Library window and green line ⊹ ࣪ ˖
pairing : stanford!sam winchester x reader
summary : hooking up with your classmate didn't actually make things awkward. you're still study buddies, hang out together, and it's fine, until you end at his place once more. and once more.
warnings/tags : MDNI, smut. study buddies to lovers, angst (just a little), non-sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy, pet names, make out, dry humping, you talk him through it, cursing, sam puppy agenda keeps going, self-insert, no mentions of y/n. (and brief mention of alex and claire <3)
notes : thank you all very much for liking my stanford sam!!! <3 it made me really happy and definitely pushed me more to get back into writing!! im feeling more at ease with this pt2 so it's even more fun for you and me!! enjoy <3
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The huge windows in the library never failed to amaze you. The building was actually holding so much space and those windows were bringing so much light and life. The architecture around it was even more breathtaking and it always made studying feel so far from a chore.
You were sitting by one of those windows that looked directly out onto the garden–at a desk right next to it, covered with your books.
You spot a long-haired black girl on the bench who you remember from one of your classes last semester. She's studying to become a nurse, if you're not mistaken, and is also working as a nursing assistant at the hospital near the school. You interacted only a few times with her back then but she was always really nice and sweet to you. Another girl is sitting next to her too, a long blonde-haired one. You're not even sure she's pursuing a course here, but you've seen them often hanging out together. They're sisters apparently. And the blonde girl always looks so cool. She always has that perfect curly hair as well as a leather jacket and some really nice boots that you'd sure like the reference of. She absolutely looks like a Barbie biker.
A small smile appears on your face at the sight of them and you get back to your book when a drink is placed next to your hand.
It makes you look up at the voice. “Oh hey, you!” You mouth a thanks for the drink. “What happened? You’re early today.” You say with a teasing grin.
The said person fakes an upset eye-roll and sits on the chair in front of you. “Ha. ha. Very funny. I’ll have you know that I actually am not always late. Whatever.”
“Sure sure, and whatever helps you sleep at night, Sammy.”
Sam rolls his eyes once more but gets his stuff out of his bag anyway.
You push your books a bit aside and get your laptop and your notebook ready. “Alright, so what do you have for today?”
He stops in his motion and sighs. “You know.. Finals..”
Sam gets his laptop on the desk and immediately drops his head in his arms.
Being a student majoring in law was sure a thing, but the law exams were sure a whole other thing. He once already shared a bit of the struggle about it so you can just imagine how he must've been feeling recently.
Sam loves what he is studying. But damn you really have to keep the hard work up.
And you know he's definitely capable, because Sam is a really great student and doesn't have to prove anything to anyone anymore. Except to the examiners, of course. It seems like it's putting a lot of pressure on him.
“It’s alright, you know your things and you're gonna work on them and we're gonna make them stick to your big brain, okay?”
This made him get a breathy laugh out of him.
You look at his hair and his shoulders for a second before continuing to speak, “And we can grab some food when we're done.”
Sam eventually looks up and nods. “Oh you,” he points at you, “you definitely know how to motivate me.” You both smile at this and he finally opens his laptop, not before letting out another sigh.
You both took the Friday-afternoons-studying-meetings pretty seriously actually.
You finished your project, well-done finished it, and ended this class with a nice comment from your teacher as well as a very pleasing grade on the paper. You guys were so happy, and glad, and relieved that all the efforts you made and all the time you spent on it have been rightfully rewarded.
You and Sam really made a great team and pushed each other to be the best you can be.
Because, contrary to what one might think, the stormy winter night didn't make things weird between you two.
Sure! It had been fun, and, a very appreciated time. But you both agreed that it had been some sort of ‘two friendly and consenting grown adults assisting each other when the moment was needed’ situation. And that ‘it shouldn't stop you from hanging out together'. And that it was totally ‘okay’.
You actually thanked each other the next morning. Sam thanked you. First. Of course.
And you can't lie when you say you were a bit taken aback by how easily and normally he was taking the situation. I mean, he was right, there was nothing wrong with what happened. Really not.
Hooking up with one of your classmates, at said classmate’s room, however, was honestly not your usual go-to Friday night.
You had eaten a quick breakfast this morning before getting yourself back home, though not before Sam insisted that you text him once you got back safe. You only went to get your bike back once the weekend was over.
And what can you say? Things just happened like that.
Sam didn't start to act like a stranger in the hallways, and you surprised yourself to be relieved of something you didn't even know you were being worried about.
Because the truth is, you ended up really liking Sam. Actually.
Spending time with him was always great. You started to notice you were way less over in your head, more focused on the present, what was happening before your eyes, like watching Sam trying to explain some part of his course.
You liked how that made you feel.
And, well, obviously you liked the intimate part.
You were just glad that Sam seemed to have stayed Sam. Glad too that he acted and managed the situation the way he did, because you’d have probably gotten all awkward and avoidant on your own.
Again, impulses like that truly are not your usual motto.
So when he asked if it was okay with you to keep your study afternoons a thing, you couldn't help the easy smile that formed on your lips.
