And it's like that every time....

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giving increasingly loud sighs as I wait for my crush to ask "what's wrong?" so I can say I'm in a state of depression unless I can touch someone's boobs with no bra

I stop once I start getting short of breath

[Your crush, on the phone to someone unseen] Yeah I think she needs to be put down, her breathing-- yeah I know it can be a problem for her breed, but it's getting really bad.

I'M NOT A DOG??????

[clearly less interested now] Oh.

wait! au au

[walking over the distant horizon, towards the West]

AU AU!!! AU AU!!!!! 😭

I think we should figure out what age we’re living in now so we can say how it’s collapsing to each other

Our age of plastics is collapsing

Our age of information is collapsing! *remembers generative AI, nods to self* our age of information is collapsing.

Portals to Hell by hrmphfft

IT’S BACK

I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO FIND THIS AGAIN FOR MONTHS

I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW

ITS BACK 

This is one of those posts that you need to save and tag or you’ll never see it again for 84 years.

it’s from 2013 with 2.4mil tags how the fuck have i not seen it before?!?!?

Portals to hell? I haven’t heard that name in years

Reblog if you ship the world’s top two sexiest women! 👑🌹

polyamory win

to be clear, this is because each of them loves her husband and would see no reason to break off a marriage in order to have a lover. Kermit and Gomez would be supportive and understanding.

kermit and gomez are fucking also

im cryingg thank y mr henson

Jim Henson drew the first sketch and was like "yeah that's fine"

and he was right!!!

how does this have so much of kermit's essential hand in a sock energy when there isn't even a hand or a sock yet

runrunrunnn lil guy!!!!!!

i wanted to try traditional animation for a while and heres a cute little guy inspod by sonnyelim ; 3 and here are the seperate frames as well

every couple of years there's a new superhero movie that will have many people telling you "no I know marvel is bad but this one is different, it's really good!" stay vigilant. it's gonna be bad

I'm still amused when I think of last summer when a coworker said, "Oh, bullshit, you are not," when I mentioned that I was 43.

Phenomenal spare wheel cover I walked past the other day

one of the funniest conversations I ever had with my ex was when they were still getting used to Celsius and asked me "what's 20 degrees?" and instead of converting it, I said "it's the highest your dad will ever let you set the thermostat and when you say you're cold he tells you to put on another sweater, we're not made of money" and they went "oh, 68"

the fact that this reference was that fucking precise was something they went on to tell people about for years.

I booted my old laptop to find a file and was once again dealt immediate psychic damage by my desktop wallpaper

I open this thing just infrequently enough that it catches me woefully off guard every single fucking time

great work everyone hit the bathhouse

The funniest thing about how maids are depicted in a certain kind of fiction is that, like, at least half the time the people who ostensibly own the place don't even really seem to want them to be there? It's often genuinely unclear who their actual employer is, or whether they're getting paid at all – it's like looking at a universe where if you build a fancy enough house, maids just show up, like rats.

Imagine such a universe. And they immediately begin setting everything in order the way they please.

Because they show up any place suitably fancy, they show up in the wizard's tower and start organizing the books and cleaning out the cupboards of reagents. Even dungeons that have too much class run the risk of attracting a small pack of maids who'll clean the place up and make it- shudder- livable. Totally ruins the use of a dungeon.

Nobody hires them. Nobody lets them in. But once a pack of maids are established, you can't be rid of them. The ones inside let in others. Money or goods disappear like a hidden tax. Carefully hoarded supplies get turned into fancy meals and clothes, whether they were supposed to be used that way or not. Every barracks is as plain as possible to try to avoid summoning such a curse.

The wizard who lives in a leaky hut on stilts might be miserable in wet weather, but at least he knows that the dragon dung for his experiments won't get thrown out with the garbage.

This is a simple matter of harmonious methods of coexistence having been neglected. The vast majority of maid packs (or "staffs") are not in fact wild, but feral, and are comparatively easy to re-domesticate if you know what you're doing. Why else do you think they're called "domestic servants"?

But maids require enrichment. You don't have to worry about space — a staff will generally only move into an area that's already large enough for its needs — but they still want to feel useful. They need ingredients for meals and materials for clothing, but if these are provided and it is clearly communicated which stores contain the supplies they need, they will be absolutely meticulous about sticking to them. Managing such matters is easier if you can promote one of your maids to Cook or Butler: these senior positions in a staff server vital regulatory functions in keeping the rest of the staff from either becoming bored (which can cause them to get inventive in undesired ways) or overtired (which can cause internal conflict). A settled staff will either promote its own senior members, or ask you to make the selection. If you can achieve both, so much the better: a well-matched Cook and Butler pair can be among the most potent organising forces on forty-five planes of existence. Note that, in smaller staffs, a Housekeeper may arise instead of a Cook, but is perfectly capable of performing most of the same jobs. Lack of Senior Staff is the number one cause of maid friction. If items are being misfiled or moved from day to day, this is a result of not allowing your staff to spawn seniors.

Learning to live with a staff certainly comes with a period of adjustment may make your dungeon livable, yes, but they were bred to serve the aristocracy and as such have an innate understanding that some living areas are meant to be fancier than others — so show them that some areas are for residents, some for staff, some for guests, and some for prisoners and they will maintain each accordingly. Maids are also capable of being effective dungeon guards, being naturals at observation and stealth. They won't be overpowering prisoners or intruders, but they are perfectly able to trap them and you may even find your staff developing rare "battle-maid" variants.

Your reagent cupboards will be cleared out, yes, but if you put a sheet out nearby with a heading such as "reagent inventory" then you will find that rather than thrown out they will instead be organised, and you'll get a list detailing exactly how much of which reagents you have in stock, too. You're worried about your dragon dung being tossed? Have a quick word with a maid and ask for a container to keep it in. Don't expect to be presented with such a thing — rather, within a day or two you'll walk into your workshop and find that a dragon dung bin has quietly been installed, labelled, and filled.

Valuables going missing is a concern. Labour must be rewarded and maids know this as well as any human. The trick here is to either leave a labelled pay packet out regularly or, if you've managed to obtain a Butler or Housekeeper, speak to them directly and explain how to draw from your designated treasury. (Look, you're of a social stratum to be maintaining a mansion, castle, or arcane tower. You have a treasury, even if you don't realise it yet. You may have to ask your Butler to oversee its organisation in the first place, though.)

In short: once a pack of feral maids moves into your property, yes, they are difficult to get rid of — but treat them well and you'll never want to.

if you are a child or teen on this platform you may get valuable information from heeding these words:

avoid the big fish in this pond. do not seek to become one. avoid the fandom aunts, the "big name fans", the One Discord Server.

consider that how someone treats the people they despise and whether you're brave enough to disagree with them, should they turn that conduct on you. and if it requires a significant amount of bravery to think about telling them they've been a bastard, you may want to reconsider being in that relationship.

there will be people on here who will suicide bait you for being happy. they are very sad people and it is not your job nor your responsibility to engage with them. it's up to them to decide to do differently.

try to decouple your sense of self-worth from metrics. the number can never go up enough. i have a project that's >90% positive feedback and over 200,000 downloads and that does nothing for me on my day to day. it's nice if other people like the thing, but it's worth examining why you're creating and sharing in the first place and figuring out what you actually want.

do not treat the dsm like a holy text that must never be questioned

do not go in on sexual or gender identity based taxonomics

do not be cruel to people you deem lesser than you

remember that you can practice and improve pretty much any skill, and there's no such thing as unskilled labour

my horsey :)