do the wave! ignore the pervert.
my favorite specific brand of tumblr posts are the ones about touching the stove
they are like lovers to me
an addition from bsky
I'm out of weed so I have to smoke thw one that makea me scared
You7 are doing some Cocomelon shit to me

a guy shoots at me with a sniper rifle and I catch the bullet in my teeth and eat it, but he saw that coming and put poison in the bullet, but I saw that coming and drank an antidote ahead of time, but all those weird chemicals still give me a really bad kidney stone a few days later and I pass out from pain and crash my car into, by pure coincidence, the sniper
people who are obsessed with IQ would buckle if there was a number associated with how pleasant you are to interact with
seeing strange fetishes im not into on my dash is like observing an edible herb on a walk. Hmm. someone wise ☝ could make use of this... but i shan't 👴
you paint such a beautiful picture with your words anon thank you
i had a twisted dream this morning when my alarm tried to wake me up where jeff goldblum said 'Actually if you sleep a bit Longer you'll have More time to get ready It's called the Goldblum's Law and it works just go back to sleep' and i believed him and i overslept
hey boss sorry im late. i got Goldblumed
i hate this stupid fucking video my girlfriend keeps playing it when we’re sharing comfortable moments of silence and it’s ruined by this stupid fucking orange slut getting water boarded by toothpaste
LETS GET ONE THING CLEAR, I CAN HANDLE THE SINS OF MAN ALL BY MY SELF OKAY!?
okay google, how do i save a video to my phone forever




