a/n: this was so cute to write <3 lowkey needed a break from toxic!roman
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The playground buzzed with tiny voices and the squeak of swings. You sat cross-legged in the sandbox, completely focused. Your little tongue poked out in concentration as you carefully patted the walls of your sandcastle with a bright yellow shovel. You'd even found a tiny pebble to use as the "front door."
"There," you whispered proudly. "It's finished." Then a shadow fell over your castle and you looked up. A boy from your class stood there with his hands shoved into his pockets, "That's a dumb castle." You frowned, "It's not dumb."
He laughs, "My dad says castles are for babies." Before you could answer the boys sneaker came down right through the middle and the tower collapsed instantly. Your little pebble door disappeared beneath the sand. You stared at the ruined pile for a second and your bottom lip.
Across the playground, little Roman had been kneeling in the dirt, pushing toy monster trucks through it. He flanced up when he heard the tiny hiccups of someone trying not to cry. He didn't know you, never talked to you, and didn't even know your name. But he saw the broken castle and your watery eyes something inside his little six-year-old brain decided that this wasn't fair.
He dropped his monster truck where it was and he stomped toward the sandbox. The other boy didn't even notice Roman until shove came his way. The boy tumbled backward onto the dirt with a gasp. Roman stood in front of the sandbox with his little fists were balled at his sides, "Leave her alone." The boy furrows his brows, "I didn't even-"
"I said leave her alone."
"She was just making a dumb-"
"My castle wasn't dumb..." you mumbled behind Roman, rubbing at your eyes. Roman looked over his shoulder at you then back at the boy, "It wasn't dumb." The other boy decided this wasn't worth getting shoved again and he huffed dramatically before stomping away toward the swings.
Roman waited until he was gone only then did he look back at you. Your cheeks were pink from crying and you stared sadly at the pile of sand that used to be your castle. Without saying anything, Roman climbed into the sandbox and he sat beside you. Then he picked up the little yellow shovel, "We can make another one." You looked at him with wide eyes, "Really?"
He nodded once, "Bigger." You smiled for the first time since your castle got ruined, "Okay." Though you soon found out Roman wasn't very good at building castles. The towers kept falling over and he accidentally buried the little pebble door three different times. You giggled every time he sighed and dug it back out.
"I think..." you announced very seriously, "...you're making it too lumpy." Roman frowned at the sand, "It is kinda lumpy." You scoot closer, "No, look." Your tiny hand rested over his as you showed him how to pat the sand flat, "Like this." Roman copied you, "Oh, it worked!" You grin and held out your tiny, sandy hand, "Wanna be friends?" Roman looked at your hand for a second before taking it, "Okay!"
Before the teacher had even finished saying, "Have a good weekend, everyone!" Roman was already stuffing his math folder into his backpack. He looked over at you, "You ready?" You zipped your backpack so fast it got caught, "Wait." Roman sighed, reached over, and fixed the zipper in two seconds, "There."
As you two ran outside the familiar jingle of the ice cream truck drifted through the open school doors. Your eyes lit up, "The truck!" You both caught your breath while digging through your pockets. "I have," you dumped a pile of coins into your palm, "a bunch of quarters!"
Roman looked into his own pocket, "I got some too." The two of you carefully counted your change on the little metal counter. The ice cream man smiled patiently while you whispered the numbers together.
You didn't even have to think, "The spongebob popsicle!" Roman nodded toward the ice cream man, "And hot cheetos with cheese." The ice cream man handed everything over and you admired your popsicle, "He has both eyes today!"
Roman looked over, "His smile's kinda crooked." The two of you started the walk home together. Your neighborhoods were only a few streets apart, so it had become routine over the years.
You happily licked your popsicle while Roman held his bag of hot cheetos covered in bright orange cheese. He held the bag toward you, "You want some?" You looked at him hopefully, "Can I?"
"You were gonna ask eventually."
You giggled and pinched a Hot Cheeto between your fingers, "So were you." Roman shakes his head, "No way."
"You always eat my snacks too!"
The two of you kept walking and chattered about whatever had been happening in school that week. Roman mostly listened, chiming in every now and then with a quiet "really?" or "that's weird." He liked listening to you even back then.
When you reach the corner where your streets split, you smile, "See you Monday?" Roman adjusts his backpack, "Yeah." You beam, "Bye, Roman!" You skipped the rest of the way home, happily finishing the last bite of your SpongeBob popsicle. Roman watched until you disappeared around the corner only then did he start walking toward his own house.
