this post was not solely written with regard to my absence on tumblr, but with regard (and remorse) to my absence in my friendships as well.
note: this is coming from someone who’s written 16k word fics in a day, so prepare to read…
I’ve reached a point in my life where I truly believe I owe no one an explanation, so I won’t sit here and ramble on about how busy or tough my life has been. most of you won’t understand or care anyway lmao
on top of this, I forgot my login info to my discord (to those of you I spoke to on there), and haven’t been able to get back into the account. feel free to either contact me here for my new user or … not at all
I didn’t disappear because I hate any of you or don’t value our bond or because I’m a coward. I had to do what was best for me during this time in my life, and admittedly, it’s often easier to just “go off the grid” when life starts pulling at me.
this is a toxic trait of mine, I know.
though, I’m not here to say that anything has changed. I’m still going through these things, and maybe it’s a little stupid or shallow that I miss my friends, knowing that it’s my fault the connection has been stalled in the first place.
heck, I even miss this silly community I was able to build here on tumblr.
while riddled with awkward debauchery and chaos at times, the moments and friendships I’ve built with people I’ve met through this app are irreplaceable.
perhaps some of my friendships won’t reunite with the same fire as before. some of you might not even see this message or care to read it to the end. perhaps this didn’t answer any of your questions and leaves you feeling even more frustrated than before. some of you will embrace me with open arms like sza, some of you will cut me off, and some of you already have.
either way, I respect your feelings towards this post, knowing that I’m a pretty miserable human anyways and don’t deserve much grace :P
truth is I haven’t done my best to stay in touch, and I’ll likely struggle to do so moving forward. it’s hard for me to be there for people when I know I’m struggling. it makes me feel like I need to “fake it,” and I hate pretending with people I care about.
in closing, I hope you all are doing okay. needless to say, y’all are probably enduring your own battles in life, it’s just that some people (like myself) prefer to process or handle these issues in odd ways.
special shout-out to the “nana’s” I’ve met here, as well as the people who hung around the longest despite my radio silence. as well as my supporters and those of you who made me love writing more than I knew possible.
you are truly loved, and I’ll never forget the impact you all had on me.
finally, this is not a sympathy post. do what thou wilt with this information.
best regards, chlorinecake <3
p.s., came back to the internet only to find out heeseung is leaving en fucking hypen ?? literally gna hurl… or kms…
