Annette

Today I have had a strong urge to BLOG. I want to get a new blog. Or do I? I want to blog about something interesting...crafts? pictures? cats? depression? Something work reading.

maybe i should have just moved back in with my parents after graduation instead of signing a year lease in an apartment with 7 other people. too late.

i hate my life

i am graduating, finally. i am scared shitless.

i want to die i want to die i want to die die die

I'm not sure why it always flows downhill
Why broken cisterns never could stay filled
I've spent ten years singing gravity away
But the water keeps on falling from the sky

Here tonight while the stars are blacking out
With every hope and dream I've ever had in doubt
I've spent ten years trying to sing these doubts away
But the water keeps on falling from my eyes

and heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my Lord! to suffer like you do
It would be a lie to run away

So blood is fire pulsing through our veins
We're either writers or fools behind the reigns
I've spent ten years trying to sing it all way
But the water keeps on falling from my tries

and heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my Lord! to suffer like you do
It would be a lie to run away
A lie to run
It would be a lie
It would be a lie to run away

It keeps on falling
Water keeps on falling from my eyes

and heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my Lord! to suffer like you do
It would be a lie to run away

oh lord,
please please either
1. make it better
2. let me go
i am hurting

i hate being alive. i have wanted to die for so long, how am i still here?

I want to learn how to dance, I think. I don't want to learn how to dirty dance, balet, jazz, or modern, yuck. I want to swing and jive.

I always wished I was alive in the 50's/60's because of the music, but watching the movies, I want to move like them, too. Like Ann-Margaret in Viva Las Vegas and Annette Funichello in the Bikini movies... I don't know how to. When I try, I look nothing like them.

I've also always enjoyed square dancing. I want to do that, too. And I want to learn how to jitterbug, jive, and even the hustle, too. Where can I learn to do this? There are probably dance classes in Chicago...

For now I will watch youtube clips...

I just realized that there is nothing anyone or myself can do or say that makes life worth living. Why do I keep on keeping on?

"The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling." - David Foster Wallace

Board Game Wish List:

* Sorry Sliders
* Ticket to Ride
* Ticket to Ride: Chicago Edition
* Livingstone
* Wasabi
* Sheer Panic
* Carcassone Expansion Pack: Inns & Cathedrals

Other Wish List:

* Big-ass bookcase to put board games
* Fancy, good quality foundation
* Extremely friendly cat
* Free haircut
* Free massage
* Go to Disneyworld and/or Disneyland (with Radio Disney discount)
* Upright Piano
* Financial stability for self, mom, dad

Favorite Foods: Cereals

* Lucky Charms
* Cocoa Puffs
* Frosted Alpha-bits
* Cinnamon Crunch
* Kix
* Life

Favorite Foods: Chocolate

* Nutella
* Lindt chocolate
* Kindereggs
* Cadburry eggs
* Dove
* Pumpkin Hershey Kisses
* Mint-chocolate brownies (step-mom recipe)
* Chocolate fudge frosting (mom-recipe)

Bad Things That Happened to Me This Month:

* Mom filing bankruptcy
* Childhood home getting repossessed
* Mom in denile about losing everything
* Having to sift through life’s accumulation of posessions, determining what little I can take with me
* Mom’s car getting towed on Loyola campus because of lack of handicapped parking for her
* Me paying for my mom’s car getting towed
* Loyola not listening to me when I complain about lack of handicapped parking
* Not getting dream job that I was told I was a shoe-in for
* The intern that I trained getting my dream job that I was told I was a shoe-in for
* Getting written up for having a turtle in my apartment
* Having to get rid of my turtle who is my best friend
* Getting attacked by favorite kitten at Cat Shelter
* Getting mauled by Presley, the normally docile cat, at the Cat Shelter
* Bite marks from Presley getting infected, having to bandage hand
* Not receiving A’s on any of my assignments thus far this semester
* Receiving my first C on a paper in my college career
* Losing my WLS ID for two weeks
* Biting into a rotten, black nectarine filled with fruit-fly larvae
* Getting apartment infested with fruit-flies
* Banged my head on kitchen cabinet creating terrible crater left of my eyebrow
* Ordered wrong text-book on Amazon.com and had to pay extra shipping charges both ways, then full price at the bookstore anyway
* Beloved cousin announces divorce
* Aunt not understanding how facebook works and blurbs personal stuff on my wall allowing for teasing from close friends
* Spider-web grows from outside my window into my apartment, misquotes nesting in my desk
* New lamp-posts installed outside my apartment windows making it impossible to have a dark room at night
* Thinking that my life sucks even though it could be A LOT worse

Radio Stations I Currently Work For:

* Radio Disney AM 1300
* 94.7 WLS-FM
* WLUW 88.7-FM
* WLS 890 AM

Reasons for Making this Blog Post:

* Procrastination from actual homework
* I felt I had a lot on my mind
* I like making itemized lists
* Writing things out sometimes helps with the sadness