You quietly turned your bedroom lamp off before peeking through the blinds. Sure enough parked beneath the streetlight was Roman's car. You quietly slipped on your sneakers and qinced as one of the laces smacked against the floor. You grabbed your little purse, slipped your phone inside, and tiptoed into the hallway. Every tiny creak in the wood made your heart stop.
You eased down the back staircase one careful step at a time. The kitchen was dark only the glow of the microwave clock lit the room. You reached for the back door slowly very...slowly. You gently pushed the door open and the cool night air hit your face.
You stepped outside and quietly closed it behind you. "Oh my God..." you whispered to yourself. Then you hurried down the side of the house, trying not to laugh from the adrenaline.
You finally go up to Roman's car and he looks up the moment he saw you. A grin spread across his face, "There you are." You walked over, still whispering even though you were outside "I actually did it."
He opened the passenger door for you and you climbed in, shutting the door as quietly as possible. The second you buckled your seatbelt, you sigh, "That was scary." Roman smiled, pulling away from the curb.
You looked out the window at your quiet neighborhood getting smaller behind you then over at him, "Thanks for waiting." Roman kept his eyes on the road, "I wouldn't leave you."
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As you got older, life naturally pulled you in different directions. The two of you weren't the twelve-year-olds racing to the ice cream truck anymore. Eventually he met Nate, Ryan, and Hollis, and somewhere along the way music stopped being a hobby and became his career. You had your own life, too with work and new friends.
Weeks went by where the two of you barely saw each other but neither of you ever questioned your guy's friendship. Sometimes you wouldn't see each other for ten days and sometimes you'd end up spending three days in a row together.
But something that never changed about Roman was how he felt about you. When you guys met in first grade, Roman didn't know what he was feeling. All he knew was that seeing someone make you cry made him angry.
Somewhere between rebuilding sandcastles, walking home from the ice cream truck, and spending every recess together ou simply became his favorite person. In elementary school, it almost felt like you were the sister he never had.
You were always there if he looked to his left in class, you were there. If he walked home after school, you were beside him. If something funny happened, you were the first person he wanted to tell. Then middle school felt...different. He couldn't explain why nothing between you had changed.
But sometimes he'd catch himself looking at you a little longer than before, smiling because you were smiling, and getting annoyed when another boy made you laugh. But he'd brush it off "she's just my best friend" that's all it was...right? Then high school freshman year came and went. Sophomore year, Roman noticed people looking at you.
He hated it he told himself it was because he was protective. Junior year he started noticing things he never had before. The way you'd wear your hair and the way your nose scrunched when you laughed really hard. He found himself remembering little things you said weeks ago. He genuinely looked forward to seeing you every morning.
Wondering why his day felt off whenever you were absent. He still didn't let himself think too hard about it until senior year. One afternoon, it hit him, you were sitting on the hood of his car after school, talking about absolutely nothing. You'd been rambling for nearly ten minutes yet he hadn't heard a single word he was too busy looking at you.
The sunlight caught your face as you laughed at your own story. Roman smiled before he could stop himself and then it clicked how much he really did like you. He liked you you enough that the thought of someone else holding your hand made his stomach twist.
Enough that, for the first time in his life je was scared. Because now there was something to lose and that's why he never confessed. Roman thought about telling you more than once. But every time he imagined it e imagined the other possibility, too.
You saying "roman...I don't feel that way" suddenly the person he'd spent his entire life with would become awkward and distant. He couldn't bear that he'd rather spend the rest of his life being your best friend than risk one conversation and lose you completely. So he buried it and loved you the only way he thought he was allowed to as your best friend.
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You rest you cheek against the window watching the night sky. It had been a good night uou'd grabbed tacos and walked around downtown for a while. Now he was driving you home you sit curled up in the passenger seat, your knees tucked slightly toward yourself. Roman glances over for a second you'd been smiling at absolutely nothing for the past five minutes.
He gives you a look, "You only smile like that when something happened."
You bite the inside of your cheek, "Promise you won't laugh?" Roman smiles, "I won't laugh." You look down at your hands, "I...there's this guy at work."
You nod, "I think I think I kinda like him."
"Mhm but I don't know." You laugh again, shaking your head, "I feel so stupid."
"Cause I get nervous every time he talks to me."
