The Turing Test

Stephen is classical trained on the violin and the piano and could be playing for the Philharmonic right now, but he met Jon in college and Jon played the guitar and wrote these amazing songs and Stephen fell in love.

Jon taught himself to play the guitar. He's pretty good, if he says so himself, and even better with the lyrics. Except Disney hates the stuff he writes because it's too political, too personal, too adult.

Anderson does the singing. Jon and Stephen actually met him at Karaoke night at this bar they like and convinced him to join up. He'd been planning on running off to some third world country, but joining a rock band is about the same on the level of rebellion, so that worked out pretty well for him.

Rachel is Anderson's friend, and she plays the drums better than anyone else in this hemisphere. She's terminally short on cash, because she won't just drink Bud, she's got to be mixing something all the time. She brings in Keith.

Keith plays the bass, and eggs Jon on when it comes to political lyrics. He's actually got a lot of musical theory under his belt and the only one of them that actually managed to finish college so far.

They get recruited by Disney, and they're only nineteen, and they sign this contract, because at nineteen, it seemed like the best deal ever. Except, they can only play stuff Disney approve and Disney pretty much hates all their songs, except the one that got them the gig. Teen Pop Power Ballad which Jon wrote as a joke when he and Stephen were really wasted one night.

So now they wear the clothes Disney picks out, sing the songs Disney likes, and every teenage girl in America knows their names. Which means, Jon ends up sneaking out to indie bars with his hat pulled down low and his other guitar (the one he truly loves), to sing. his voice isn't as good as Anderson's, but it's good enough and he has a small following of people who think his name is Yanaton Liebowitz.

Rachel drive corporate crazy, first with rumors she's dating the drummer from Sleater-Kinney and then Lindsay Lohan, and then Ana Marie Cox (the latest Disney teen idol). When she and Ana come out, it's all the teen blogs and the celebrity gossip rags talk about for at least a week.

Keith is almost as bad. He's trying to convince Disney to go green and pro-labor, and a lot of suits have laughed in his face. Plus, he has a tendency to get into screaming arguments with bouncers and fan's Christian mothers.

Stephen gets in trouble too, but more because he steals some famous skateboarder's deck and tries to grind down some railing. And fails, and falls, and breaks his wrist. Which he sort of needs to be the keyboardist.

Anderson gets most of the attention. He's the singer and the pretty one and the one that everyone says is intensely private and mysterious. Which means the paparazzi pry even more. So one day, the band and Ana are out for ice cream, and there are cameras there and Anderson gives Rachel a look that says, you game? and she nods, and they kiss right there. And when that breaks off, Rachel turns to Keith and kisses him, while Anderson kisses Ana, and thus around the circle.

Disney almost does fire them after that stunt, but they are the biggest grossing musical number that year and the year before, and probably the next, so they don't.


For about two weeks in the spring pilot ramp up, it looked like Disney was going to have them do a tv show where they all had the power to turn into dogs. And then would save people with their doggie powers.

Sometimes on the tour bus, they still argue about what type of dog their inner dog is. (Anderson is a husky, and Stephen is a black lab. Keith is campaigning to be an elkhound, but Rachel thinks he's a Newfie. Jon wonders if he's just a cat by nature.)


Jon and Stephen out themselves pretty much on accident, because, as you say, they really sort of thought everyone already knew. And in the most public way possible.

On inauguration night, they play at the White House for the President's kids. And it's awesome. They get too tour places regular people never get to see, and Jon gets to shake Jon Favreau's hand and say, "Nice words," and Favs says it back.

So after, they are riding high, and they leave the White House and just outside the gates, Jon kisses Stephen, fully and passionately and at least three photographers get the shot.



Anderson LOVES the tour bus. Like, after a while most musicians never want to see another bus in their life, but for Anderson it's a dream come true. He gets to wander around the country, and other countries too (they're really hot down under right now).

