MAY YOU NEVER LOSE YOUR HYPERFIXATION

ladybugs for my little doodle series

here is a star for everyone who’s not feeling their best today (🌟)

can’t wait for this…..!!!!

angels are real because i exist

I hate being sensitive.

this is the first chapter of my (untitled) vampire story! imagine a vampiric romance that’s twilight x bridgerton <3 pls tell me your thoughts and comment to keep me motivated!!!! the second chapter is already on the works :) enjoy!

my candles flickered in my peripheral as i sat on the stool in front of my vanity admiring the hairdo my lovely maid, faith, had executed gracefully.

we exchanged glances, said nothing aloud, but the look we shared said more than any word ever could. after all, this was a big moment! for i was to attend my first ever ball.

my perfectly done curls laid upon my face just right and caught the sparkling chandelier; the light bounced off my curls casting a dark gold sparkle to twinkle throughout my hair. i felt beautiful.

being that i was the first born daughter in a family of 8, but the last born child all together, this was the moment my whole life has been leading up to. all five of my older brothers had the duty of being the gentleman; to flatter the young ladies, capture their hearts and offer them undying love, how romantic!

all of them had succeeded, 3 of whom are with child now, and live in beautiful homes of their own (though still within the same neighbourhood). alas, they would be ever so present now as it would be time for the last hawthorne child's debut into society, and that is i!

winnifred hawthorne.

or winnie if i consider us close— though that is seldomly the case, perhaps just my mother or faith. i didn't have time to make actual friends, possibly a few familiar faces at my etiquette classes or dance lessons, but a friend? sadly not.

i knew my life was a privilege, of course, even times i thought it to be almost absurdly unnecessary. well, most times i thought this. it feels like i'm trapped. not that this life is anything non-special, why it's grandiose!

but it get's lonely. and boring.

but today, i look stunning: and today is all about me. and my future. and my love.

maybe today will be fantastical, even breathtaking!

maybe i even meet one or two eligible suitors—!

"winnifred dear", my mother coos as she knocks on my door gently, "winnie may i come in?"

i look at faith one more time and she offers me a nod of encouragement, to which i return back.

"yes mum, come in!" i replied, unable to contain my happiness.

wasting no time, my mother stepped in and almost immediately covered her awestricken face with her satin glove.

"oh winnie, you look just absolutely gorgeous."

her heels clicked on the marble floor as she sashayed closer to me, admiring my light pink satin gown and the gold jewelry that decorated me.

"my, you are beautiful. my gorgeous girl." she smiled, the tears becoming increasingly more obvious.

my heart twitched at the sight of seeing her so touched, she never once cried for my brothers.

"i take after my wonderful mother", i smile in return, holding back tears of my own.

"you will catch the eye of every handsome man down there, that i can assure you", she adds with playfulness, causing me to blush at the thought of finally being able to interact with handsome single men whom thankfully i weren't related to.

the carriage had arrived for mother and i and we made our way down the staircase and into our ride to the ball. we rode in silence which was perfect, i was beginning to become nervous.

i hadn't completely ruled out this possibility, but i genuinely didn't think i'd feel anything but excited.

but i was nervous, very much so! my hands even began to sweat a little!

what things do i say to suitors? do i start the conversations? or steal the first glance? or shall i wait for him to make the first move?

suddenly i was no longer interested in wanting to grow up.

a pit was starting to grow in my stomach; i did not want to be perceived!

what if i fumble over my words and look like a fool? what if i forget a dance step? or eat with the wrong fork?

i could feel sweat daring to break out on my forehead.

i needed to be calm at once!

the carriage came to a jolt and the horse neighed and kicked up its' hooves— we must be here.

i looked out to the crowded entrance way and excitement buzzed all throughout me. the young ladies all looked so extravagant, radiating with the same enthusiasm that i surely felt, as they talked to the men on their arms and their friends.

envious was the word that came to mind upon seeing that.

every single young lady and gentleman at this ball, and in this town, know who i am without a doubt in my heart. i was hesitant to the fact if that was a good or bad thing. due to my family's (over-talked about) prestige, my older brothers were always the gentleman being sought out by the money lusting mother's and father's and the eager young ladies desperately wanting to be married.

what a reputation to live up to. for the past decade my brothers were always the talk of the marriage season. now, the hawthorne legacy must end with their only daughter looking for a suitable husband. this should be fun (said in my mind with sarcasm). a knock on the carriage door snapped me out of my thoughts; the feeling of excitement started to flutter away and turn into anxiousness again.

i blinked a few times to get my eyes back in focus, to which my mother saw and registered instantly as stress.

she laid her hand upon my shoulder and gave me a kind smile, "winnie, you will be perfect".

returning her smile i laid my hand upon her's and nodded back.

the carriage door opened softly and a gentleman in a (ridiculous) powdered wig offered me his gloved hand, to which i took politely and thanked him with a smile and nod. almost instantly people recognized my mother then slowly but surely the eyes started wandering to me. i could only imagine what was going through everyone's minds.

