unrequited love

"LOVE IS IN THE AIR... TRY NOT TO BREATHE."

The man I love is getting married in a few hours, to my friend.  Time and space is what I thought I needed. 

Time and space my ass.  After three years and hundreds of miles it still fucking hurts I wanna run to my car and travel those five hours to that little town, run down the aisle and tell him that he needs to know I love him before he marries. 

I won’t, I can’t because she’s my friend and I love her, that and I have always hated seeing her cry. 

I won’t because I know that he loves her, she’s his soulmate, his one and only, the reason he can smile every morning.  But God, he’s the reason that I cry almost every night, the reason that I came back home, the pair of lips I would give everything to taste, to feel, to worship. 

Come morning maybe at around nine I will dial her number, I will hold back my tears as I wish her a great life, I will tell her congratulations and hope that my voice doesn’t crack.  Tell her that she and he are perfect for each other; that they are the lucky ones, the fucking lucky ones who found true love and all that pink and red bullshit that human being spend their entire life searching for. 

God, fucking shit.  Mother fucking ass shit.  Damn shit fucking hell.  I fucking love him and tears me up a fucking million different ways.  I hate him. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM.  But I would give everything for him to love me. 

Maybe I should have said something.  Maybe I still should, but I like being able to hear his voice not filled with pity.  I could never darken his big day.  God I want so much to really hate him. FUCK.

I'm still in love but I'm realising that the guy I'm in love with, instead of growing up, has become insecure, arrogant, fake, etc. I fell in love with him when he was real, and not the way he is now. Did I waste all this time hoping he would change? He doesn't even like me now, I'm just another girl to him. I think he divides girls into two groups: Girls he wants to attract and girls he doesn't. He wants me to find him attractive, but not because I'm me, but because I'm attractive and he needs to feel that he can attract girls. I do feel like I became more patient and understanding, not just with him, but with others. Maybe it wasn't a TOTAL waste, but right now I just feel so pathetic. :(

I have a question: In your opinion can one be in love with someone who is not in love with them? I ask because of my situation. For the last five years I've been in love with a man who I've known for ten years. Before that it was just a crush. He LIKE likes me, when I'm around, but I'm pretty sure he's not in love with me. My mum thinks you can only be in love with someone if you're in an official "relationship" and I don't agree. I DO love him. I want him to fall in love with the perfect woman, even if she isn't me. I like spending time with him and everything; however, I know I'm in love. This isn't just a crush. Please tell me I'm not the only one who believes you can be IN LOVE with someone who doesn't love you back.

13 years ago I started working with this guy (X) and he and I hated eachother.  We could not get along for a few minutes together.  As time went on we became friends and he had a crush on me.  I was not into X though so it never went any farther.  He eventually moved away and he and I talked every so often.  Life took us in different paths and a few years passed with us only talking once or twice a year. 

In early 2005 I divorced and called X up (who lived about 1000 miles from me now).  We talked for a few months and I realized what a great guy I had passed over years before.  He came up to visit me and things got heavy.  We went on like this until late into 2006.  This guy had introduced me to the guy who would eventually become my husband and when my husband and I got serious I stopped "seeing" X.  He and I and my husband have all remained friends and I talk to X at least twice a month.  Sometimes that talk gets erotic.  My husband and I have role played X into our intimacy in the past and have discussed a 3some with him which X is totally for.

This is where it could go downhill...X and my relationship was always open.  We were never monogomous because of the distance and also because of neither of us wanting a regular relationship.  However, even though we always dated other people, I fell so in love with him, which I still am I think.  Dont get me wrong...I love my husband too...I really do, but I always have this one place for X.

Would it be a bad idea to go forward with our 3some?  I am thinking it'd be ok because I know the boundries and always have.

( I am an unrequited love heroCollapse )

Well I met this guy 'round third grade. He's just like another (popular) guy in school. Many of my classmates fell for him. But whenever I look at him I didn't see any spark of interest. And because of that I keep on teasing my friends for having crush on him. It's friendly teasing little did I know it will back fire.

As I have more time to analyze him, I little by little  I became interested in him. I hid my attraction to him. I went along with my friends who keep following him. Secretly I enjoyed it but I manage to pretend I'm bored. I had handful of 'small talk' with him because of school stuff. I was so naive by then.

Then my friends discovered my little secret and they told it to the whole class. I'm so embarrass that I denied it and stay away from him. It was the biggest mistake I've done in my whole life. Because at that point our friendship had broke apart.

After some years, may girls got involved with him. I'm so pathetically jealous but chose to keep my cool. I'm raging with my feeling. I'm envy with all of the people whom he talk to.

