un jour je serai de retour près de toi

wearing my sometimes the shit breaks you shirt and i was in the back alley this morning and this little old lady was walking her 3 shih tzus and she told me she liked my shirt

people don’t remember this but in the early 2000s white brunettes and white blondes were treated as something even deeper than different races- they were seen as like animals of two different species locked in a never ending battle for dominance. they were like yin and yang- the blonde was pathos and the brunette logos. it was truly something to behold.

I used to have a shirt that said "blondes have more fun" that I wore while brunette and when random men would say "You're not blonde" I'd reply "I'm also not having much fun"

admittedly that's a very logos thing to do

elm trees my only friend

every tree grabbed my ass and beat me senseless. so much so that my allergist scribbled more trees! and yet the lovely elm cradled and comforted me

today i rang up a customer at work for $13.36 and i said with such genuine cheer "uh-oh! two years before the plague hit England, if anyone cares!" and i watched the customer's eyes as they were clearly taken aback and then tried to pretend to be interested at all. they made such a valiant effort. they were like I don't wanna damper this guy's plague enthusiasm. They said, very awkwardly, "haha, uh-oh!"

let's all say thank you to the ao3 volunteers who i hear are having A Week

happy Thursday the 20th

When I was a little boy, girls used to just do random cartwheels for no reason. Then one day, they stopped. Now that I am a man, no women randomly do cartwheels. This is because society is evil and killed the cartwheel impulse in their soul. They don't even spin horizontally anymore. It's fucked up.

does anybody wanna play toys tomorrow. let's play toys ^_^ (HUGE EYEBAGS UNDER MY EYES)

i keep seeing this cut off but the preceding “yessiree” is vital to it imo

i had to transcribe it

god i love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home

collecting tweets

#vessel alert

that's right

you seem avoidant for a girl who’s so hungry to experience the full breadth of human connection

Total Solar Eclipse © Gijs de Reijke

smoking that shit that made the Miocene epic

my most extreme weirdest kink is being wanted. my tamest kink is knife play