my mother took my arm in hers and we walked gracefully to the front entrance of the ball, which was being hosted by viscount springer and lady springer. they were nice enough people, though i've only exchanged words with them maybe two or three times in my whole 19 years of living. thankfully, their sons were much older than me and married with children so i wouldn't have to worry about them interrogating me tonight.

the doormen opened the humongous doors that led into their home, now turned into dazzling ball, and i was dazzled to say the least!

upon opening the doors, it took my breath away. the entirety of the main floor was decorated with white lace and blue silk and silver accents wherever it could fit; it was beautiful and i would duly make note to praise the springer's once i saw them.

the hypnotic beauty of the pianoforte flooded the halls leading to the main area where the dances and true mingling would take place.

mother caught me staring in wonder, "would you like to set up a dance card?", she prompted.

a dance card? how peculiar.

"why yes, thank you", i smile, my eyes reading how much i appreciated her guidance.

my mother hands me a more than adequately decorated invitation card; it was silver and had light blue ribbon on it to go around my wrist. then, designed with beautiful cadence were three open spots for where the suitors will write their name to claim a dance.

i felt my toes start to get tingly.

not one, but three dances?!

with three different gentlemen?!

i couldn't imagine how painful it might be to speak with me while so out of sorts, not to mention dance with me!

maybe if you would prefer to make a fool out of yourself!

"winnie, go on ahead, okay? i'm going to gossip with lady springer", my mother said, her excitement obvious.

i smiled at their shared girlhood, "of course".

with that, she slightly nodded to me and headed back towards the calmer hallways that i wish i was so badly hiding in right now.

i knew that as soon as i turned around, i was committed to the ball and i had to be ready.

i took a deep breath; come on winnie. you can do this. you are beautiful, and radiant, and lovely, and kind, and smart, and—!

collective gasps from the young ladies made me turn prematurely and i searched the sea of people to see what had caused such commotion.

it took an additional two or three seconds of searching, but then i found what, rather whom, made all of the fuss.

i don't believe i had ever recognized this family before, not that it was necessarily the whole family which was drawing the attention, more so their son.

the whole family had beautiful onyx black hair and dark brown eyes but perfect ivory skin contradicting their features. the, to my best guess, parents were beautiful beyond words. the longer i took in their presence, the more i became captivated by them. they all looked so youthful, and elegant and perfect.

however, it was their son, their only son might i add, that made the whole room gasp.

he was intoxicating.

jet black soft curls, dark brown kind eyes and the most perfect smile i had ever bear to witness.

all the young ladies were swooning and fanning themselves over the sight of him, making the men on their arms quite uncomfortable.

i stifled a giggle at the sight of that which made the handsome man look over to my direction.

i felt my cheeks instantly rouge and i looked quickly to the floor, suddenly extremely timid in the presence of him.

the moments of taking in this beautifully mysterious family had passed and the talking continued at once, as if their entrance was solely a figment of my imagination.

the click clack of heels on the ballroom floor started instantaneously as the young ladies rushed to the gentlemen's side, begging for his signature on their dance cards.

i almost rolled my eyes, it reminded me of my eldest brother, james, when he was the first hawthorne son to take on the marriage mart.

he was the talk of the season, to say the least. oh, how the pride and ego went to his head.

men.

i decided to object the common reaction the other ladies had, and walked away from all of the commotion. if anyone were to know who this family was, it would be my very own mother and lady springer; the most gossip inducing duo there ever was in london town.

walking through the crowd swiftly was easy, finding out where the two resided was the real struggle.

finally, after what felt to be an eternity, i found them tucked away in the maid's kitchen, bottles in hand and faces flushed, i looked down and bit my lip to keep myself from smiling.

"winnifred—!", my mother panicked, cheeks pink and eyes crinkled from smiling so much.

"it's okay mother, i adore you for it", i giggle.

she smiles back, clearly embarrassed.

"whatever do you need, dear?", she sets the bottle down and fidgets with her fingers.

"well, you see, this family just entered the ball and well i can't quite say i have ever seen them before, but my word did they cause a scene upon entering", i recalled with passion coursing through me.

"caused a scene how?", lady springer chimed in, cheeks pink as well, probably scared for the wellbeing of her home.

i blushed thinking about how to form my next sentence, "not behaviour wise, more like.... they were absolutely breathtaking. intoxicating even came to mind for me", i admitted before continuing slowly, "especially seeing their son, he caught all of the ladies attention and i just want to know who he is", i almost pleaded, how embarrassing.

"what do they look like?", my mother asked in a quizzical tone, totally immersing herself into the conversation for which i had utmost gratitude for.

"jet black hair, like completely pitch black! dark brown eyes, like the colour of tea at breakfast, but their skin is so clear and totally contrasts their features in ivory. they are genuinely beautiful— all of them!"

my mother and lady springer exchanged glances with one another, eyes squinted as they were deep in thought.

"i think you ought to show us", lady springer suggested with a slight smirk on her face.

