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#adulting is hard

#advice#socializing#executive dysfunction#this is my life#the struggle is real#adulthood
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My Dad is dying. He's been battling dementia since '21 and kidney failure since last year. For the last several days, he's been refusing food and is having trouble walking. I sat with him again all day yesterday, but I couldn't get him to open his eyes or acknowledge I was there. My husband is helping me transport him to my wheelchair bound sister's facility today to say goodbye while we still can. If you would, please pray for him and for me. I'm seriously struggling...🙏💔
#death#dementia#Alzheimer's#kidneyhealth#adulting is hard#after 3 back to back cancer scares I can't handle much more can't handle#I'm having panic attacks#captain Valium for the assist
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man

I've been feeling like shit all week

and my manager is very good at pushing my buttons (via her all-encompassing lack of managerial aptitude imo)

so I just quit effective immediately

over *text*

which is a thing I have never ever done in my entire life and do in fact feel kind of ashamed about

but also fuck them, because their unreasonable expectations and inability to maintain sustainable staffing levels are not my fault, so whatever I guess?

#I am half-way between wanting to pull on sunglasses and finger-gun at them because it serves them right#and being too mortified and frustrated to ever leave the house again#adulting is hard#jilly spam#like I am in fact arguably a terrible employee#but they were 💯 an idiotic employer first#also like#I am 46 years old and absolutely suffer from ADHD time blindness#and I have never ever been so consistently *almost late* to any commitment before in my entire life#which absolutely illustrates some things
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Another offer on another house has been submitted. We will hear if it's been accepted within 48 hours

I found a used car that is the same model as my old one but one year newer that is priced within the payout amount we got from insurance - going to look at that today.

Also selling my floor loom today - recognized that a table loom will be better on my joints.

And then maybe? things will slow down a bit and there will be less things to figure out?

#this is my life#adulting is hard#why is it always everything at once?
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Update! Forgive me I am SUFFERING™

I have been going though what a good friend calls a metric fuckton

and I finally am trying to write it all out and explain my absence

  1. I have been without one of my depression meds for about a month and right now there is no clear answer when I will get back on it. I go to a low income clinic and this med is provided to me for free though a special program. While I have not had any issues for years, it seems 2026 is the fuck you year because there's some kind of delay with the application? I don't really know. Nobody gives me a straight answer.
  2. My SNAP benefits were canceled at the end of July. This is after me doing everything correctly, and getting multiple confirmations though the online portal except for the fact that I needed to do a big interview. They didn't tell me this til after my food stamp case was put on hold. Two days alter they actually call me to do said interview only to literally hang up on me within 30 seconds and never call back. I waited four hours to be seen at the local office and now have to provide a bunch of new paperwork I never needed before (thank president karven von cheeto) and they just sent me off. I don't know when my food stamps --i.e. my only food budget--will be reinstated because apparently the entire state is TWO MONTHS behind on cases. People are going hungry. (I have family willing to help me though, don't worry)
  3. My apartment building has a lot of issues this year, with old ac units breaking almost daily and it finally happened to me. I have had my AC unit replaced THREE times in the past four days and none of them have been working reliably. The past week has been regularly over 100 degrees (38 celsius btw) here and it will likely stay that way for at least the rest of August. My apt is usually in the high 80s and so uncomfortable I can't sleep or really do anything. I am drinking water and electrolytes, but I am fucking tired and hot. This is why I don't have the energy to post or do anything I promised anyone. I am so so sorry. Please give me grace.
  4. Yes, I have seen the Scarecrow episode of Caped Crusader and I have -THOUGHTS- but the above makes it so I need to solve on other more pressing issues like affording food, staying cool, suicidal thoughts, etc and I need to focus on me right now, so I hope you understand that I am not ignoring anyone.

I promise I am just stressed, and there's few other issues I have not mentioned here. Such as an ongoing disability application that is a whole can of worms, and it sucks.

I do ask for patience with me, it's been really rough the past month

#moffy speaks#thats kidna the jist#though it's more nuanced than what I've put here#adulting is hard