bf!rodrick who swore he'd never in a million years fall for one of the plastics. if you asked him who he fancied last year, he'd shrug and say, "dunno.. someone who'd wanna tour with the band. oh, and they can't wear pink. löded diper policy."

bf!rodrick who'd see you strutting down the hall, heels clicking as you transformed the linoleum floors into a runway. he'd sneer from his locker and chuck a spitball at you, muttering a snarky, "chicks dig bad boys!" to his bandmates.

bf!rodrick who asked you to be his girlfriend on prom night. he stood outside your house in formal clothes (in his definition, formal means anything that isn't pajamas) holding up a handmade sign that said, "you löded my diper when no one else would. will you let me be your böyfriend?" in sharpie. you scoffed at the sight, because did he seriously think he'd have the chance with you? get real.

bf!rodrick who thought he'd blown it big time seeing your initial reaction. he switched off the speakers, turned around and was ready to chuck the sign into the back of his van. you waltzed over to him, whispering a sarcastic, "as if" before grabbing his face and pulling him into a long kiss. "i'll be your girlfriend if you promise not to be a jerk."

bf!rodrick who treats you like an absolute goddess. he'll drive you around, blowing off his bandmates during practice saying he needs, 'girlfriend time'. he's actually started cleaning out his van regularly now to accommodate you.. and also because he's learnt a new concept called hi-jean or something. whatever, there's too many letters.

bf!rodrick who's grown used to the inevitable bling you've brought into his life. your stuff is cluttered around his room, juicy couture taking over his closet and adding a burst of glitter into his monochrome life. at his house parties, he'll have you attached at the hip the entire time because he likes showing you off ♡

bf!rodrick who will write corny love songs for you even if you make fun of him. he gets most of his songwriting inspiration from your relationship. his first album titled, "löve is an open dore" featured your voice in the background for an artistic touch, he said. if he really can't get out of practice, he'll let you sit on his lap and try his best not to bang your head with a drumstick.

bf!rodrick who lets you do his makeup before going on stage. he'll giggle as you pat down a generous amount of foundation on his cheeks, saying, "mom's gonna kill me.." as he passes you a stick of cream eyeliner. "she likes me, don't worry," you smile, placing a chaste kiss on his face and staining his cheek with bright red lip gloss.

bf!rodrick who's parents have become incredibly fond of you. they'll invite you to family dinners, on christmas, easter, you name it. greg considers you part of the family now. they'll often joke and say, "we don't know what he'd do without you!" but there's a hint of sincerity in their words. they've never seen rodrick so happy.. and clean.

bf!rodrick who still wonders how he pulled you. one of the plastics dating a lanky drummer boy certainly wasn't on anyones bingo card this year, but here's the 4-1-1.. you and rodrick make such an oddly compatible couple that everyone else can only dream of a relationship like yours.

© draculiette ✧ do not copy, modify or repost any of my work.

okay but imagine this . . .

you get hired to babysit manny for the night—just manny, susan assures you—but as soon as you walk through the door, it’s clear you’ve inherited all three heffley boys.

greg follows you like around like a puppy. he talks nonstop about how middle school is full of “morons” and how people say he’s “wise beyond his years” (no one has ever said that). he keeps trying to bring up high school drama he barely understands.

rodrick clearly didn’t know you were coming, because when he sees you, he immediately vanishes upstairs. a few minutes later, he reappears—wearing heavy eyeliner and smelling like half a can of axe. (“oh, didn’t know you were here tonight,”) he orders pizza, leans over the back of the couch and tries to impress you by talking about his band.

manny is barely a factor. (greg handed over a sleeve of oreos and let him play with his gameboy in exchange)

when susan and frank finally get home, the house is unusually quiet and suspiciously tidy. manny’s tucked in bed, and greg is wiping down the counter. rodrick, of all things, is vacuuming the living room. frank stands in the doorway, eyeing his sons like he’s trying to figure out if they’ve been replaced by aliens.

susan thanks you with a smile, handing you your payment, and the boys? they’re already hatching a plan to make sure you come back next week.

*sob*

how the destiel meme comes across every time i see it

This diva

𝚒𝚝𝚜 𝚔𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐… 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚛𝚘𝚌𝚔𝚎𝚝 𝚜𝚌𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎.

pairings: rodrick heffley x fem! bandmate reader

summary: what starts as a sarcastic “kissing lesson” in rodrick’s garage turns into real flirting...

warings: teasing/flirting, kissing, tension, sweet angst, humor, stealing, fluff.

notes: was rotting in my drafts and needed majoring editing, finally finished it though so yay!! slighty proof read and lowercase intended!

wc: 2.1k

rodrick heffley had a reputation that came before he even picked up a drumstick... lazy, loud, sarcastic, and somehow always acting like nothing mattered.

which is why it was infuriating that the one thing he suddenly did take seriously was you.

“again,” he said flatly, leaning back against the garage wall. “you’re overthinking it.”

you wiped your palms on your skirt, warmth rising up your neck. “i’m not overthinking it. you’re just… not explaining it right.”

rodrick snorted. “it’s kissing. not rocket science.”