The Turing Test

Fandom: Fake News/Real News RPF
Title: The 28th Amendment VII: The Sea Can Only Move Forward
Rating: R
Characters: Anderson Cooper, Keith Olbermann, Jon Stewart, Rachel Maddow
Summary: Desperation is almost as dangerous as planning.
Warning: semi-graphic violence, major/minor character death.
Note: Thanks to sarken and enamourednhmrd for most excellent betas.
Disclaimer: Any similarity between the fictional version of the person portrayed here and the actual persons is purely coincidental. This is a work of fiction. This is not an attempt to defame the character of said person on the basis of libel, as the work is FICTIONAL (and NOT an intently false statement created with the express purpose of misleading others about the actual character of said person).

Any mention of 'The Daily Show', 'The Colbert Report', 'Viacom', 'Anderson 360', 'Countdown' any associated entities, or any copyrighted material pertaining therein is reasonably protected by the Fair Use Rule of the United States Copyright Act of 1976 and is not intended to infringe upon any copyrighted material.

Original Posting Date: 29 September 2008



Three more states ratified the 29th Amendment today: New Hampshire, Oregon and Washington. The 29th Amendment simply repeals the 28th Amendment.

Several other states are currently deliberating about the matter and Wisconsin is likely to vote to ratify tomorrow. As more and more states turn against the 28th Amendment and the new laws passed under its provision, the Huckabee Administration looks to be on shaky ground. -Bill O’Reilly, Fox News, 14 November 2014

New evidence was brought to light today in the Josiah Abbot case. Security footage proving Abbot was not in the state of Louisiana at the time of the Port of New Orleans bombing was released today. Abbot was in California at a charity run at the time of the New Orleans bombing. -Brit Hume, Fox News, 19 April 2015

President Huckabee is polling at all time lows. Fourteen percent of the American population believes that the President is doing a good job. -Bill O’Reilly, Fox News, 21 June, 2015

Canada is considering sanctions against the United States after several attempts to stop American retrieval squads have failed. These squads ignore national sovereignty and cross the border into Canada to retrieve former American citizens for illegal extradition and trial in the United States. -Peter Mansbridge, The National CBC, 7 October 2015.

***

“We interrupt this program to bring you the live confession of terrorist and enemy of the State, Anderson Cooper.”

The television switched to Anderson and for a moment he was so still Jon thought it was a picture. The right side of his face was bruised and swollen and his lip had been split at some point and had only recently started to heal. He looked exhausted, on the verge of sobbing or screaming, Jon didn't know.

His voice, however, was remarkably calm, steady even. Keith leaned in closer, grazed his fingers across the screen.

“My name is Anderson Cooper.” Keith flinched back when the words hit him.

“I plead guilty to treason, blasphemy, corrupting American morals, homosexual conduct and terrorism. I worked with the underground to subvert Americans as well as help criminals flee prosecution. I supplied the Catholic-Latter Day Saints Youth Resistance with explosive material, financed the printing of anti-American broadsides for the Cedar Army and engaged in sodomy.” It was clear to Jon that he was reading from a teleprompter.

Anderson's eyes flicked to the left and his entire expression changed. It was as if he knew Keith was watching, as if he could lock eyes across the television one last time. “I regret nothing,” he said and then the television cut back to a Fox anchor.

Jon noticed the crawl: “Federal Agent Cody Greer dies in conflict with domestic terrorists.”

***


An hour later, Anderson was dead. Fox was reporting he’d asked for a firing squad, but the federal government had vetoed the idea and lethal injection it was. Keith watched the entire broadcast of the execution, leaked on YouTube thirty minutes after Anderson’s last breath. Jon stopped him midway through the third go around and awkwardly patted his back as Keith stared mutely at the frozen screen.

***

The news of Anderson Cooper’s execution was all anyone could cover and half of Canada wanted Rachel to come on their television show and talk about it. With more and more states voting to ratify the 29th Amendment, it looked like the basis of the Huckabee Regime would fall. The Regime's last desperate attempt at offering up a scapegoat to the American public hadn't worked, and the fact that they had circumvented the justice system in the process had only increased their unpopularity.