Plus, he gets to stop pretty much anywhere he wants. So, with Stephen firmly on his side, they stop at every weird road side attraction, and all those hole in the wall two table restaurants that get worshiped on the internet. It's the best job ever.


Yanaton Liebowitz is one of the hottest traded bootlegs on the low-fi indie scene. He can't cut a record, that'd break the contract with Disney, but the bootleg that gets out is of him at a friend's studio, so it's much better quality than most.

i changed my name,
then i changed it back.
somethings you keep
somethings are past.

part of the crowd,
i feel alive.

i know this guy,
ridden by Coyote

and in his hands
that's what I choose to keep.


Rachel feels that awesome grrl-drummers have to stick together. She never actually dated Janet, but they still hang out and drum together or get drunk or just talk sometimes. When she gets sick off touring with four guys, it's Janet that she calls.

Janet thinks she should drop the guys and find a new band. Something queer and a little bit old school punk and a lot heavy on the drums. Rachel never does, even when Disney tries to talk her into dating a Jonas brother.


Keith hates doing Disney specials. It's like the worst part of the whole damn contract. They always make him look big and dumb, and he hates it. He's the one who reads Herodotus and Plato on the bus, and he's the one taking online classes, just because he can. They should stop trying to make him dress up in a bear costume and trip over shit (plus, the bear thing really does freak Stephen out, even if it's only a costume.)

Stephen's the only band member who likes doing the Disney specials, which is probably because he gets to do all the stunts. he runs around, jumps over stuff, and makes wacky faces. It's really some of the best fun he's ever had.

He does his wonky-ear trick for the director of the first special, and after that it managed to get worked into the shows as sort of his personal trade mark.


After Keith and Rachel get arrested at a gay marriage protest, the Disney execs sort of lose their collective heads.

"If you weren't the love children of Hannah Montana and Pete Wentz, you would be out on your asses right now! You realize you have MORALS clauses?" the exec screams.

"What's not moral about exercising your rights as an American?" Keith says, while Rachel chimes in with, "There's nothing immoral about same sex marriage and if you think there is, well, you need to be educated!"


The PRT gets cartoonized by both South Park and by the Simpsons, though only the Simpsons are authorized. They get to go on and record voices and it's actually really, really fun.

Keith even gets a voice actor part in the newest Pixar out of it.


His fans call him Lieb, because he won't let them call him Yani. They buy him drinks and set them on the edge of the stage, reverently, so unlike the PRT's fans.

The PRT always whips up this almost Bacchanal-esque energy. When it's just him, it's quieter, but some how more intense. He has fans who come to every show, no matter how far off it is. He has fans who know every single lyrics to every single song he's ever sung. He has fans that set up a website and tweet about him. It's all sort of crazy.


Ana Marie Cox has her own Disney show, about a girl who skateboards and writes for the school newspaper and is also secretly the child of an alien mother.

She's actually the one who teaches Stephen to ollie, and is really good with her board. She even does most of the stunts herself.


iPod Shuffle fic

Dance of Death - Andrew Bird

Jon kisses him in a way that is all too choreographed as the world ends.


Dance Music - The Mountain Goats

They sit on the sidewalk, hands cuffed behind their backs, police cars swarming all around. Music is still blaring from the sidewalk speakers. Something Jon doesn't recognize, but makes Stephen bop his head to the beat. Jon smiles to himself. Stephen has no shame.

Stephen. God. Well, Jon just doesn't know. Can't follow the crazy turns and twists of that brilliant mind. But he'll follow him wherever this crazy train is going to take them. That much he can promise.


All the Lilacs in Ohio - John Hiatt

Keith sits in the bar, head down over his glass, and pretends there is no world but the alcohol in front of him. It's his fifth, or sixth maybe, he's not counting. The bartender has already taken his keys and called him a cab.

He doesn't want to leave. Not really. Not even when the bartender makes him a sidecar and does it all wrong. Rachel would've done it better. Rachel always does it better. God, he wishes Rachel was here right now, but she's not and he's all alone.