Okay, I'll go and visit your doll collecting friend IF you can promise me that the dolls aren't secretly people. Don't laugh, I'm not being ridiculous. This is the fourth friend with dolls we've visited and they always turn out to be people. I'm not exaggerating! There was the little kid who shrunk people down and put them in her dollhouse, there was the old woman with the porcelain doll collection that were all haunted with the spirits of dead people, there was your cousin whose action figures came to life -- yes that last one counts! I don't care if the action figures weren't previously human, coming to life as thinking feeling beings makes them people!

Honestly this is getting to be a bit much. If the dolls are gonna be people again, tell me. I'm starting to think I'm not ready for this level of friend visitation commitment. I'm beginning to regret starting to date you so soon after my previous boyfriend mysteriously disappeared on the very day that you started your funko pop collection.

For the last time I'm not being a hypocrite. My labubus aren't people. I put the souls of my previous pets in there so that they can live forever. Kitty cats are not people.

And I didn't bring up your friend whose pokemon cards manifest actual pokemon when played because frankly I'm not familiar enough with the franchise to make that judgement. Especially after he got rid of the smiling little man.