Rachel didn’t care. Anderson was dead. Jeff was dead. Keith was missing. She’d watched the shaky footage over and over again, each time hoping for a different ending. Nothing ever changed. She’d gotten word out to everyone she could think of that she wanted any and all information pertaining to Keith, but not much was forthcoming. No one seemed to know where he’d disappeared to or even if he was still alive.

She’d sent Steve and Dan to be their representatives at Anderson’s funeral. His body had been released to his mother who was burying him in France and vowing her own war on the men who had killed her son. Rachel had wanted to go too. She’d considered leaving Steve in charge and going herself to pay respect to a man she would have never expected to become so dear to her heart.

But with Anderson’s capture and execution, Rachel had moved on to the FBI’s Most Wanted list though Keith was first. And even though Rachel wouldn’t have had to fly through American airspace, Steve and Dan were worried about her safety. With the more and more radical and unpredictable stunts the American government was implicated in, she’d agreed with them.

Dan and Steve returned from France the day after the funeral looking weary. The Farm was quiet and the first snowfall made the atmosphere even more contemplative. They sat on either side of her at dinner that night and she sat quietly in their combined warmth.

***

"He's coming," Dan said, barging into Rachel’s office.

"What?" Rachel looked up from her computer.

"We just got word. Keith crossed the border with someone about two hours ago. Gerard is with them, he’s bringing them here," said Dan.

It was as if the world paused and then jerked back into play. "He's here?"

"In maybe twenty minutes."

“Go tell Steve and see if we can get some guest rooms ready,” she said and then headed off to spread the news and to make sure medical supplies were handy if needed.

Once everything was taken care of, Rachel waited on the front porch. She paced in front of the dormant flower beds, leaving a swath of trampled grass in her path.

It seemed like forever, but Gerard finally pulled up in front of Rachel’s house. She let Gerard put the car in park and didn’t move until the car was empty. Keith looked old; his hair had gone completely silver and his once imposing frame was now thin and worn. It took her a moment to realize the man next to him was Jon Stewart. Jon Stewart, who was dead, but apparently wasn’t.

Rachel shook herself and rushed to embrace Keith, holding him tightly to her as if to keep him from disappearing again. “Oh, Keith,” she said softly, her voice cracking mid word. She finally let him go and offered Jon a more tentative hug.

“You’re a sight for sore eyes,” he murmured into her shoulder, hoping that she was the sign their nightmare was over.

"We thought you were dead, we heard…" Rachel trailed off.

“Highly exaggerated,” said Jon and then he fell quiet.

***

Keith had been on the Farm for two weeks and it still hurt Rachel to look at him. He was so skinny, so much less solid than the man she remembered. In the old days, the force of his personality could fill a room. These days, she sometimes overlooked him. His quietness was almost haunting.

Jon was less skittish, but still broken. He slowly told Rachel the story of the past few years in chunks. Some days he came and lay on her couch, talking as she pretended to work. When he had a funny or happy story to relate, he would wait until dinner and tell everyone.

He told her how Stephen died, one evening before dinner when she was working at the table and Steve was cooking. She never did get around to eating that night. Instead her heart was broken over and over and they sat and cried.

Keith didn’t tell stories at all. Four years in solitary confinement was bad for anyone, but for a man who lived by words, the silence had been traumatic. Even the crowds of the Farm, which never numbered over fifty people, were too much for Keith. They put Jon on edge too, but too many people caused Keith to hyperventilate these days. Open sky did the same thing, and the Farm was almost all brilliant blue sky and empty, sullen fields.

Maybe things would have gotten better, but Anderson’s death had been a hard blow to bear for Keith. He flinched away from everyone but Jon. This left Rachel to imagine worse and worse scenarios.

“He just needs time,” Jon said, laying a hand on Rachel’s shoulder. “He’s getting better. It’s just slow.”

Rachel nodded. “I know.”

Jon waited almost a week before he asked about his family, wondering why no one had volunteered the information.

“Jon,” said Rachel quietly after she took him aside, “Tracey remarried about a year ago.”

He nodded solemnly; after all he basically had as well.

“She’s happy?”

“Yes, I think so,” Rachel replied.

***

"We need to move you," Rachel whispered. The guest room wasn’t quiet dark. Dan had installed a nightlight after Keith refused to sleep with the lights off in the beginning, so Jon could see Rachel’s concerned face in the shadows.

"What, why?" asked Jon.

"American retrieval squad. Gerard thinks they're coming for Keith."

