day of weird
this morning i was woken up by a man calling from the nhs who was carrying out a survey about people's sexual habits. luckily for him, i have no problems with talking about my sex life with strangers, however, in my half awake state, i was simply not prepared for some of the topics covered:
when you perform oral sex do you do standard or deep throat?
are you loud or quiet when having sex and what kind of things do you say during sex (he actually used the example "fuck me harder")?
what are your favourite positions?
have you tried anal - did you enjoy it?
and my personal favourite:
"most women your age report a preference for the man to ejaculate inside them...is this true for you or do you prefer it elsewhere" and then after my reply; "at what age did you first get it in the face?"
this was the last question - and i cried with laughter when i put the phone down.
about two hours after this call, i got a call from a chap who wanted to offer me work as what i can only describe as a 'decoy'. aparently he was a professional poker player and found that if he had a pretty lady sat next to him making conversation with people then less attention would be paid to him. he said he would require me to travel around with him for 3-4 weeks at a time all over the world. it sounded fantastic, as well as phenomenally dodgy. obviously i couldn't take him up on it.
when you perform oral sex do you do standard or deep throat?
are you loud or quiet when having sex and what kind of things do you say during sex (he actually used the example "fuck me harder")?
what are your favourite positions?
have you tried anal - did you enjoy it?
and my personal favourite:
"most women your age report a preference for the man to ejaculate inside them...is this true for you or do you prefer it elsewhere" and then after my reply; "at what age did you first get it in the face?"
this was the last question - and i cried with laughter when i put the phone down.
about two hours after this call, i got a call from a chap who wanted to offer me work as what i can only describe as a 'decoy'. aparently he was a professional poker player and found that if he had a pretty lady sat next to him making conversation with people then less attention would be paid to him. he said he would require me to travel around with him for 3-4 weeks at a time all over the world. it sounded fantastic, as well as phenomenally dodgy. obviously i couldn't take him up on it.
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discombobulated
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brown trousers time
bored
excited
pissed urf