"Cause I'll never, never sleep alone..."

I spent most of last night dragging this lake
for the corpses of all my past mistakes
sell me out- the joke's on you
we are salt- you are the wound
empty another bottle
and let me tear you to pieces
this is me wishing you
into the worst situations
I'm the kind of kid
that can't let anything go
but you wouldn't know a good thing
if it came up and slit your throat

Your remorse hasn't fallen on deaf ears,
rather ones that just don't care
because I know
that you're in between arms somewhere
next to heartbeats
where you shouldn't dare sleep
I'll teach you a lesson
for keeping secrets from me

Take your taste back
peel back your skin
and try to forget how it feels inside
you should try saying no once in a while
oh once in while

And did you hear the news?
I could dissect you
and gut you on this stage
not as eloquent as I may have imagined
but it will get the job done (you're done)
every line is plotted and designed
to leave you standing
on your bedroom window's ledge
and everyone else that it hits
that it gets to
is nothing more than collateral damage

Take your taste back
peel back your skin
and try to forget how it feels inside
you should try saying no once in a while
oh once in a while

Take your taste back
peel back your skin
and try to forget how it feels inside
you should try saying no once in a while
oh once in while...

 

I have internet now. Sorta. Kinda. Yea. And I have a new number, but I'm going to post that in a friends only entry, because I'm only releasing it to certain people. Certain special people. Sorry if you're not "special" enough. :)

This entry probably makes me sound like I'm mad, but I'm not. Things are actually going pretty well for me lately. I'm about to get promoted (again) at one job, and everyone at my other job absolutely loves me, I'm finally making enough money to move out (soon), and I think I finally kicked my "addiction". If you don't know what addiction I'm talking about, don't worry, all you're missing out on is drama. I have a new hobby too, but I'm not going to say any details about him yet until I know where things are going. Let's just say for the moment, I'm happy. ;) Anywho, if you're one of the select few that are able to see my next post with my digits, please feel free to give me a ringy ding sometime. Or not, whatever. And to anyone who might've been trying to text me (a long shot, I know), my cell phone was turned off so I never received them. Hope it wasn't anything important!

Would now be a good time to tell you that everything I ever said was a lie?

Comment if you want to be added.

Yellowcard-Inside out

Here. A little sympathy for you to waste on me
I know you're faking it but that's okay
And I don't want to drag it out
Don't want to bring you down
I never wanted it to end this way

Even if I wanted to
I don't think that I'd get to you
There's nothing I can say to you to make you feel alive again

Here. A little jealousy
I hope you think of me
Hope you wonder where I sleep at night
Cause I feel like I'm inside out
You got me upside down
Maybe I was holding on too tight

Even if I wanted to
I don't think that I'd get to you
There's nothing I can say to you to make you feel alive again

So don't just say goodbye to me
Just turn your back away and leave
And if you're lucky I will be your last regret, your only friend

The two of us we dream like one
The two of us, the two of us
The two of use take breath like one
The two of us, the two of us

I guess that this is over now
I guess it's called the falling out
But everyday I'm learning how to make it through this life I'm in

Even if I wanted to
I don't think that I'd get to you
There's nothing I can say to you to make you feel alive again

So don't just say goodbye to me
Just turn your back away and leave
And if you're lucky I will be your last regret, your only friend

I feel a million miles away from anything I've ever known, or loved, or had, or needed. Rain is fun, but only when you have someone to share it with. I can't stand being in a house by myself, and it's especially hard when it's raining outside. I'm claustrophobic, and right now I feel trapped. Rain means winter is coming. Which means Christmas is coming. Which means my birthday is coming. I'm not excited about any of those. Not any more. I'm the type of person that needs something good to look forward to, otherwise I just feel lost. I can't seem to find anything good to look forward to lately. It's all going downhill. I don't even have anything to do for halloween. The one holiday that you can do almost anything you want and nobody cares, I'll probably be sitting at home by myself.

My life wasn't supposed to be like this. I used to live in a 5 bedroom 3 bath two story house, with my rose garden outside my window. I was pre-accepted into UC Davis' Vet Med program. I never even applied, they just wanted me that badly. The worst thing I used to worry about was when I was going to get my license. Now I have to worry about how much longer I'll be around. No, I'm not being dramatic either. It's something that I can't bring myself to tell any of you. I haven't quite come to terms with it yet. But if I never get another chance to say it, I love you all.

Bleh. I can't sleep. Again.
I know what it is. It's the lack of having something comforting nearby. I couldn't sleep last night because I had nothing to hold on to. The only way I'm going to fall asleep tonight is if I let my dog up on my bed. Or use one of the million trillion pillows I have, but that's never as good. There's no heartbeat to fall asleep listening to from a pillow.

Man. I suck.

I don't think I can stay in the game, with this hand of cards I've been dealt. Perhaps it's time I folded.

Wow. I'm such a loser! I have 7 matches on hotornot, and such a ridiculously low score that I won't even show anyone it. Actually, make that 6 matches. You don't count Patrick, I already know you.

Why oh why do things like this bother me so?!?!

Ps. I'm mad at you. I just remembered that. So, it starts now.

"Whoa, that fell quicker than the speed of light!
It fell at about 10 gigahertz a second.
10 gigahertz a second?! Are you crazy, do you even know how fast a gigahertz is?
That's just ridiculous, a gigahertz is faster than that!"

All this from one guy on a bike. He's talking about his Starbucks that he dropped as he was trying to cross the street. I tried not to laugh, I didn't want to provoke him. The rest of the walk my sister and I kept saying 'Are you crazy, do you even know how fast a gigahertz is? That's just ridiculous, a gigahertz is faster than that!'

Great fun. :)

Hey guys, I have a buttload of Gmail invites. Anyone want one? Come on, take them please!

Carve your heart out yourself.
Hopelessness is your cell.
Since you've drawn out these lines,
are you protected from trying times?

Man it takes a silly girl
to lie about the dreams she has.
But Lord it takes a lonely one to wish
that she had never dreamt at all.

Oh look now, there you go with hope again.
Oh you're so sure
that I'll be leaving in the end.

Dig your ditch deep enough,
to keep you clear of the sun.
You've been burned more than once.
You don't think much of trust.

Man it takes a silly girl
to lie about the dreams she has.
But Lord it takes a lonely one to wish
that she had never dreamt at all.

Oh look now, there you go with hope again.
But I'll be sure your secret's safe with me.
Oh you're so sure
that I'll be leaving in the end,
you're treating me like I'm already gone.

But I'm not