And what made me really cry is to know that he cried over a girl who don't even give a damn about him. He's so in to them. I cried every night whenever I see him try to win over the girl. How I wish I was in her place. How I wish I'm the one who he devote his life but I'm not.

I pretend I don't care even if it shows. I know my friends always see the flash of pain in my eyes behind my smile. I try to say it's okaybut it's not. The pain is to unbearable.

Up to know he still haunts my thoughts. Though we're not studying in the same school, I still hear news about him every now and then. I am still updated about every girl he taken his likings. And I still know he still like the girl back then. But now i learn to control my feelings. I learn to take the fact that it's our fate not to have a chance to be even just friends. I may regret the day I try to get away from him but now I know more. I learn to accept the reality of life.

 My 'love' story is one of the pathetic ones; where girl-likes-guy-but-guy-doesn't-like-girl... and yet girl-still-feels-for-guy. 

Okay, so... Two years ago I met this guy. Yeah. And... he was just... he was one of the few guys I could honestly see myself with. The problem is, he didn't feel the same; and after he found out from another friend, things were a bit awkward but we continued to be friends. Now, two years later, we're close friends; but I still have feelings for him. I hate the fact that I haven't gotten over him, but I guess we can't help our feelings.

The major problem is another girl; named "Ellie." She and the boy are best friends, closer than he and I. They hang out all the time, talk on the phone, and flirt outrageously. He says he doesn't feel that way about her, but I know she likes him. I can't help but feel wildly jealous and heartbroken every time I see them together. I've never hung out with him. Ever. I've tried, but he always wants to hang out in a group, and things just don't work out. Oh, but he hangs out with her alone all the time.

I'm absurdly selfish, and can't stop wondering what she has that I don't. I've spent countless Saturday nights on MSN, listening (in a sense) as he poured out everything that was going on in his life. Every problem he had, everything that bothered him, was dumped on me, and I offered the best advice I could. I'm always there for him, no matter what, yet this relationship seems to be one-way. I feel like he means more to me than I mean to him, and I hate it. I wish he felt the same way about me like I do about him, but there's nothing I can do. These feelings won't go away, and I'm eaten alive by jealousy every day. I can't stand it.

I keep my feelings hidden. I pretend we're just friends. Yet nothing changes.

I'm J.  

About 4 years ago (wow, didn't realize it had been that long until now) I met this very sweet guy (online) and would talk about art stuff for hours (he's a writer, I'm an artist).  As things tend to happen, we began to grow quite fond of one another, but neither one of us knew the other felt the same... you get the idea.  (Incidentally, I knew I felt that way when we were saying goodnight one night and I realized that I was about to say 'I love you' and had to stop myself.)

Whatever, the point is, we fessed up to each other and things were good.  I came home from college for the summer just days after this happened, and it carried on all summer.  Letters, phone calls, you know the drill.  He wrote me poetry about how I had changed his life and made it better.  We talked about getting engaged in the future and maybe moving in together for a while as a trial sort of thing.

So, college resumes, and I, feeling something lacking but unsure of how to express myself and not wanting to hurt him, stupidly decided to find comfort in someone else.  Of course, loving A as much as I did (do?), I couldn't lie to him so I told him in what was a pretty shitty way (suddenly and with no warning).  We decided to break up, and I got more involved with the idiot I cheated on him with.  Suffice it to say, after about a month the idiot and I were fighting constantly, and I knew then that the problems that A and I were having were nothing as serious as this, and I should have just talked to him about them.  So, I told A how I felt and he said that he could forgive me and we got back together.  Not wanting to hurt him further, I completely avoided mentioning what I did.  And not talking through it made things worse.  He was jealous of what I did with friends, I was angry that he didn't seem to care what was going on, and he was still dealing with trust issues and I think some residual anger.
After about a month of this, he told me that he was not over what had happened, and even though he tried to pretend it could be okay again, he just couldn't feel the same way, and we broke up.
Even though I could sense this coming, and the way we were going wasn't healthy at all, it still hurt.

And now, 4+ years later, it hurts worse.  A few months ago, I found (by accident) an lj he created after our 2nd breakup that talks about his pain, and how he still thinks of me, but I wouldn't want to know what he thinks (ouch).
He has a myspace...  I still see him around occasionally.
And over the past 6 months or so, I've been dreaming about him.  Always good dreams.  I think I really miss him.  Or at least want to tell him how sorry I am, and how 4 years has given me plenty of time to mature and see what an awful girlfriend I was.  And how much I cried because I loved him so deeply.

I'm just afraid to contact him.  Afraid that he'll reject me.  Afraid he'll tell me he's got a great new g/f and he never thinks of me.
I'm also afraid to open old wounds.  He doesn't deserve to be hurt by me ever again.
But still...


Would it be wrong to send him a letter?