The habit that he picked up a few months ago of bringing two drinks to you guys didn't stop, either. And it felt nice. You and Sam just fell into another simple rhythm over the last few weeks and it felt good to have that sort of stability.
Today's study afternoon was not any other easy one and you decided that you really did deserve some food. You opted for a truck around campus that made well-known tasty burgers, like, that sauce? Man, chef kiss.
The meal went smoothly. You were at ease with each other and you surely didn't miss the opportunity to laugh at Sam’s face when a too-big bite made him lose half the ingredients of his burger. You're also pretty sure that the truck guy slipped a quick snort behind his hand at the scene.
Pretty fair, as a spectator too this was a very funny scene for you. Poor Sam.
But he did get a free portion of fries as compensation for his heartbroken stomach, though. That, he liked.
You took a small walk around campus after that, crossing paths with the campus cat. He was always super friendly and demanding of caresses and Sam didn't spare a moment before crouching down to pet him. After saying bye-bye to the kitty he walked you back to the storage where your unfamous-famous bike was waiting for you. He wished you a good night, to be safe on the roads, a hand on your shoulder lingering a second too long, and waited for you to be completely out of his sight to turn back heels and head back home.
Tonight too you did end up staring at your wall, once again.
You barely saw Sam in the hallways the next week. It made you tick a bit, because he has his schedule and you have yours, but again, you usually ran into each other between those walls. It quickly became a habit for you two. You no longer share a class together so it's nice knowing you still kept a bit of a bond despite not being project partners anymore.
It really did appease your heart, honestly. You and Sam didn't have the same major, at all, so keeping the Friday meetings was a really nice offer and it did help you both make a bit more time to study, calmly.
We’re mid-week and okay yeah, you're surprised you’ve not seen Sam yet.
You could text him. Actually.
You do have his phone number now.
But.. Would it be okay though?
You don't want to push. Or seem clingy. Hell no.
But, well, you can't lie that you're worried, just a bit.
And it wouldn't hurt, you know, just making sure, checking in. Because he's your friend, and you care about him.
You stare empty for a moment.
Okay. Alright. It's just a text, it's fine.
Neither you nor Sam is much of a texter actually. Just, for basics, and it seems like it was not much needed between you two anyway. That's in fact pretty okay because again, something with Sam feels very not-forced, and tranquil.
You let out a sigh, wet your lip out of habit, and eventually get your phone out of your pocket to open the conversation.
Your fingers stay still for a few seconds, thinking about what you could type. Again, no pressure. It's chill. Yay.
Hey there, how u doing? Didn't seem to catch you in the hallways the last few days so im just checking in :)
Alright, alright. That's good.
You see your screen lights up. A reply arriving way faster than you were expecting–you were not expecting any to be honest.
Oh hey! Thx for doing that, that's actually super kind of you. Um, I think I got sick, haha.. No big deal though! just been trying to rest lol.
Oh boy what?? You sure you fine? I can bring you some medicine or some food if u need.
No no I’m fine I swear! I really am. It's nothing serious, i've just been tired yk :/ I’m actually recovering already, i've got stacks of painkillers or stuff for a potential fever :D
Alright… you better keep taking care of yourself okay? And don't forget to drink a ton of water ! ! !
Ma’am, yes ma’am I’ll make sure of it ! ! ! But seriously, thank you for checking in, it's always nice to know ppl care about you :)
You heard your teacher enter the classroom and briefly gave the room a glance before typing again.
Wtv, hope you'll be better soon and that we'll be able to see each other next friday (–.– )
We can still meet this week yk??
You sure? you'll be okay??
Duh! Imma a big boy what do you think!
If you say so -_- do you want me to meet at yours maybe?
Wow. Okay. You didn't plan to say it like that but it's, okay! Gosh.. why talking to a boy has to be this knot-in-the-gut feeling. Ugh.
I was actually thinking abt asking you the same. Not feeling much abt going out or to the library tbh, that'd be nice! I hope it's fine for you :,)
You can't see but I gave you a big eye roll rn. Ofc it is. See u on friday then!
You stared at your screen a little while longer. Well, it was pretty unusual not seeing Sam around the campus so you’re actually glad you checked up on him.
Also, you're going back to his place.
Well, that, you didn't plan either.
It really seems like you can never anticipate or predict anything when it comes to Sam. Damn.
You let out a little sigh and give yourself a nod. But you're glad, too. You're happy you're seeing him again, and also that you'll be there if he feels sick again.
You're glad you can be here to care for him.
And behind his screen, Sam is too. For a quick second, it made him feel all warm and fuzzy over his little chest to know that you were thinking about him and texted him.
Loneliness isn't much fun, especially when you're practically forced, like this, to spend time with your own self. That's why Sam hated being sick. He had to learn how to care about himself before learning how to take care of himself. Even before anyone could start worrying about him.
And it felt like he was starting to see just a light, shining very brightly and vividly next to his own little light.
