𓆩^._.^𓆪

Taking a walk along a quiet naturey trail, looking for a spot to stop and have my snacks, and as I aim for a wee clearing I've stopped at before I see a condom wrapper and I'm like well no shame in cruising glad you used protection I'll just make sure I check where I sit in case the rest of the condom is there, but then I get to my little sitting spot and right where I was going to perch is a set of industrial safety goggles so now im just like. Well what on earth were you doing that you needed That Much protection

doctor: cure is simple. go see clown

chronically ill patient: but doctor, I'm seeing a clown right now and he's not helping

the intended reading of this joke is that the doctor is being called a clown, but I also like people's alternate readings in the notes where a) the patient's partner is a clown, figuratively or literally, or b) the patient is hallucinating a clown everywhere they go

”Ryland Grace’s life was valued less because he was single,” is such a weird take because it depends entirely on the idea that Eva Stratt might have hesitated if he weren’t.

Eva. Stratt. Eva Stratt is a bulldozer who takes out Antarctica and the Sahara and commanders an entire Chinese naval aircraft carrier.

Eva Stratt would have thrown his ass on that rocket if he had ten wives.

image: tags. #ive been saying thisss #he could have been running a sanctuary for elderly dogs and she wouldn't have hesitated #grace not having any (conventional) connections is supposed to accentuate His characterization #(no he's not worried about leaving anyone in need or grieving. he just Doesn't Want To Die) not stratt's #stratt telling him that he doesn't have anyone is her asking him to be fucking honest with her about why he's saying no #top 10 most misinterpreted scenes ever. end ID.

gate agent said “infants under 2 now welcome to board” and then after a pause said “but please bring your parents with you” and i’m so sleep deprived i can’t stop giggling

-- an anonymous pastor in 1864, on the greatest threat to young women

DERRY GIRLS 3.01 The Night Before

“Excuse me… who are you?”

Sometimes you cautiously crack open the door for a second and watch alien conspiracy theorists talk and they’re like “this ancient drawing is a diagram of DNA” and then they show the drawing and it’s of two snakes fucking

There’s drawings all over the world of snakes doing a fuck because fertility symbolism and whatnot and a spiral makes for a good design but alien obsessed grandpas who have never seen snakes having sex before in their lives will point very hard at the snake sex and say it’s a double helix or whatever it must be aliens.

No my friend. You just need to get out more. Maybe you’ll see some snakes in the wild making some sweet twisty snake love and get some perspective on the world.

Twisty twisty it is not a DNA strand

brb me and the guys playing clash of clans on one of these bad boys

“Leave the Leaves” editorial illustration I neglected to post

the pinterest number glitch continues to be hilarious

having a friend that’s as insane about The Character as you is great because you can say something like “he’s so chewable” and not only will they agree, they’ll say something equally as insane like “he’s like children’s medicine”

The first time I took acid my friend and I were trying to make a ranked list of different divination methods and number one on the list was “you already know the information”