“Really?” Jon squeaked. “Fuck.”

“Exactly,” Rachel replied. “Gerard has a team. They’re going to take both of you up north where no one will think to look for you.”

Rachel woke Keith as Jon shoved their things into the two small duffle bags they’d carried over the border. He was hit with déjà vu. It was so like packing in Chicago, before everything had gone wrong.

Keith snapped awake. He went from sprawled across the bed to up and sitting as far away from Rachel as he could in less than ten seconds. Jon wondered where he’d gotten those reflexes, but now wasn’t the time to ask.

Rachel accompanied them to the front door where Gerard was waiting with a car.

Keith surprised them all, when he pulled Rachel into a hug and said, “It will get better. We will come back.”

Rachel stood in the early dawn light and watched until she couldn’t see the car anymore.

***

Rachel’s Underground helpers brought Jon and Keith to a cabin in the middle of Snowy-Nowhere, Canada.

Hiding in Canada was actually worse than hiding in the US had ever been. At least at home, they’d never been the sole target of a search and destroy mission. Not that Jon was really the target, but he was also unwilling to let Keith leave his sight.

The cabin was warm; almost cozy. It might almost have seemed like a vacation if it wasn’t for Gerard and Andrew and the rest of the security detail Rachel had put together.

The forced confinement grated on Jon’s nerves, but it almost seemed to calm Keith. He spent his time watching the snow fall through the window and reading the selection of local history books the owners had left behind.

He spoke with the security detail only rarely, letting Jon do most of his talking, but he seemed better than when they were at the Farm.

Jon found it disturbing to wake from a nightmare to the warm bed in the cabin. It startled him every single time, and this one was no exception. Exile had never been so comfortable. He longed for the drafty Chicago apartment that he’d left behind so long ago. He longed for Keith to speak with his usual passion and gusto. He longed to turn back the clock. He sighed. With thoughts like those, he wasn’t going to make it back to sleep anytime soon.

He looked across the room: his nightmare hadn’t woken Keith, who must have finally fallen asleep in the early hours of the morning. The warmth of his down comforter suddenly felt stifling. He threw it off, and hissed as the cold air hit his body. After a moment of acclimatizing, he headed for the kitchen. Andrew and Simon were playing cards at the table, and Gerard was asleep on the couch. He nodded at them before rooting through the refrigerator.

Milk in bags was just freaky, so Jon passed it up for the orange juice. He got the glass halfway to his lips and that was when the bullets started.

He had no idea what instinct led him to run toward Keith in the bedroom, but he did. The security boys were faster, and Simon had Keith up and out of bed before Jon even made it to the door.

They were huddled together in the kitchen pantry, heads just below the pancake mix. Andrew had shoved them in there, explained it was the most protected place in the house and then had left them in the dark. Jon could still hear the fighting outside. He knew people were dying. Dying to keep Keith free and safe. Jon didn’t know if Keith even noticed, because he was to busy panicking over being thrown in a tiny, dark room. Jon wrapped himself tighter around Keith, whispering calming noises into his ear, hoping it helped. They had to stay still and quiet. Keith was shaking and Jon wondered what he would do if Keith started screaming.

Jon could feel the moment Keith started to hyperventilate; his chest rising and falling faster and faster.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay,” he whispered as he held onto Keith tighter. He hoped his voice would block out the whirring noise of bullets and staccato screams coming from outside the door.

“Don’t scream,” Jon whispered as he felt Keith’s chest tighten. “We have to be quiet. It’s almost over; we just have to hang on for a few more minutes. You can do. I know you can do this, Keith.”

Jon didn’t know how long they went on like that; Keith clawing at Jon’s shirt, rocking in helpless terror and Jon trying to keep him calm enough to avoid detection. He had never been so happy to see someone as when Simon opened that pantry door, bleeding slightly, but still alive.

In the end, they won, and none of the security detail died, which was nothing short of a miracle. The Mounties had arrived in the nick of time and rolled up all the American soldiers.

It did mean they had to be moved again. Keith was quiet during the drive, but he leaned into Jon’s shoulder and finally fell asleep as they drove through the gently falling snow.

After the attack, Keith started talking more. Jon didn’t know what exactly it was that being locked in a small dark space for almost two hours had done, but oddly it seemed to shake things free.