Sam smiled to himself before taking another sip of one of those horrendous sick-curing drinks with god knows what herbs in it. “Eurk. Gosh.” He shook his head and scrunched his nose before diving back into his notebook.
A knock on the door made Sam jerk his head out of the bathroom, toothbrush still in his hand.
“M’comin!” He shoots from where he is standing before quickly rinsing his mouth.
He rushes to his door and finally opens it to you. “Hey, you.” He says softly, his eyes landing on you.
Oh, that sweet smile. You missed it.
“Hey, big guy. How are you feeling today?” You ask while coming in, patting him sympathetically on the shoulder and Sam is closing the door behind you.
“Uhm, I'm fine I think.” You walk over to the table, putting down your bag. “At least I'm definitely feeling better than on Monday, that's for sure, so I guess that's a big win. I'm still drinking that awful herbs-y drink or whatever it is, just in case you know. And, oui, I do drink a lot of water too.”
You let out an amused huff at the clarification and smile proudly.
“Damn right I am.” He playfully gave you a nudge back to the shoulder and you rolled your eyes.
He then offered you something to drink, other than his medicinal monstrosity, thankfully, and you both settled back at the foot of the bed. The same spot you were a few weeks ago. Yep.
It just feels kind of comfy alright. And the carpet under you is actually nice too so, okay.
You both get your laptops on the coffee table, side to side, shoulder-to-shoulder already brushing, barely. Sam seems to be working on some big chapter of his course. Yikes. Big fish indeed.
“You kept studying all week?” You ask, wondering if he ever rested.
“Well, it's not like I could afford not to.” He pinches his lips together. “I did manage to rest, got knocked out by exhaustion. But yeah no I kept working. This is some serious stuff I must remember for the finals so I had to make the most of it.”
“Damn Sam, you really are a workaholic.”
“Hey! I’m good at what I’m doing, okay! I’m great even.” He puffed out his torso and grinned, teasing.
“Alright alright, Mister Sexy-Big-Brain. You still gotta take care and not strain yourself too.”
Sam gives you a quick nod. “I know I know, I told you I’m a big guy I can handle the sick-me.”
“Hmm.” You throw at him a fake-suspicious look, squinting your eyes. “You better watch out, I've got my eyes on you Mister Big-Guy.”
You mimicked two fingers going from your eyes to his and you actually succeeded in making a genuine laugh come out of him. Laughter was so communicative you dropped the act in an instant to join him.
“Oh man, I’ll make sure I behave correctly then I got it.”
You lightly punched his arm, just to keep the playfulness up. “Yeah, you better.”
Sam shakes his head, a warm smile still on his face and he sits back properly, ready to work on what looks the closest to Hell for you.
You hear him let out a breathy chuckle before you can even open your laptop.
“You did say you thought I was Sexy.”
“Geez Sam!” You let your head fall backward on the bed and cover your face with your hands. “I did not say that. Not exactly. Not really at least.”
He's laughing out loud. “I know I knowww, but it's fun, I'm just teasing. I'd just have to admit I did like the Sexy-Big-Brain Me idea.”
You sighed with your shoulders, glancing at him from the side. “Of course you did.”
The laughter slowly but softly died down in the room as you two started to focus on the work and studies you must be doing.
The current atmosphere felt great, and for the first time you were seeing this room, his room, basked in this very nice mid-afternoon light. It contrasted with the snowy and gloomy day from last time and made the room feel different.
You don't even feel as nervous as you once were, here, at this exact same place. The unknown-first time of anything is always pretty nerve-wracking. And especially if it's about a boy. Fair. But, you've been accustomed to each other's presence since then, and it's so good to finally be able to enjoy your time without relentlessly spinning in over your head.
The day is well underway by now and you've scattered notes and books on the floor, making it easier for you to navigate through.
The sun has already come to settle between the buildings, playing with the green line, but not so yet. It’s generous enough to give you guys a little more of its unwavering burning flows. And you appreciate it.
You're getting yourself another glass of water when you hear Sam actually groaning and it makes you turn over.
His facial expression is twisted when he realizes you're talking to him.
“I'm just–I’m feeling extra tired today I guess. I mean, I've managed to keep the pace up over the week but I fear it's playing on me now.”
You come back to sit next to him, observing and analyzing his face, the tension in his shoulders and certainly in his neck too.
He stays still for a moment, his eyes closed and his hair ruffling the slightest on the bedcover.
You're still looking at his face and you can't help the corner of your lips dropping a bit. It saddens you to see him in that state. He always works so hard and so diligently and he gives his studies genuinely the most of his time.
You can see his torso rising. Every muscle in his face seemed tense, especially his jaw, and he got his fists closed, too.
It must be so damn frustrating for him.
But it's clear that his body is signaling him to do something, to take a break, to rest, or to take a damn whole hour bath or whatever. He needs to slow down, now.
“You need anything?” You try, tentatively, gently.
It makes his face relax almost immediately, for a split second and his whole body moves when he snorts. “No, thanks though.” He pats your hand that stayed close to him on the floor, making sure you don't take his answer as a way to push you away.
