Haikaveh incorrect quotes 'cause I'm back on my bs
Alhaitham: This is Kaveh, not my assistant. He's a... Some other word.
Kaveh: I'm his carer.
Alhaitham: Yeah, my carer. He cares so I don't have to.
---
Kaveh, trying to flirt: So, you come around here often?
Alhaitham , confused: I mean, this is my house, so yeah.
---
Kaveh: Being gay is a constant battle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds" and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us.
Alhaitham, without looking up from his book: If the window's open and you time it right, you can do both.
---
Kaveh: Are you ready to commit?
Alhaitham : Like, a crime or a relationship?
---
Alhaitham: Cause your pretty and your smart, and your ignoring me so your obviously my type.
Kaveh, who was distracted: I'm sorry- what were you saying?
Alhaitham: Perfect.
---
Alhaitham : I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.
Kaveh: Wow. They sound stupid.
Alhaitham : But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense.
Kaveh: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!”
Alhaitham : I guess you’re right. Hey Kaveh, I love you.
Kaveh: See! Just say that!
Alhaitham : Holy fucking shit.
Kaveh: If that flies over their head then, sorry Alhaitham , but they're too dumb for you.
Alhaitham : Kaveh.
---
Alhaitham : Did it hurt when you fell-
Kaveh: From Celestia? Wow, I didn’t think you were such a flirt-
Alhaitham : No, I meant when you fell down the stairs.
Kaveh: ...
Alhaitham : You just laid there for 15 minutes.
---
Kaveh: I can't take this anymore, someone needs to take me out!
Alhaitham : In a dating type of way, or an assassination type of way?
Kaveh: I don't know, surprise me!
---
Alhaitham : We should be partners.
Kaveh: You mean like, partners in crime?
Alhaitham : Yeah... that’s precisely what I meant, because I have another revolution in mind.
Kaveh: I'm in.
Alhaitham: ...
Alhaitham: Kaveh, no.
---
Kaveh: This date is boring!
Alhaitham : This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store.
Kaveh: Then why did you invite me?
Alhaitham : I didnt, I specifically said "don't come with me," then you said, "fuck you Alhaitham I'll do whatever I want!
---
Alhaitham : My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized.
Kaveh: *steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to their knees and sob while apologizing profusely*
Alhaitham : That one. I want that one.
---
Kaveh: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy.
Alhaitham : I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep.
Kaveh: I said within reason, Alhaitham . How about I murder that guy?
Alhaitham : So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't?
Kaveh: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?
---
Kaveh: Alhaitham , you love me, right?
Alhaitham : Normally I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won’t like.
---
Kaveh: We’re getting married, bitches!
Alhaitham: And we're about to make it everybody else's problem.
---
Alhaitham, talking to Cyno about Kaveh: WHAT THE FUCK I WAS ARGUING WITH HIM AND I SAID “OOH YOU WANNA KISS ME SO BAD” AND GUESS WHAT? HE DID. HE KISSED ME. WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DO I DO.
Cyno: First, it's 3am, fuck you.
Cyno: And second, you could have waited another month.
Alhaitham: What, why for?
Cyno: Because now I owe Tighnari money
---
Alhaitham : Kaveh and I are no longer friends.
Kaveh: ALHAITHAM THAT IS THE WORST WAY TO TELL PEOPLE THAT WE’RE DATING!
Tighnari: Cyno owes me so much money...
---
Alhaitham : I love you.
Kaveh, not paying attention: What was that?
Alhaitham : I said I’m selling you to the zOo-
---
Alhaitham : I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives.
Kaveh: I wake up at 4:30 AM every day to work on my commissions.
Alhaitham : I want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives.
---
Kaveh: *Laughs* Babe, you had a crush on me? That’s embarrassing—
Alhaitham : We’re married.
---
Kaveh: Smart is attractive. Educate me on something I don't know!
Alhaitham : The mouth of a jellyfish is also an anus.
Kaveh: Stop.
---
Alhaitham : If I'm extra sarcastic with you it probably means I'm flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can't handle your crap... have fun figuring out which one.
---
Alhaitham : Are we fighting or flirting?
Kaveh: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck-
Alhaitham : Your point?
---
Kaveh: Crushes are the worst. Whenever I’m near mine, I start acting stupid.
Alhaitham : You always act stupid.
Alhaitham :
Alhaitham : Wait...
---
Kaveh: Alhaitham and I are no longer dating.
Alhaitham : Kaveh, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married.
---
Alhaitham : Are you trying to seduce me?
Kaveh: Why, are you seducible?
Cynari bonus
Tighnari: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake.
Cyno: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear.
Tighnari : ...
Tighnari: You mean ring bearER, right?
Cyno: ...
Tighnari : Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.
