digital selfharm is real. do NOT check up on that ex-partner/ex-friend. do NOT reread those old messages/conversations that you know will hurt your feelings all over again or that will otherwise make you feel like shit. do NOT block evade to see if you’re being talked about. inhale. exhale. let it pass and you’ll be better for it.

dancing with a trans girl and spinning her around and making her feel like the prettiest girl in the world.

It's actually kind of ridiculous how trans women have been pushed out of transmisogyny, like the mythical flawlessly passing perfectly feminine femboy who has to tell the audience stand in flirting with him "Actually I'm a guy" is just the same transmisogynistic joke since the fucking nineties of someone flirting with a woman and then suddenly noticing they're trans except now in a progressive turn of events, there are no more trans women! To prevent transphobia we have erased trans women while keeping the exact same jokes used against them for decades! We hope to make a much more sensitive and respectful place without trans women for everyone!

There are a surprising number of tr*ns*ndr*ph*b*a advocates who will concede that transmisogyny is a more severe oppression, but still insist that they just want a word to describe the oppression they face, even if it is lesser. If they are told "your oppression is called transphobia" they generally get frustrated, because they think we're not acknowledging all the shit they have to deal with. I think there's an underlying problem here, that they simply don't understand what we mean by "transphobia".

I think a lot of them would define "transphobia" as something like "the belief that your gender is your AGAB", or "the denial that you are the gender you say you are", i.e. primarily misgendering, and everything that follows from misgendering like bathroom bans. But they have observed that they are not merely misgendered: masculine gender presentation in those assigned female is actively punished by society, which will go out of its way to make them revert to a feminine gender presentation. To them that's not just transphobia, because they are not just being misgendered as cis women, but actually being treated worse than cis women. Thus: tr*ns*ndr*ph*b*a, a hatred of masculinity in those who were assigned female.

The only problem is, that is not how we would define "transphobia". Transphobia is not simply a truth claim about what your gender is, but rather a moral claim about what it ought to be: it's the belief that your gender presentation should not deviate from your AGAB. It's the belief in birth assignment as a social contract that is violated by gender nonconformity and totally torn up by transition. Transphobia is a force that punishes gender deviance in the hope of preventing it.

Any of the classic examples of tr*ns*ndr*ph*b*a, such as being denied access to medical transition on the basis that it will "ruin your pretty female body", are straightforwardly transphobia. It's not about masculinity being hated specifically, masculinity is hated for you, femininity is hated for me, that's just what transphobia means.

The reason we needed a word for "transmisogyny" is because the kinds of punishments transphobia doles out to transfems end up being significantly harsher than those it gives to transmascs, and that word is simply the name given to that gulf in our experiences. "Transmisogyny" is the observation that transphobia harms us more than it harms you, it cannot coexist with tr*ns*ndr*ph*b*a because its whole reason for existence is that gulf. We can't both be treated worse by transphobia than each other.

It seems to me that tr*ns*ndr*ph*b*a advocates often regard "transphobia" as a fairly minor oppression, essentially just misgendering, on top of which sit two other much bigger oppressions, the hatred of femininity in those assigned male, and the hatred of masculinity in those assigned female. This seems a natural taxonomy to them. The idea that all three of these things are actually the same thing is not one that they recognise, unless as an umbrella term with these constituent parts as separate oppressions beneath it.

So, is there actually any reason to choose the transfeminist framing over the tr*ns*ndr*ph*b*a advocates' framing? I think there is, for two reasons:

1. Defining transphobia as essentially a belief that gender = AGAB is a really bad definition, because it's a belief that no one actually holds. When people misgender trans women as "men" they do not really believe we are men (which is obvious when you look at how they treat us), they are calling us that as a punishment, not as a genuinely-held belief. To them we are not men but T-slurs. Transphobia is far better understood as a punishment for breaking a social contract, a whole host of different ways of pressuring us to conform to our AGAB, or if that is not possible, eliminating us.
2. Having a specific oppression name for the fact that masculinity is hated in those assigned female is a framing that focuses attention in the wrong place imo. It is not about masculinity specifically, it is about gender deviance generally. The logic of why transphobia is more severe against transfems (transmisogyny) is that masculinity is actually generally considered superior to femininity. Having an oppression that can be characterised as "hatred of masculinity" comes across as reactionary, since it is a reversal of what is globally true. This is why the tr*ns*ndr*ph*b*a movement can so easily become a broader men's rights movement, because the founding principle of it is a supposed societal hatred of masculinity, when what society is actually hating is gender deviance, and in fact, if you have to be gender deviant, society would much rather you be masculine.