“Maybe you'd like a hot chocolate, you know, to save you from whatever you’ve been having these days now.”
His whole body laughs, a little, and he eventually re-opens his eyes.
“Now that you mention it, I’m practically certain that a hot chocolate is actually the cure I need, ohh my god.”
“Haha, right. I know, hot choco is always the best.”
He nods, “Hm hm, that is very true.”
You chew on your lips while trying to think of something, anything that could help Sam soothe his inner pain, even just for a bit.
“I.. could maybe cook you something..?” The words fade in your mouth as soon as you say them. Even yourself, you're not sure of that.
He peeks at you from the corner of his eyes, a brow arched. “That's something you do?”
You look behind him, at the window, your mouth slightly agape before looking back at him, your lips flatlining in defeat and shaking your head.
His shoulders giggle for him. “That's what I thought.”
“Hey, what? You're no witch or anything like that, there's not much you can do and there’s no need for you to feel sorry. Don't worry, I'll be fine, I am fine. As I said it's just the chaotic week catching up on me, it's alright.”
“No but,” you let out a sigh, “I really wish I could help you, you know, do just a little thing. But I don't have any doctor-y knowledge nor any cooking skills to serve you. I only know how to like, perfectly pluck eyebrows, and give massages, I guess.” You're rolling your eyes when you say it.
Sam turns his head to you. “You know how to do that you?”
You give him a shrug. “Well, yeah, my mom used to work as a beautician and she shared some stuff with me from time to time. It was pretty useful actually.” Your eyes drift away, smiling, thinking of the memories.
“That's actually pretty cool, hey.”
The silence smoothly settles in between you two and your smile hasn't left your lips when an idea crosses your mind. It comes as quickly as it leaves and you try your best not to blush when you’re daring to grab the thought back.
You chew on your lips, again, wetting them, and nibbling at your own cheeks inside your mouth.
“I could..” You start. “I could give you a massage, if you'd want of course.”
You see Sam’s eyes growing twice bigger in a snap of a finger, staring at the ceiling.
“I mean, you know, try to release some knot-tension in your shoulder surely, and your upper back. Even your lower back, if you feel anything, I know it can fall to the lower part sometimes.”
Sam hasn't said a word yet and you're immediately feeling goosebumps rising on your skin. The doubt, that you must surely have crossed a line there, established itself in the cracks of your chest.
Your body starts to move around, trying to physically balance the panic creeping in on you right now.
“You know what, haha, forget it.” You shrug, trying to play it cool, nonchalant. “That was kind of dumb of me you know, I’m not even that good at it, it's just something my mom showed me, what? Once or twice. Pfft.”
“What?” You snapped your head so fast it's like you almost got whiplashed.
“...The massage. I think that would do me some good, actually.”
“Uhm.. yeah right, absolutely.”
Stupid you. You'll think about it twice next time before you say anything stupid like that again.
Now you have to deal with it.
He's moving now, positioning himself in front of you, back at you. You're still both sitting on the floor, you have your back against the bed and Sam is waiting there, patiently, in front of your legs, tall torso and broad shoulders right before your eyes.
“Wouldn't.. wouldn't it be more comfortable for you to lie on your stomach, like, on your bed?”
“I'm gonna fall asleep the second I properly hit my bed.”
“Is it okay for you? Me sitting like that?” He turns his head to the side, checking with you.
“Oh yeah no sure, you're fine, don't worry.” And you actually gulp. “We will mostly focus on the upper part, as I said.”
“Alright ma’am, I'm all yours.”
That's a new low, even for you Sam.
Sam had taken his shirt off for the massage. You had an entire new stars-filled territory in front of you and it kind of made you lose the very little confidence you had before.
You get your hands closer to his body, and you can actually feel the heat radiating from him. You're not even touching him yet. And you can feel it right under your palms, flowing through your arms to the back of your neck.
“Alright.” It's more of a murmur to yourself than anything else.
The next second your hands are on him. You see him slightly jerking at the touch, just out of instinct. And you start pressing.
You know your rodeo, you used to do it often for your mom when she’d come back from work, or your friends even. You had magical hands, they said.
It takes you literally a few seconds to find the spots and press just right. And man is he tensed.
“Damnit Sam, try to relax a bit.”
“Hey, I’m trying my best there.”
You keep pressing, intently, and you focus on his shoulder blade first. You can feel it right under your fingers and you let your eyes travel. You stare first at his neck, his hair coming to meet right at the junction and his head is titled down.
Instinctively, one of your hands comes to grab his chin from behind and gently lift up his head.
“Keep it up for me Sam, it’s gonna be useless otherwise.”
You hear him instantly choke on his breath and, in a blink, you feel a strong shiver running down his spine, under your contact. It makes a shiver run a sprint right down your own spine.
You bite your bottom lip in your next breath and for a quick moment you close your eyes, trying your best to re-focus. You swallow. It's hard.
For the next few minutes, you push any intrusive or misplaced thoughts that may come to your mind. If the soft breaths you're hearing from Sam right now are anything, it seems that what you're doing is actually working.
