and that’s business that stays between Ilya, several ruined sets of sheets, and the thin walls of multiple hotel rooms). When you get down to it, he’s the famous and amazing Ilya Rozanov, yes, but that’s…that’s Shane Hollander. Shane “break the internet, top two and I ain’t number two” Hollander. Shane Thee Hollander.
Two: despite being Shane Thee Hollander, first of his name, baddest of bitches, and the Beyoncé of their field (and a cutie patootie on top of all that), Shane is not loud about his accomplishments—and Ilya thinks he should be. Shane lets the accomplishments speak for themselves. He achieves, breaks records, wins and wins and fucking wins some more, and just keeps going. He’s a force of nature. Ilya thinks his husband should have an opportunity to be loud, braggadocious, and downright obnoxious if and when he wants because, again, he’s Shane fucking Hollander.
So when Shane starts off a conversation with “I’m going to say something kind of mean,” Ilya rolls out the proverbial red carpet. Talk your shit, baby. I’m all ears.
“He’s really confident for someone with such low shooting accuracy.” Exactly. The nerve of him to even breathe your air, much less chirp at you.
“…but if I showed up in that outfit, Twitter would never let me hear the end of it!” You’re so right. He looked awful.
“Fuck him! And not in the good way!” Yup! Say it again! Matter of fact, let me get you a microphone.
“I love Hayden—as a friend, Ilya, Jesus—but maybe a vasectomy is a good idea.” I’d put ten babies in you if I could, but you’re still absolutely right about this. Jackie’s had enough.
“I respect Scott, but he’s not exactly in his prime, you know?” Scott is a dinosaur. It’s a miracle that he dodged the asteroid and made it this long without turning into dust. We should call and tell him ourselves.
“Our wedding was better.” Of course it was. I got to marry you. Any event with you at the center is the best. All the others are bullshit.
“I’m not taking that shit from some fucker with a receding hairline and no points for an entire season. Pick a struggle, asshole.” We should book him a flight to Turkey for one of those procedures. Can’t fix the other thing, though.
“Was that too mean?” Never! Say more, my love. Insult his mother. Shit-talk his teeth. You know he had a nose job last season? Supposedly it was to fix a break, but everyone knows that’s bullshit.