care for some soup?

Mods? Take him to the stump of his favorite childhood tree.

Mods, make him busy during a friends planned trip so he misses out on the new inside joke.

Mods… change the smell of his parents house.

look boss, our quarterly "subjection to the brutalities of the Absurd" budget is almost blown already. can we not just shoot this one twice in the back of the head and call it a day?

Shoots you in the clit with a nerf dart

one of my earliest video game memories was my neighbor from down the street burning me a copy of Roller Coaster Tycoon onto a CD and giving it to me for free, with the caveat that one day a week he would sit behind me and backseat game HARD. like "build this here, okay now build this here, no not there, HERE, okay now make a path here," etc etc. i never minded it at the time, i genuinely had no idea how to play so i thought he was teaching me. years later i learned that him and his family were Orthodox Jewish and him backseat gaming me was his way of getting around the Sabbath ban on playing video games

watching a video on brewing Mesopotamian beer and look at this orange man (his ass cannot guard the barley)

slander! Did any potentates steal the barley on his watch????

They did not.

Cross my heart and rub my tummy, lick my lips and eat a yummy

everybody wants to rule the world

A+ weird little dude, but I'm equally fascinated by the choice of music.

*unmutes*

Notes:

What the fuck does the back end of this website look like

Say you'll stay with me blogging until the horse poll closes

hey everyone "I" have something to show "you"

Dang it Beans you get back here and say that out loud!!!

Shout out to the doctor who responded with complete sincerity when I (on anesthesia) uttered the phrase “chat are we cooked” in her medical professional vicinity. You’re such a real one for that fr fr

i think we've done a great job expanding the view of what a child's favorite animal can be. kids these days can say they love axolotls or pangolins or coelecanths and their decision is respected. maybe their parents can even find them a stuffed animal of it if they know where to look. and i think that's beautiful

if you want butterflies, you need to live with caterpillars.

i am not being metaphorical, i work in a garden center, stop buying plants 'to bring in the bees and butterflies' and then immediately poisoning every caterpillar that dares to consume a single leaf

you will not get butterflies if you kill all the things that turn into butterflies! what are you doing!

getting a lot of responses to this going 'ok but it would be good as a metaphor though' so I will accept a metaphorical interpretation as long as you ALSO (!) promise to be considerate towards larval forms of insects specifically and biodiversity in general, deal?

you could spell it like horce

​yhis is blatantly untrue and im so sick of people spreading harmful misinformation like this. nobody could ever do this

yhis is blatantly TRUE and im so APPLE of people spreading HELPFUL information like this. you can do this

how pets are named

Holly -> Hollywood -> L.A. -> Los Angeles -> Angel -> Snow Angel -> Snowgirl -> Frosty the Snowgirl -> Frosty -> Ice Cream -> Soft Serve -> Little Softy -> Microsoft -> Microsoft Word -> MS Word -> Miss Word -> Miss W -> Mrs. Dubya -> Mrs. George W. Bush -> Mrs. Bush -> Mrs. Busch's Baked Beans -> Mrs. Beans -> Mrs. Mr. Bean -> Mistress Beans (in a British accent) -> Beans On Toast -> B.O.T. -> Bot -> Botulism -> Botulizzy -> Lizzy -> Big Lizzy -> Large Lizard -> L.L. -> LL Bean -> Mrs. Large Lizard Bean -> Mrs Large Lizard Beans On Toast W. Bush the Snowgirl -> Girl

unclean = adj. of or pertaining to uncles

If Funko Pops weren't evil enough they once shut down itch.io for a little bit