Roman forces a small smile, "That's normal."
You look over at him, "I don't know what to do."
He keeps his eyes on the road, "What do you mean?"
"I don't know if he likes me and I don't wanna make things awkward."
Roman feels like something heavy appeared in his throat, "Has he said anything?"
"No but he's really nice." You smile to yourself, "He always asks if I've eaten and yesterday he brought me coffee because he remembered what I order."
"You think maybe," you look at him hopefully, "maybe he likes me too?" He wants just for one selfish second to say no. To tell you not to get your hopes up and the guy probably wasn't worth it. Instead he nods his head, "If he's remembering your coffee order I'd say you've got a pretty good chance."
Your face lights up, "Really?"
He pulls up outside your house, you turn toward him with the brightest smile, "Thanks for listening."
You reach over and give his shoulder a quick squeeze before climbing out of the car, "Goodnight, Ro."
He waits until you were safely inside before pulling away from the curb. The smile he's been holding all night disappeares.
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Hollis had invited Roman over to his place to just hang out and Roman decided why not he needed anything to just get over what had happened last week with you. Roman sits slouched at one end of the couch, lazily scrolling through his phone. Hollis was on the floor, controller in hand, "Dude."
"You gonna play or just stare at your screen?"
Roman looks up, "My bad."
He set his phone beside him and picks up the second controller. They play for a while and Roman loses twice. Normally he'd complain, blame the game, and tell Hollis he got lucky but tonight he doesn't even say anything. They play again and Roman drives his character straight off the map.
"You just walked off a cliff."
"I wasn't paying attention."
"No shit," Hollis mutes the TV and Roman looks over, "why'd you mute it?" Hollis tosses the controller onto the coffee table, "You okay?" Roman swallows, "Yeah."
Slowly Roman does and when Hollis sees his face he's met with Roman's glossy eyes. He's not yet crying but he's trying really, really hard not to.
Hollis sits forward, "What happened? Did something bad happen?"
Hollis blinks, "Y/n..?" Roman nods and his eyes stay fixed on the floor, "It's some guy from her work."
Roman nods and covers his eyes with one hand, taking a slow breath before dropping it back into his lap, "I should be happy for her....I am happy for her." His throat feels tight, "I just wanted it to be me." Hollis quietly asks, "Have you ever told her?" Roman shakes his head, "No."
"If she says no," his eyes water again, "I lose my best friend." Roman lets out a shaky breath, "I don't know what to do." Hollis leans back against the couch, "You know what your problem is? You've convinced yourself she's gonna reject you that you're literally restricting yourself."
"I'm protecting what we have."
"Be fucking for real you're protecting yourself. You don't wanna hear "no" and I get it but you know what's gonna happen if you keep doing this? What if one day she calls you and she tells you some guy proposed. You're gonna wonder what would've happened if you'd just told her."
Roman shakes his head, "I can't."
"What are you so afraid of?"
"But don't spend the rest of your life wondering."
Hollis rolls his eyes, "Do you really think a girl who's known you since she was six is gonna hear you say, 'I think I'm in love with you,' and suddenly decide you're a stranger? Tell her before its too late."
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The sun was beginning to set as the two of you wander through the park. You'd spent the afternoon grabbing coffee and walking the trails like you always did whenever your schedules lined up. You were talking about work but Roman wasn't listening. His heart was beating so loudly he could barely hear anything else. "Roman?"
"You've been really quiet today."
He rubs the back of his neck, "Yeah I know."
You stop walking and he notices and turns around, "What?" You tilt your head, "What's wrong?" Roman looks at you and how the afternoon sun catches your face. He takes a slow breath, " need to tell you something." Your smile fades into a softer expression, "Okay."
He opens his mouth, "I..." His throat tightens and you wait patiently, "Roman?" He looks at you then he imagines your smile disappearing and things becoming awkward. He forces a small laugh, "I think your tire looks a little low."
He nods a little too quickly, "Yeah."
You look over at your car parked nearby, "Really?"
You frown, "I literally got air in them yesterday."
Roman looks over too, "Maybe I'm wrong."
You giggle, "I was wondering why you looked so serious. "I thought you were gonna tell me something crazy." You nudge his shoulder, "You scared me."
Roman stands on your front porch, staring at the front door. He'd practiced this speech in the car twice then another three times after parking. His heart was pounding a few seconds later the door swung open. Your face immediately lights up, "Roman!" You smile so brightly it almost makes him forget why he'd come.