“You still with me? You okay?”
He mumbles something, nodding. You’re moving next to his vertebral area now, and he arches his back.
You don't answer and try not to think much about Sam being sensitive here.
And God knows where else.
Your little session kept on going on for a few other minutes and Sam let out a one deep sigh when it finished.
“Like, wow, I feel like a new man.”
You chuckle and shrug a bit. “I told you my mom handed me over some pretty useful skills.” You wiggle your fingers, plastering a proud smile on your face.
“Thanks a lot by the way.” He’s getting up, stretching. “That may help me sleep better tonight, at least I hope.”
“I sure hope so too. I know working is important to you but you also have to take care of yourself, Sam.”
He's looking down at his feet, almost shy. “I know, thank you too for doing that so for me.”
You give him a bigger smile this time and look out at his window. “I should probably head back home already.”
He looks up at you and nods, “yeah of course, thanks again, for coming, and keeping me company, and for..” he trails a bit, “you know, the massage. That was nice.”
You're feeling the blush climbing right on your cheeks right now and try to calm it down.
He walked you to his door, a hand just inches from your lower back, and smiled you goodnight.
That night you went back home and took a hell of a long shower.
The following week flew by and you're meeting again this afternoon with Sam to study. His finals dates are coming up soon if you remember correctly and he's working twice as hard now. He recovered just fine, by the way. He texted you over the weekend, saying that he actually listened to you and properly rested. He said he had the longest night he ever had after you left. You chuckled at that when you received his text.
Also.. You couldn't help but think about what happened last week. Maybe, twice, or thrice over the last few days. It's a bit hard to process, okay, you were not expecting this lowkey non-sexual sort of intimacy thing to happen between you two. Weirdly enough your heart has beaten way harder last Friday than during.. whatever you two did.. a few weeks ago.. And that says a whole lot !
You're trying your best to be normal and remain sane, but you can remember the heat right there under your palms. And the little sounds he was making.
Because he was feeling good, better. You were making him feel good. And that thought sends a new shiver through your body, this time right up to your neck and your hair.
If you're honest, yes, this is making you feel kind of nervous. Obviously. But again, Sam is taking the situation so normally that it automatically forces you to ease your own inner self.
You’re on your way to the library, bag on your shoulder and music in your ears when you run into your teacher, from last semester's class. You politely greet him and he congratulates you once more for the work you and Sam provided. He asks how you both have been doing and wishes you the best for the rest of your respective studies.
You arrive at the main entrance of the building when you realize the door won't open. You furrow your eyebrows and look around. You walk a bit along the walls and try to get a look inside and you're taken aback when you see nobody, literally.
You stop your music and get your phone, dialing Sam’s number. You didn't even have to wait for the first ring before he was already answering. You ask over the phone, confused, as to why you couldn't get in. A few seconds of silence passed before Sam announced to you that the library was, in fact, closed today.
“I think there's some kind of public holiday thing if I remember.”
“And you couldn't have told me beforehand??”
“Hey there easy tiger! I didn't know about it until literally a minute ago. I was grabbing my keys when you called, and I checked on the website when you mentioned it.”
You sigh defeated and let your head hang down.
“You can always come by mine if you want, you know.”
Yeah, you know. And you also know that you shouldn't be surprised anymore by this kind of stuff, but it inevitably always does something to you.
You don't think much about it and accept, already heading to Sam’s place before even hanging up.
And he's already waiting at his door, for you, leaning all tall and smiley against the wall when you get there.
“Man.. If I had known I would've stayed home.”
“Like, you'd have taken a single vacation day from working?” He's closing the door behind you and you're already walking to the table. Like usual. Because it seems like you're becoming a regular here.
“Nah, you know I can't pass on revising but at least I wouldn’t have had to get ready to go out you know, and pack a bag and all that.”
“But you would've not seen me, and missed me sooo much a lot and that would've been such a shame. Right?” He's smiling at you like a maniac, his dimples showing, batting his eyelashes at you.
His beautiful doe-like eyes.
“Sure. Whatever.” You grab a glass of water, mostly to distract yourself. But you're moving around the space like you're in your own kitchen, and Sam is just letting you be, watching you.
You try not to think much about it.
The afternoon passes quietly. You're both sitting in your usual spot, working side by side, silently, sometimes mumbling some words from your courses.
It's peaceful. It's quiet.
The silence is not awkward. It never really has been, honestly. It's just you, and Sam, in your own little world. And it hits you way harder than you'd have ever expected when you realize that, it may actually be just what you always wished for. Just being able to be yourself, not pushing and feeling comfortable around someone. You had always found that being in Sam’s presence and spending time with him was soothing you.
As if just knowing that he was right there beside you was healing something inside that you didn't know even existed. That's what Sam was doing to you. That’s what Sam started to mean, to you.
You're staring blankly at your papers when Sam loudly sighs beside you. He has his head tilted, resting in his right palm and he has some sort of uneasy expression on his face. Not very Sam-like.