The new cabin was much the same as the old; a two-bedroom, log affair that reminded Jon of Abraham Lincoln and maple syrup. It had a little covered porch in the front and a swing that hung from two chains attached to the roof. Jon was dubious about its stability, but Keith seemed to find it relaxing.

Keith took to sitting on the swing most afternoons, letting the snow swirl under his feet. Jon joined him most days, wrapped in seven layers of thermal clothing with a blanket or two on top.

“I hate that we kept it a secret now,” said Keith and Jon knew he was talking about Anderson.

“We were together for five years and before all this the only person who ever suspected was Rachel. I want people to know I loved him. That he loved me. That I’m now missing this part of me that I will never get back.”

Keith paused, and set them swinging in the cold with his foot. “Why did he die for me?”

***

Rachel came to collect them herself.

“They tried to hit the Farm last week,” she explained. “We were ready for them and the Mounties picked up another team. With the unrest in America, they’re sure they won’t try again.”

She laid a hand on Keith’s shoulder and he didn’t flinch away. “It’s safe to come back home now.”

***

Keith and Jon blended back into life at the Farm. Rachel watched as Keith declared himself Steve’s sous chef and the two of them bantered while making stir fry or hamburgers. Dan quickly learned to leave the crossword for Jon and Jon learned not to steal Dan’s pens.

“Hey, Rachel, come taste this,” Keith demanded one day as she sat doing paperwork at her kitchen table.

She came over and tasted the spaghetti sauce from the spoon he was holding out. “Too much basil not enough tarragon,” she said, wrinkling her nose.

Keith laughed. “You’re the only person I know who likes tarragon in their spaghetti sauce,” he said and then pulled her into a hug.

She let her head relax against his shoulder while staring at the sauce. “I never thought of you as liking to cook.”

“It’s relaxing,” Keith explained. “And it makes me feel useful,” he added with a shrug.

She didn’t say anything to Keith, but Rachel knew they would be okay now.

***

Rachel had her own sources and most of Anderson’s knew and trusted her as well. Without them, Marc Wainwright would have never been delivered into her hands. He was the last piece of the plan, and with little difficulty she convinced him to go on television and lay out his involvement in the New Orleans bombing debacle.

The other part was harder. To do the most good, they had to get this information on the air in America. They had to find a trusted American reporter who would do the interview and could get it past the censors and on to the air. Their options were limited and when she found out who the Underground had gotten she almost had a heart attack.

Bill O’Reilly was sitting on her front porch looking haggard. “I’m sorry for your loss,” were the first words out of his mouth, and Rachel was stunned by the sincerity behind those words.

It wasn’t that Rachel didn’t trust her contacts; it was the idea that Bill O’Reilly had traded sides that was so incomprehensible.

She wondered what had happened to him, because it was clear something had changed the man. She never did find out what.

Rachel didn’t tell Keith about O’Reilly until he was gone. Jon and Steve spent those two days distracting Keith and making sure the two never met. As much as Rachel knew O’Reilly had changed, she could tell Jon was dubious and everyone agreed letting O’Reilly and Keith meet would be a bad idea.

Rachel was sure Keith was suspicious, but they managed to keep him away from the conference room where O’Reilly was interviewing Marc Wainwright. To everyone’s surprise, when he did find out about the whole plan, and Bill O’Reilly’s involvement in it, his only comment was, “Okay.”

***

It took less than three months for the whole thing to fall apart. Bill O’Reilly got Marc Wainwright’s interview on the air, past censors and angry producers and followed up with all the evidence Anderson had collected. After that more and more evidence poured forth, all of it damning from such a trusted face.

“I have never in my entire life though I would want to thank Bill O’Reilly for something. But for this, this, I will change my mind,” said Keith.

***

Rachel, Jon, Keith, Steve, Dan and almost every other person on the Farm gathered around the television in the conference room.

“I did it to save America,” said Huckabee from the television screen. “To bring this country back into God’s protection, to bring righteousness to the land, and make it so everyone could truly say that God blesses America.

“While many people may not agree with my actions and while I admit that I and my staff broke the law, I still stand behind my decisions. In light of the impeachment charges brought before Congress yesterday, I have chosen to resign from the Presidency of the United States.”

Steve turned to Rachel and enveloped her in a hug. Over the cheers around him, she could just hear him say, “I think it’s really over now.”

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