sort of weird that certain kinds of discourse are produced structurally by the different social networks. not casting shade on the originality of genius viral microbloggers, just noticing that someone always appears to fill a very specific discursive need in each social network.
what does this make me, a social media nominalist or something? i should have spent more time in plato's cave than the bate cave, but oh well, here we are.
there are some men that i tell myself i don't want, and then i dream about them, and i wake up just heartbroken and wildly horny, realising: fuck! i wanted them so much, all along!
shea the bartender was like that. i couldn't look at him after that dream without blushing and my throat constricting. i'll never see him again. but i'll never forget him either.
and last night i dreamed about pete, another paragon i ghosted, and god, pete.
pete!
i think that's why i was so scared of him ultimately, because i wanted him so very much. i didn't really accept my own desires because it seemed like everyone was crazy for pete (everyone *is* crazy for pete, and for lucas too), and so i felt so unworthy, and so unspecial.
last night was a full on high quality arthouse erotic romance in my dream, absolutely impossible, me on top of pete, so happy. and now i'm awake, and the consequences are concatenating, and the whole story is changing in my mind.
i guess this is what kate bush meant when she said "don't ever think that you can't change the past." things happen in relationships, and you think that the story will always be the same, even after things have stopped happening. but the story does change. new realisations, new disclosures from the depths of your own bewildered psyche, eh.
New RAKTA 7"
Second best band I’ve seen play this year.
Mature content
curiously erotic:
¨ caresses on my forearms
¨ tears of longing in the eyes of a lover
¨ sam's voice, and the things he says
¨ feeling weak after a hot bath
¨ the perfume that reminds you of him
¨ the cum-like aftertaste of a margarita
¨ my husband's muscular back
¨ kindness on a hook-up app
¨ the confiscation of money and property of a fascist
¨ wearing shorts for the first time in spring
¨ perfectly cooked squid
¨ the colour crimson
¨ the way josh moves
¨ nick after he has ejaculated, so luminous
¨ tearing open underwear
¨ falling quiet when he touches my beard or jaw
¨ men getting dressed in the showers and putting their shirt on first
¨ slippery sounds of a jerk off audio
¨ agreeing to meet the next day for sex then being unable to sleep
¨ realising you're just drawing lachlan over and over again
¨ when a male singer reveals a rich lower register
¨ being the little spoon for my husband
¨ writing about sex
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