Your own expression suddenly shifts to something more serious. You move the slightest towards him, leaning just a little to try and catch his eyes. You see him swallow and tentatively take a quick look at you.
He wets his lips, sits up straight, and sighs once more. It looks like he's hesitating.
“It’s..” he starts, crossing his arms, the back of his head resting on the bed behind him. “It’s just, this, all of this. It’s so much. So many things to–to know, to remember. So many things to kind of put into practice but at the same time not so much, you know, because it's just school and we're just learning. A–and it's so important too. I’m literally studying law, people’s trust is literally gonna be on me. That's such a fucking big responsibility. My knowledge and the way I execute things could change someone's life trajectory.” He's venting. His neck looks tense, like his throat is dry and he's looking at the wall when talking, his expression now turning saddened, anxious. “I’m sorry I didn't mean to..”
And you feel your heart breaking just a little hearing how stressed Sam is feeling right now. It’s pretty fair, that's actually a big deal and he's feeling so much pressure. He's putting so much pressure on himself too. He wants to succeed. He wants to be good. To be the best.
He wants to be useful and trusted. So he can finally be acknowledged.
Sam has always been good at standing big and tall and fierce and proud. But you see him literally starting to crumble in front of you, right before your eyes and your hands. And it's painful.
All he is feeling is understandable, and you're breaking for him. It's not fair. He shouldn't have to carry all that weight in his heart.
You're just a few inches from him and you can literally sense his crazy heartbeat right here. His chest is twisting, and twisting.
You're holding back your tears and he's chewing on his lips when you place your hand on his shoulder, empathic, finally looking at him.
He closes his eyes, furrowing his eyebrows and it's like he's on the verge of breaking.
“You know, I’m proud of you Sam.” Your voice comes out way more like a whisper than you intended to.
“I’m proud of you. And I believe in you, so much you have no idea.”
He calls your name, barely like a breath.
“I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, Sam. I really wish you could see yourself the way I see you.” You pause for a second, trying to search for his eyes. “You're literally the sweetest person I may have ever met. I admire how hard-working you always are, how you never fail to be polite and kind, and respectful and you're always the first one there if any help is needed. Sam, you're so good. And you literally have the most charming smile I've seen.”
The last words managed to get a chuckle out of him and in an instant, you're smiling big, feeling the atmosphere relaxing even the smallest.
“But seriously, I really hope you understand what I’m saying. Because I’m not saying that out of pity–I know you'd hate it, or just to be nice,” you shift again, pushing on his shoulder and getting his attention on you, “I truly mean it, Sam, deep from my heart.”
He's looking down, before speaking. “Thank you.” His voice is small.
You pinch your lips, oddly feeling lighter than ever. “And I like being with you.”
And in a blink of an eye he's looking at you. Finally. Properly.
Your facial expression loosens a bit. “You're always making me feel calm. You know, I can easily escape in whatever is happening up here in my head but, unconsciously, you've always managed to keep me down to earth, with you, and real. It has always been easy to be around you, to talk to you, to listen to you. I feel safe with you. And you make people feel seen too. You made me feel seen. You make everything feel quieter when you're near. I can't really explain it, but this is what you do. You bring peacefulness around me, Sam.”
Silence is flowing between you now, and around the room. You don't realize much of what you just did. You didn't really mean it to, like, happen like that? Kind of? It's just, the spur of the moment made you feel brave enough to let out all the things that were being held in your big little heart.
And, oh, it actually feels really great, waw.
You chuckle to yourself and refocus on Sam’s eyes for a second. And he's still looking at you the same way he was before your little speech. The haziness of the situation is creeping up on you in a flash of a second and you start to panic.
You give Sam an awkward smile and start to back off. But you don't even have time to catch your next breath before one of his hands is grabbing the side of your neck and the next very thing you know is your brain processing the touch of lips on yours.
It's sweet, of course. Sam’s lips are not chapped, they're actually really soft and you realize you didn't even notice it the first time. He's moving slow, you feel him trying to take his time with you. He's pouring all of the things he's having in his own very big little heart to you. Words are at a loss at this very second.
Much to your own surprise you actually kiss him back on the very next one. And he's breathing all warm and heavy on your mouth, coming to grab the other side of your neck, making sure you can't go anywhere. He's bringing you closer to him at the same time, making you grab on his damn shirt for support.
You have to break the kiss yourself to finally get some air flowing through your lungs.
“Gosh, Sam.” You're all breathy, and he's too, plastering the same expression he had a few weeks ago on his face.. His glossy eyes are always making it for you.
“You really meant it? All of it?” He's breathy too, his eyes are closed, focused, his forehead on yours.
“I do, I did. I meant all of it Sam, I meant all and everything that came out of my heart.”
He's breathing on your mouth again, agitated. His rumbling heartbeat is taking all over his body and you feel his hands shaking on your sides. The shiver is big this time, it's running across all of your body and makes you flutter your eyes. The anticipation is crazy. And Sam is so fucking warm already.
“Show me.” It's barely a whisper.
“Show me how you mean it. Please.”
