Time to move on from the “stop using official Patrol channels to bother your siblings!!” fics for the Batfamily.
May I suggest instead, “stop using random click commands to bother your siblings!” and it’s just Nightwing and Spoiler on patrol hitting “assistance assistance assistance” on their molar clips so it pops up in their comms AND their lenses, and of course there’s the occasional “down down down” when Bruce does something they don’t like and they click “terminate (chase)” whenever Red Hood shows up because it’s hilarious to try and guess what his face is doing AND it’s a dead brother joke all in one.
Alfred’s back in the cave getting “pitstop. pitstop. pitstop question?” because the kids want food after and Bruce is grinding his teeth so hard he breaks the clips because all of his teeth are implants at this point and there’s no click command for “shut the fuck up” other than “opsec opsec opsec” which just encourages them.
Barbara has her own click clips because they’re useful for multitasking, Cass loves spelling out full words with her clips and gets fluent fast, meanwhile Tim has them on all his molars and promptly chips a tooth whenever he tries to use them, Damian needs braces before they fit properly on his teeth and is handling that about as well as you can guess, and Duke loves them because he can decline every single sibling message unless it’s a priority alert.
Except one day, Duke gets hit in the mouth so hard, the clips all short out in his mouth. Instead of groaning about the sparks (Bruce is already working on a better model) Duke feeds them a little and smiles at whoever hit him with a bloody, sparking mouth, and promptly wins “most badass fight” on the sibling board (eh) but then gets Bruce’s praise for not leaving the clips (and the teeth) behind even if they regenerate.
Which is all to say: Batfamily testing is the kind of stress testing corporations pay millions for.