I'm sure people will say I'm giving tr*ns*ndr*ph*b*a advocates too much benefit-of-the-doubt here. I know that a lot of them simply do hold the reactionary belief that masculinity is hated by society, and especially in queer or progressive groups, a belief that is a total inversion of what the world is actually like. And I recognise a lot of thought patterns in common between tr*ns*ndr*ph*b*a advocates and the men's rights advocates of a decade ago. But I think it's still important to try to drill down into the philosophical differences between us, because I know there are some of them who see themselves as supporters of transfeminism, and are frustrated with what they see as our refusal to acknowledge their suffering, a frustration that is ultimately based simply in a misunderstanding of how we define things.

A ciswoman views herself as on equal footing of trans men. They're both Females, so clearly they are in the female class. Ciswomen view trans women in the abstract, an idea of them. Even if a ciswoman says she “supports” trans women, they typically have no genuine material support. There is still the underlying idea that trans women are of the Male class. Ciswomen typically believe there is no way they could profit from the patriarchy, they do not believe in oppositional sexism in any true way. They are the oppressed class. The female class. They couldn’t possibly have ANY privilege.

Trans men can acknowledge that cis women are oppressed under the patriarchy, but also tend to recognize the boot on their neck from ciswomen. They recognize that transness is an additional marginalization that matters. Wether or not every trans man that realizes this understands that transphobia is a facet of the patriarchy and not some unconnected axis is dubious*, but regardless.. On average, trans men can acknowledge ciswomen are privileged above them.

Yet, when it comes to discussing their relationship to trans women, they go “well we are both trans, of course we are in the same class! The class of trans people! Cis men are patriarchs, cis women are oppressed by misogyny, then theres us oppressed by both!” and that’s IF they have even a smidgen of understanding of how trans people interact with the patriarchy, a lot still believe what ciswomen believe but that transphobia is just another axis that oppresses them in some other way, as if it were akin to saying a blk ciswoman is oppressed by a white ciswoman.

And if you try to discuss trans-misogyny to this group in any genuine way, they have the same reaction as ciswomen. ‘Because recognizing the boot on your neck is a lot easier than deconstructing the boots you wear. There is no inquiry on why others are citing statistics and trying to explain why they’re oppressed under you, there’s only a poor understanding of the patriarchy and an idea that to recognize you are privileged under the patriarchy is to ignore your oppression.

A ciswoman could NEVER acknowledge her privilege under the patriarchy, she is THE oppressed group. She is THE female class. She has nothing she needs to deconstruct and she will be forever incentivized to continue on in her ignorance. A trans man could NEVER be privileged above TMA people in the patriarchy, he is THE oppressed group. Female or trans, regardless what class he claims he is, there’s nowhere down from there. And he, too, will be rewarded when he sells out those below him.

The patriarchy has layers, and it wants you to pull the ladder up after you.

Quiz at the end of this for reading comprehension:

Keep reading

i feel like im going insane. ralsei literally has fire magic. noelle has ice magic. next chapter is noelles official introduction to the dark worlds. ralsei is pretty insecure about their placement in the team, and takes the role as a healer. noelle, also, takes role as a healer. theres only 3 party members. they both struggle with being doormats that have a hard time standing up for themselves and their opinions/wants/needs, and also feel helpless to the role designated for them by outside forces. a noelle is just a noelle. you know what happens when i try to break the rules? they have to be perfect. they have to be what everyone wants. they even both have crushes on susie. were about to get some CRAZY yuri

Reblog if you are Bad Queer Representation.

some actual ACTUAL TERF rhetoric (-> and how it's spun by crypto-terfs to make it less overt and more palatable to tme queer & trans people)

• all transfems are abusers & rapists (-> "theres an accountability and abuse apologia problem in the trans community")
• "AFAB transfems", an identity invented by terfs ridiculing trans women and transfems. (-> "it's actually an intersex identity and you're intersexist to say afab transfems arent real")
• bioessentialism, calling transfems male privileged, calling transmascs victims of trans agenda/transfems (-> "AFAB people understand misogyny better than transfems because of experience", "trans men don't have privilege over trans women")
• literally Anything around detrans/detransitioners (-> circumgender, etc. they also literally just say the same shit but tme queer and trans people eat it up despite not being spun or sanitized towards them at all. don't know. tme trans people just LOVE transphobia i guess)
• calling transfems incels, MRAs, often mockingly as TRAs (trans rights activists) (-> calling transfems TRFs/Baeddels/etc. sometimes they Also just call us incels)