Let’s Go Get the Baddies!
CW: my poor attempt at humour(?), drama queen!Draco (but who doesn’t want that?!), lots of kissing, so much ridiculousness
Draco rolls his eyes as Harry tries to keep him at his back, preventing him from peering around the corner. Instead, Draco remains pressed up against him.
“What’s this, Potter? Now I’m incapable of a simple observation?” Draco mutters against Harry’s ear. He smiles at the slight shiver that runs through Harry.
“You’re hardly missing out on a covert operation, Draco,” Harry whispers in response, carefully manoeuvring a conjured compact mirror to peer around the corner with.
The upper deck of the cruise ship had been vacated just minutes ago by the hijackers. Draco was still in his speedo, for Merlin’s sake. And wandless. Fortunately, Harry was not only a bit more covered in his plain scarlet swim trunks and white t-shirt, but also had the mind to bring his wand along with him when they had decided to lounge at the pool earlier.
“Why does trouble always find you?” Draco tsks, crossing his arms against his naked chest. “Is this something I’m going to have to deal with forever?”
“Draco, please,” Harry warns. “I’m trying to listen to the main hijacker’s demands.” Then, after a slight pause he says, “I’m hardly to be blamed for this. It’s not like they’re here for me. For once.”
“What are they here for?”
Harry shrugs. “I don’t know. Wealth. Power. World-domination. All I know is that this is fucking up our entire itinerary,” Harry sighs, pocketing the compact mirror and straightening up. “There’s seven men holding the captain and his crew hostage. No fatalities. Another three patrolling the main deck, from what I saw earlier. I also noticed about five suspicious men on the lower deck when I was coming from the kitchens this morning.”
Draco looks perplexed. “Is that where you were, you insufferable arse. You said you were out strolling, not stuffing your face without me!”
“I wasn’t,” Harry says quickly.
“Then what were you down there for? Hmm?”
“It’s not important right now,” Harry snaps, but his cheeks flush. He pushes his glasses up with a finger. “Have you any other intel you’d like to provide?” The air of impatience around Harry is palpable, and so not on.
Draco scowls. “Okay Mr Big Bad Team Leader Auror Potter! All of them have automatics. All of them seem extremely angry. There. Fuck you very much.”
Harry sighs wearily, pushing his glasses up to massage the bridge of his slightly crooked nose.
“We should just go back to our cabin, call for backup, and pretend this never happened,” Draco continues, feeling petulant and taking great pleasure from Harry’s subtle frustration.
“Fat chance of that. We’re bloody Aurors, Draco.”
“But this is my bloody honeymoon!” Draco pouts.
“Our honeymoon. And unfortunately there are hundreds of lives at stake and I can’t imagine choosing to ignore saving those lives to shag you rotten in our room.”
Draco gasps, his eyes livid. “How dare you say something like that to me! Me, your husband. The future other father of our children. The man you’ve literally bonded your bloody, selfish, piggish soul to!”
Harry places a hand on each of Draco’s shoulders and gives him a slight shake. “Draco. Love of my life. Apple of my eye. My cherished, heart’s desire…I will shag you three hundred different ways all over this fucking cruise ship if you help me apprehend these baddies, okay?”
“That’s quite a tall order, Potter, are you sure you can handle it?”
Harry’s responding grin is so wicked and devilish, Draco is nowhere near surprised that the blood in his body pumps south. “Don’t underestimate me,” Harry says, his tone pitched low, husky. Draco shivers.
“Hmmm, I haven’t yet, Potter,” Draco says, leaning in to press a soft, chaste kiss to his husband’s lips. “Okay. Let’s go get the baddies.”
Harry hands him his wand. “You take this. Stay to my left. Stun the ones with the weapons first. I’ll take the one holding the captain via hand to hand. Once we have them bound with rope, we’ll silence them and make our way through the ship.”
“You’re comfortable going entirely wandless for this?”
Draco can feel his cheeks flush as Harry begins to flex his shoulders and arms, bouncing lightly on the balls of his feet before conjuring a small, scarlet orb of magic in his right palm. It’s a perfectly controlled, unreleased, Stupefy. “Locked and loaded,” Harry says, as if he's in some terrible film that's both Muggle and American.
Draco growls before pulling Harry towards him, ignoring the sharp yelp of surprise Harry makes, to crush their lips together in a bruising, filthy kiss. “Merlin, you’re so bloody hot. I can’t wait to get you in bed after we handle this,” Draco says against Harry’s lips. When he pulls back, Harry is slightly dazed.
“The feeling is completely mutual, babe,” Harry says with a crooked smile.
Later on, when they’ve apprehended all the hijackers, and both backup Aurors and Muggle coast guards and marine police are roaming the ship, Draco stands beside Harry, only half listening to his partner recount the slightly altered tale of how they took out fifteen extremely dangerous hijackers.
“We’re lucky to have had two skilled rangers on board,” the coast guard says.
“Really, it was no problem at all. Happy to have helped,” Harry says.
Draco nearly chokes as he tries to hide his laugh over the ridiculousness of their cover. “I, for one, would like to disagree. This was a huge inconvenience to our honeymoon. I had to fight these creeps in just a Speedo. My modesty was in constant jeopardy.” One of the marine officers actually provided Draco a jacket earlier, but this did little to smooth away Draco’s annoyance over the whole wasted day.
The guard stops taking down notes and instead shoots Harry a bewildered, questioning look. Harry grins sheepishly and shrugs.
“My husband has been through quite the ordeal today, sir. If you don’t mind, we’d like to continue our honeymoon in peace,” Harry says, wrapping his arms around Draco’s body.
“Get a room!” one of the bounded hijackers snarls in disgust from his position on the floor.
Draco moves to kick him but Harry blocks his way. “We would have been doing exactly that and more in that very room had you bastards not interrupted us!”
“Ignore him, he’s not worth it,” Harry says, the corners of his lips twitching.
Just then, they’re approached by an elderly man. Draco recognises him as the cruise’s three-star Michelin chef.
“A reminder, Mr Potter, that we are still on for tonight. Thank you for saving our lives, gentlemen,” the chef says with a small nod before shuffling off.
“What’s he on—oh…” Draco says, realisation dawned on him. Harry’s answering blush is all the confirmation Draco needs. “You silly, gorgeous, selflessly charming man,” Draco simpers, pulling Harry in closer.
“Surprise!” Harry says, boyish grin once again firmly in place.
Draco wraps his arms around Harry tighter and then spins him on his heel, dipping him backwards with a flourish. Harry’s hands immediately clasp behind his neck. “Oh, we are just beginning with the surprises, husband of mine,” Draco purrs.
And then Draco kisses him.
This may very well be the best honeymoon ever.