You're pretty sure the sound that just came out of you was an embarrassingly loud whimper.
Sam is brushing his lips on yours, not even kissing you, barely kissing you.
“Please sweetheart, baby, please, I need it.”
And you're feeling yourself instantly melting. Fuck.
You try to kiss him again but you're so clumsy. Your brain is so fogged right now and you don't know what to focus on first. You want everything at the same very time. You're feeling completely helpless and you're whimpering even more. It's ridiculous.
You're still just two hot breathy messes and you try to catch his lips again. Sam actually kisses you midway and you're pushing on him even more. Your hands move to his hair, and you grip, tight. You don't pull. Not yet at least. Just gripping.
And you're kissing deep. He's first to push his tongue against yours and ask for entrance. You gladly let him pass and you feel him losing himself in the moment. You can actually taste him on your own tongue. His own hands now move to your back, he's bringing you closer to him, always closer, as if it were even possible.
His palms are all splayed on you and you're pretty sure it's actually taking half of your body. The thought is making you tremble and lose your balance in the kiss. Sam takes advantage of it and backs you against the bed. He has a leg over you now, almost straddling you but not exactly. He moves, urgently, hungry, needy. He leaves your mouth to your throat and the sensation of his saliva on your skin makes your head fall backwards. You breathe hot.
You're still gripping Sam’s hair and he's looking up at you, all big round shiny eyes. Waiting so patiently for you to answer. Shit.
“Yeah, yeah yeah I’m good I swear.”
You breathe hot, again. “Please Sammy be a good puppy and keep your mouth working.”
And you're pretty sure his whole entire body just trembled between your hands and you feel him crumbling on your lap.
His nose finds itself under your jaw, near the junction with your ear, breathing you in. He's still trembling. He breathes, weakly. “Yes.”
You instinctively pat his head, softly, gently. “Good, that's good baby you're good.”
And he's licking at your neck. Like a good puppy. He's licking stripes on your skin, kissing you all wet and loud while his hands travel to your waist, getting under the fabric of your shirt. He's touching all over, mapping your back, your skin, the sensation under his digits. He circles his arms right around your body, like last time, and it brings him impossibly closer to you. He's nestling right against you, all big and warm and shivering.
He's still kissing you when he tries to shift his posture, his hip brushing against you and you actually feel his body stuttering. He's right in the crook of your neck, his head resting on your shoulder, panting. He’s a mess.
You’re scratching his head, slowly, trying to soothe him down, caressing his back too. You give his forehead a soft kiss.
You feel him nodding against you.
“It's better if you use your words, Sammy.”
The hair on his arms is rising and you can actually feel it.
“I-i’m okay. ‘M good.” His voice is small, and you take in the moment to try and calm your own self down a bit.
You've never seen Sam like this. All that pressure, and the tension in his body he was feeling, certainly fighting too, have just released into his actions. And he's looking so pathetic right now. But in the best way possible. He's all relaxed limbs against you, warm, breathy, needy, and kissy. You move your arms to embrace him. You're shorter than him but oddly enough he fits perfectly close to you like this. You press him against you, against your body, chest-to-chest, skin-to-skin and he's gripping on around you even tighter. He's breathing hot in your neck, once more, but it's lighter this time, almost like a relief.
And you two stay a moment like this, intertwined with each other, both of your eyes are closed. All warm and safe.
Sam is slightly shifting, again, and you feel more than you hear some sort of whisper-y strangled noise coming out of his throat.
You shift your own hips, tentatively, and Sam is hissing. “S-Shit.” He loosens his embrace around your body and settles down to your hips, his own anchor point right now. “Sorry.”
He hums but he's not looking at you. You call his name once more but he still isn't looking. So you do what seems the best right now, and buck up your hips.
The reaction is almost immediate. Sam’s body jerks and his head is lolling backwards, gasping for air.
“Sam.” You call him one more time and he tries his best to lock his eyes on you.
You hold your hand and caress his cheek. “Hey, you can use me if you want.”
It's like he's regaining consciousness and he blinks at you. “What.”
You lift your thigh, just a bit, like to demonstrate, and he's gasping for air, once again.
“I’m right here. Right here right there for you,” your hands find his hair, naturally, “you can relax. You deserve it, just let it go. I've got you.”
Sam is biting hard on his lower lip now, shaking in anticipation and want. He wants it. He wants you. For once he can have something he wants. It makes him hesitate for a few seconds.
He's looking intensely at you, searching for maybe a contradicting sign on your face but all he can get is hunger, too.
His eyes turn pleading and he's finally, finally rolling his hips down on you. It's instant. He moans. Loud.
You move your fingers up in his hair, getting your grip back. “It's good, right?”
He nods and you pull his hair, just very slightly. “Words, Sam.” His breath cuts and he swallows his own saliva. “Yes, yes yes.. i-i want, I-I need more.”
“Of course, you've got it, baby. Go for it, I'm here.”
He lets out a plea, like a cry, and presses down on your leg. He must be feeling really sensitive down there by now because the twists his face is doing right now are nothing but art to you.