"What are you doing here? You should've texted!" You step aside, holding the door open, "C'mon in." You disappear into the kitchen, "You want something to drink?"
"You come back carrying your own glass of water before sitting beside him on the couch, "So what's up?" Roman rubs his hands together, "I just...wanted to see you." You smile softly, "That's sweet." Before Roman can say anything you sigh, "You know I don't think I'm gonna go."
His eyebrows pull together, "Go where?"
"The date with the guy from my work." You stare down into your glass, slowly tracing your finger around the rim, "I've been thinking about it all day.I don't know I liked him I really did." You shrug, "But it didn't feel like anything." You search for the right words, "I kept thinking I was supposed to be excited."
You smile awkwardly, "I bought a new outfit and I even did my makeup twice. I kept waiting for that feeling like the butterflies and the excitement." Your smile fades, "It just never came." Roman looks at you and knows that if he didn't say it now he never will. He gently reaches for your wrist amd you look up at him, "What?"
Everything stops and your eyes went impossibly wide.
"I know it's terrible timing, but I've been trying to tell you for years. I should've said something sooner I've literally loved you since high school. Actually...probably before that." You just stare at him eyes impossibly wide pne hand covering your mouth, "Oh my God." Roman's stomach sinks maybe he'd just ruined everything. Roman swallows hard, "You don't have to say anything.
Roman freezes, his brain short-circuiting. "What?" he says, the word barely a whisper. "Kiss me," you repeat, your voice steadying as you drop your hand from your mouth, stepping closer into his space, "Please." Roman doesn't hesitate he practically closes the distance between you in a split second.
One hand slides to the back of your neck while the other settled firmly against your waist. Years of pent-up longing and desperation pouring out in a single second. Your lips parted instinctively, inviting more. Roman groans against your mouth, his arms wrapping around you as he deepens the kiss.
The kiss tastes like years of repressed desire, like every late night thinking about you, every jealousy spike when someone else touched you. He pulls back just an inch, "Tell me to stop," he murmurs. You shake your head, hands gripping his shoulders for support. "Don't stop," you whisper, and he kisses you again, harder this time.
One hand slides down your side, palm flat against your stomach as he pulled you against him, making sure you could feel every inch of him pressed against you. The kiss went on and on, getting more desperate with each passing second. His hand moves lower, fingers hooking into the waistband of your skirt, thumb brushing against the bare skin just above it.
He was kissing you so deeply you could barely think straight. You whimper softly, your legs parting slightly. Roman's hand snakes under your skirt, his fingers teasing the lace of your underwear. "You're so sweet," His fingers trace the edge of your lace, his thumb brushing against your center.
"You have no idea what you do to me." His thumb presses down gently through the lace, applying pressure exactly where you need it. He looks at you, eyes full of desire and years of pent-up love, "Can I?" You look up at him through heavy-lidded eyes, your mouth wet from his kisses.
You nod eagerly, as soon as you gave the unspoken consent, Roman's fingers slipp underneath your lace panties, finding you already damp. You gasp as his warm fingers press against you. "God," he whispers against your ear, "you're so wet for me." Roman's thumb finds your clit, rubbing slow circles that made your knees weak.
One finger slid inside you, testing the water, and he groans at how you feel. A second finger joins the first, his hand works with practiced ease that made your stomach tense up. Your head falls forward against his shoulder, a soft moan leaving from your throat as his fingers stretched you perfectly.
"I've got you," he murmurs against your temple, his fingers pumping inside you with a slow, rhythm. He keeps his rhythm perfectly slow, curling his fingers against you with every stroke while his other hand holds you steady against his chest. "There's my girl," he praises softly, kissing your temple, "good girl."
Your walls clench around his fingers as pleasure builds rapidly in you. You could feel him pressing hard against your hip, straining against his pants, but his focus never wavers from you. His thumb keeps that same relentless pressure on your clit while his fingers curl inside you. "You feel so good around my fingers," he murmurs against your ear.
Your eyes roll back as his fingers curl just right, hitting that perfect spot deep inside you. A little sob of pleasure breaks past your lips. "Oh my god, right there," you whimper, grinding against his hand. You were so close, already, his praise and attention breaking you down. "Please, Roman, please."
