RocK tHe beLLs**

aww merry christmas eve everybody!!!. linsey was telling me today about how her and jcakie always go sledding at the jumps on vacation. and how she wantes me to come too this yea because its fun!! :). that makes me HAPPY. umm and im going to elma tonight**
to my aunts. jam packed with people. yes yesss. okay well im gunna go. MeRRy CHRiSTMaS**<3

These are your good years
Don't take my advice
You never wanted the nice boys anyway
And I'm of good cheer
Because I've been checking my list
The gifts you're receiving from me
Will be
One akward silence
And two hopes you cry yourself to sleep
Staying up, waiting by the phone
And all I want this year
Is for you to dedicate
Your last breath to me
Before you bury yourself alive
Don't come home for Christmas
You're the last thing I wanna see
Underneath the tree
Merry Christmas, I could care less
Happy New Years baby
You owe me the best gift I could ever ask for
Don't call me up
When the snow comes down
It's the only thing I want this year
One akward silence
And two hopes you cry yourself to sleep
Staying up, waiting by the phone
And all I want this year
Is for you to dedicate
Your last breath to me
Don't come home for Christmas
You're the last thing I wanna see
Underneath the tree
Merry Christmas, I could care less
BEST CHRISTMAS SONG EVER CREATED.
I LOVE FALL OUT BOY.

hmm weird day. im seriously so sad..about freaking them. and its so weird..i see THEm in the halls together..way more often that usual and i hateee myself. jesus. catherine bought me a really pretty green shirt. :) THANKS CATHERINE. and AMBER bought me some amazing..rainbowish..star earrings that im wearing right nowwwww. and marion bought me a hugemoungous bag of snickers..to get me fatter. YES. and music theory was fun..we got PIZZA. and went caroling..it was nicce. i kinda like someone in that class..but..yeah. umm well. okay I am going to leave. Merry almost Christmas cuties<3

THIS. LIFE. SUCKS. ahh. everything gets ruined. ruined. ruined. and yes. i DO want to die..right now..and i dont care if anyone says im pretty or non-fat. because im not pretty. and i am fat. and i hope i get ran over by a BUS. :(

somehow when the track of my life starts to speed up..some huge boulder stops it. every good friend i get..seems to slip from my grasp. and i feel like were falling apart..just like every other friendship ive had**
someone. just kill me. because anywhere out of this life of mine is where i belong**
i sware i dont fit in..

hmm my weekend. friday i was supposed to go to the SHOW. but i guess not :{. so i went to the mall with my mom and sister. uhh saturday. i went to see CHRISTMAS WITH THE KRANKS. and it was good. but not as good as it was cut out to be. and then we went to dinner at FRIDAYS. yess yumm. uhh sunday. i spent a ot of time wrapping presents and doing other SECRET christmas STUFF. yayy mm yeah. and today uhh i was in okay mood. not GREAT. but not terrible and katie is talking to a cool. special someone today. because SHE=AMAZING. lmao. uhh yeah and thats it!

still feel like total crap..i hate this and nothing will ever pick itself up..it just lays on the ground..motionless..expecting me to understand. so heres some boring stuff. watch nobody do it..

[1] Who are you?
[2] Are we friends?
[3] When and how did we meet?
[4] How have I affected you?
[5] What do you think of me?
[6] What's the fondest memory you have of me?
[7] How long do you think we'll remain friends or enemies?
[8] Do you love me?
[9] Have I ever hurt you?
[10] Would you hug me?
[11] Would you kiss me?
[12] Would you want to be close friends with me?
[13] Are we close?
[14] Emotionally, what stands out?
[15] Do you wish I was cooler?
[16] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
[17] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
[18] Am I loveable?
[19] How long have you known me?
[20] Describe me in one word.
[21] What was your first impression?
[22] Do you still think that way about me now?
[23] What do you think my weakness is?
[24] Do you think I'll get married?
[25] What about me makes you happy?
[26] What about me makes you sad?
[27] What reminds you of me?
[28] What's something you would change about me?
[29] How well do you know me?
[30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
[31] Do you think I would kill someone?
[32] Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?    

 

   ( some stuff..*Collapse )

 

yeah. im only updating this cuz its morning. nobodys on. and im bored. funny thing is..i have nothing to say! nothing new there..i was supposed to go to the show last night..but my mom had to be gay..oh well..i most likely wouldve felt left out..like usual when i go places. im just gunna stay home from now on. i made the mistake of going to the mall with my mom and sister..and was completely bored. we were walking to the upstairs of the galleria mall..i fell up the stairs..my mom started laughing..so i went for a little walk by myself around the mall crying my eyes out for a half hour. and i dont think it was my mom..it was everything and she just happened to be the icing on my cake. my poisened cake. oh well..i made a nice cd and im listening to it now..music makes me feel a little better sometimes..life kinda sucks lately..and idk if its ever gunna pick itself up..people keep saying stuff like it will but they just want me to feel better and what they say wont change the way i feel inside..even if i do sit there..smiling and laughing. im not having fun. ive become a completely boring person.who doesnt wanna be around people or do anything..i used to be happy. not sure what happened..okay well im gunna go now. because theres no point in writing crap that people dont care about reading**
later kids..
( Twas The Night Before a Ghetto ChristmasCollapse )

Dear Mr. Jesus, I just had to write to you
Something really scared me, when I saw it on the news
A story 'bout a little girl beaten black and blue
Jesus, thought I'd take this right to you

Dear Mr. Jesus, I don't understand
Why they took her mom and dad away
I know that they don't mean to hit with wild and angry hands
Tell them just how big they are I pray

Please don't let them hurt your children
We need love and shelter from the storm
Please don't let them hurt your children
Won't you keep us safe and warm

Dear Mr. Jesus, they say that she may die
Oh I hope the doctors stop the pain
I know that you could save her and take her up to the sky
So she would never have to hurt again

Please don't let them hurt your children..

Dear Mr. Jesus, please tell me what to do
And please don't tell my daddy
But my mommy hits me, too.

Please don't let them hurt your children...

sad. song. makes me cry.

YAY. i put my journal back in christmas mode. to get in the spiritt WOO HOO. you better get in it too. okay soo hmm. the past two days have been like usual. theyre all the same. thursday catherine might be coming over..and then were gunna go to vinnys. and zachs gunna be there! i miss him so much and its only been two days of school. i have to lat a whole year!! if vinny has the nightmare before christmas. were gunna watch it. because i NEVER sawww it. yay lmao. im excited. and then friday im probably going to the SHOW. be there. and saturday im going to the movies and dinner and mall with my family. we do it every year at christmas. YAY.
later kids.

fuck you. im going to frigging like. shoot myself someday. ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY. i hate everyone. everyone just has to lie in this world and be mean..
bye.