“That's it, keep it going.”
He's pressing down once more, his nails actually digging in your skin, his sweaty forehead still in the crevice of your neck and shoulder, all against you.
He's getting a rhythm, he's not fast but he's not so slow either because he's burning with wants and he's still as needy as earlier. You're both moaning, your mouth to his hair, breathy, when you travel down your hands to place them on Sam’s lower back. You give it a gentle push, testing.
And God is he loud. It's literally music to your ear. Absolute music. You wish you could record it right now. Just to keep it for yourself.
You keep doing it, very gently, not pushing too much, letting him do most of the work. And to be honest, Sam feels like he's about to go crazy. He still has you between his hands, he's feeling you between his legs, and now his lower back is all warm too. He can't keep it up. Your skin is damp with all his breathing and he's almost drooling.
Fuck. That's one image you're sure to neatly keep in a corner of your head
“Alright, you're almost there baby,” you're encouraging him, now meeting his movements midway, “c’mon, I’m right here, you can let it go for me baby, you can.”
He's rolling his hips down once, twice, and then he's crying, loudly. “That's it Sam, that's it, c’mon let it all go. You did so well.” He's finishing and you can actually feel it through both of your layers. You should feel disgusted. You don't.
Sam is draped all over you now, heavily panting and coming down from his high. You're running a hand over his back.
“You did good Sam, you did really good.”
You feel him nodding against your body, agreeing. “Thanks.”
You chuckle and softly give a slap on his back. “You really gotta stop thanking me when we get intimate.”
Now he's laughing. “Hey, I can't help it if I’m too nice, you know.”
You roll your eyes but you're smiling big and he's caging you in his strong arms, making you balance and fall to the side. He's hugging you like a koala and is still laughing. You can definitely feel him more relaxed. His muscles under your hands are not tensed anymore, the knots at the back of his neck have come undone and the warmth he's radiating is even soothing you.
“I knew you loved it by the way.”
You groan. “Oh my god, Saaam!”
“What! It's the second time we're being all intimate and touchy and I said it and now you said it too!”
“It's just– I just thought you'd surely like it, too.”
Now Sam is grinning at your attempt to explain yourself. “I do.” He gives your neck a freshly new kiss. “I liked the other one too.”
You blink, and it takes you a second to understand what he's talking about. Once you realize he actually meant the ‘puppy’ other one, you instantly feel the heat coming to your cheeks, embarrassed. You're quickly retrieving your hands to hide behind them.
“Haha hey no need to hide, it's alright. I told you I liked it.”
“Yeah yeah no I know, I mean– I got it. It's just, hm, it just came out like this, you know.”
“And it's alright. You did well too, by the way.” He's grinning ear to ear when he sees you getting even more embarrassed. Your chest is about to explode.
He’s gently grabbing your wrists, planting a kiss on each of your palms. “And, just so you know, I feel safe with you too.”
It makes you open your eyes back, staring at Sam, crimson blush still painted on your cheeks and you melt.
It feels good. It feels so good, your heart is so light right now. You look at him, endeared, and you mouth a ‘I like you’. It's barely above a whisper, barely audible and Sam’s smile grows bigger in a second. “I like you too. A lot.”
The confession makes you giggle because the scene looks like you're just two shy teenagers right now. And you're still dirty.
You kiss Sam, deeply, sweetly, and slowly. There's no urgency anymore, the world is still running outside and you spend a few more moments like this, lying on the floor, on the carpet, caressing his hair, feeling his heartbeat against yours.
You guys both eventually get up and get cleaned, Sam is landing you some sweatpants and t-shirt of his, again. And you love it, actually. His clothes feel comfy and soft on you, and above all, they smell like Sam. It's like he's hugging you. You really love it. You’re thinking about borrowing one of his for your own wardrobe, permanently ! Could discuss it hm hm.
You come out of the bathroom after brushing your teeth, and Sam is already lying under the sheets, all relaxed and soft. He looks so cute, like really cute. You walk over there and give his nose a little smooch, it makes him giggle and that's a sound your heart is printing, just for you to remember. His eyes look up at you and he opens big his arms, for you, inviting you in. You happily climb onto the bed, snuggling right into his embrace and Sam takes a deep breath. A real deep breath. Like he finally can properly breathe the moment you're in his arms. You lock your arms on his back and intertwine your legs, your head is safely tucked under his chin. Your chests are one against another and he's running his fingers through your hair, slowly, rubbing his other hand all over your back.
“I really should thank our teacher.”
“What do you mean?” You mumble under your breath, feeling yourself already drifting away by the rhythm of his hands.
“He's basically our wingman you know, somewhat despite himself.”
A few seconds pass before Sam speaks again. “I'm really glad I arrived late too that day.”
“Hm hm. You were the first one in the room catching my eyes, and when I got paired with you I really thought I just got lucky.”
You chuckle softly against his skin. “We do make a great team together.”
He's kissing your forehead before shifting on the bed. He's bringing the sheets back up and making his hold around you better, warmer.
Keeping you closer to his heart.