"Breathe for me," Roman says softly, noticing your breathing becoming scattered and panicked as you got closer. His fingers quicken their pace slightly, curling relentlessly. "That's it just like that." A whimper escapes you and he smiles against your ear, "You're taking this so well."
You look up at him and his eyes met yours. His dark hair was messy from your hands, his cheeks flushed with desire. He looks almost angelic with those pretty eyes and sharp features as he focuses solely on your pleasure.
He recognizes the way you were staring, and a soft, sweet smile breaks onto his face. "You're so pretty," he whispers. His thumb presses harder against your clit, making you gasp. "I want you, Roman," you whine out, "Please, I need you."
"You want me?" he whispered against your lips. You nod desperately, your eyes pleading, "Yes," you breath, "please." He pulls away, then gently slides his fingers out with a soft pop. He pulls back just enough to catch your gaze, "Are you sure?"
You nod again, more forcefully this time. Roman pushes his pants down just enough to free himself. He reaches into his wallet to get a condom and tears it open with his teeth and rolls it onto himself, "You still sure?"
"Yes," your fingertips trace his jaw, your touch gentler than anything he's ever known. Roman leans into your palm instinctively. His tip nudgez against your wet folds, testing the waters before pushing forward. He pushes in slowly, taking his time to stretch you around him.
You wrap your legs around his waist, helping him in. Roman groans loudly, his face burying in your neck.."You feel so so good," he says against your skin, pressing soft kisses along your collarbone. His hips shift slowly, "Tell me if it's too much."
"It's not too much," you whisper, pressing your face into the crook of his neck. He keeps the pace torturously slow and intimate, rocking into you with deep, steady strokes. He kisses your temple, your forehead, and your neck, murmuring praises between every thrust.
You take a shaky breath as he slowly withdraws nearly all the way before pushing back in just as slowly. Your head falls back with a whine, "That's it," he encourages, his thumb finding your clit again while he works inside you. Your walls clench around him tightly, a cry tearing from your throat, "R-roman...'m so close."
"I know, I know," he encourages, not slowing down or stopping the steady thrusts that were making you see stars. His thumb presses hard against your clit, rubbing in small circles. "Let go, let go." He kisses your lips, swallowing your needy noises. You come harder than you ever had in your life, whimpering Roman's name as your walls clench rhythmically around him.
Your nails dig into his shoulders as you try to stabilize yourself. Roman comes soon after and he slows his hips, moving through your spasms until he comes to a gentle stop, burying his face in your neck with a low, satisfied sigh. He presses soft, open-mouthed kisses against your damp neck and shoulder, grounding you as you both came down from the high, "You okay?"
"Mhm," you hum weakly, pressing your face into the crook of his neck, hiding your flushed cheeks. "Hey," Roman coos gently, tilting your chin up so you'd look at him. A teasing grin tugged at his lips, "You can stop hiding now I already saw everything." You swat his chest weakly, "Shut up," you mumble, but cant help but laugh.
"That was really good though," he says softly, his playful demeanor fading into sincerity. "Not just because of you know," his thumb tracing your jawline, "but because of you." Now that you've come down from the intensified feelings you can't help but ask Roman why he never told you he liked you.
"Because I was terrified," Roman replies honestly, "You were my best friend. If I messed up and told you I liked you and you rejected me, I'd lose you completely." You let out a small laugh, "We've been best friends for years. You really thought I'd just stop being your friend if you liked me?"
"I don't know," Roman shrugs helplessly, his brows furrowing. "I didn't want to risk it I kept putting it off because I didn't want to ruin our friendship."
"Ruining it?" you repeat, shaking your head in disbelief. "Roman, we literally did everything together." You look up at him, your expression softening, "I think I've always liked you too...I just never knew it."
"You never...knew it? So you're saying you're just realizing you like me now? After I just fucked your brains out?" You roll your eyes affectionately, "Shut up, you know what I mean."
"I mean it though you never once gave me a sign." He sounds genuinely confused. "All those times we hung out, all those nights we stayed up talking... nothing?" You shrug, admitting defeat. "I just thought that's what being best friends was. It didn't... click."
"So we wasted years because neither of us had a brain?"
"Okay, but in fairness," you say, pulling back to look at him seriously, "who's the person who stayed quiet about their feelings for years?"
"Yeah whatever but technically, we both wasted years, so we're both idiots." You laughed, poking him in the chest, "Fine but you're the bigger idiot."
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