"why yes, of course", my mother added.

i rolled my eyes with a smile on my face, "come on then".

i lead them back out through the twisted halls and back into the ballroom. it didn't take long for me to find them, surprisingly still all together, i had thought the children would be off mingling, especially that.... man felt not complimentary enough.

"over there", i whispered as slightly as i could and nodded into their general direction.

the two studied in awe, as i did not too long beforehand, for several moments in silence.

finally lady springer whispered, "i have not a clue who they are"

"me neither", my mom added.

my heart thudded a little, how outlandish. why, they knew everyone who came here to the ton.

my eyes focused back on them, i needed so desperately to know more about them for i was absolutely fascinated by them.

almost as if my mother could hear my thoughts she added, "why don't you go up to the gentleman and introduce yourself, winnifred? he may just ask you for a dance!", she said the last part an octave higher, revealing her giddiness.

the thought of that sent a whirl of butterflies through my stomach, however, he already had about 15 ladies on his arm, no need to seem desperate.

"thanks mother, i just might", i smile politely, hoping i was convincing enough.

she either believed me or was much too under the influence, and for that i was grateful.

she leaned forward to kiss my head and fix my jewelry, causing me to flush a little.

her and lady springer made their way back to their hiding spot and for a split second i contemplated following them or finding one of my own.

i looked back over to the raven haired beauty and to my surprise, he, too, was looking right at me. it sent a shiver down my spine.

the ladies surrounding him were talking his ear off, but he paid them no attention, he just looked at me with kind eyes. i wonder what he is thinking.

i couldn't bare to hold the eye contact any longer so i looked away, my cheeks feeling hot.

suddenly, i felt very parched.

making my way over to the refreshments i caught the eye of another suitor. while he was nothing compared to gentleman in the ballroom, he was decently handsome. maybe only because he had similar features to my mysterious nameless crush.

"miss hawthorne, is it?", he breaks the silence quickly.

i almost roll my eyes; who else?

"yes, and whom do i have the pleasure of speaking to?", i asked in return.

"lord davies", his eyes smiled as he bowed.

"my lord", i curtsy gracefully.

"may i fetch you a refreshment?", he asks, almost as if he's reading a "what to do at a ball manual".

"that'd be gratefully appreciated, thank you my lord", i smile back genuinely since that was my original plan.

as he turns his back to me and walks over to the too beautifully decorated drink table, i study his appearance, taking him all in and i think to myself: have i ever heard of a lord davies nearby? or a family with that same last name in the ton?

the thought left my head as quickly as it entered once he started making his way back over to where i was standing.

his eyes were almost startling, dangerous even.

i smiled and looked away, trying to save myself from the awkwardness.

i pretended to fiddle with my gloves, "fixing my attire", if you will, then he was finally an arms length away.

i curtsied once again as a sign of appreciation and took the glass from his hand. i tried not to pay much attention to the matter, but as we brushed fingers, i could feel the stone-like skin of his through my satin gloves. how odd.

"do you work a lot with your hands, lord davies?", maybe he just has rough hands, i tried to convince myself.

"why, yes! i build houses and stables when i have the time", he responded, however, it sounded well rehearsed in my opinion.

"how very interesting!", not.

what was interesting was that my subconscious and conscious all together were ringing with alarm. i felt as if i could not trust this man, but why?

i decided to finish my drink at once, thank him for his presence, then move onto finding at least one dancing partner...

as i set my drink down, lord davies clears his throat, "may i sign your dance card?"

oh, my luck has ought to be nonexistent.

"why, yes, of course!", i groan internally. is there not anything that could save me from this moment? from this man? from this dance?

as i reach for my dance card, our small party of two quickly turned into three.

it took me several seconds to actually process what caused me such mental delay, but it became ever so clear once i locked eye contact with him again.

"miss hawthorne", my name rolled off of his lips as smooth as honey. his voice rang through every cell in my body, making me shiver.

"may i have this dance?"

i nodded before i could even piece together a formal sentence, leaving lord davies bothersome.

"prince penrose, i was-"

"just leaving?"

i could cut the tension in the air with a knife. the way these two looked at each other was blasphemous!

however, a prince, and a gorgeous one at that, was about to save me from this awkward mess!

"you have a lot of nerve...", lord davies began to mumble, his fists balling up at his side.

"leave at once", the prince ordered.

lord davies looked between the two of us, looking rather furious, then stormed off— though the nervous feeling in my stomach would not leave for some time.

"thank you", i whispered, feeling slightly relieved.

"whatever for, miss hawthorne?"

my cheeks went rouge when he spoke my name, how idiotic.

"i wasn't taking a liking to lord davies", i spoke honestly.

"i wasn't going to let that happen, anyways", he said with so much confidence it made me suspicious, they did look ready to brawl.

"may i?", he points to my dance card, to which i handed him instantaneously.

as i watch him take my card, i notice him sign all three slots, leaving me a little stunned.

"did you not have many other young ladies waiting for a chance to dance with you?"

"well, yes i had very many", he says absently.

"so why choose me for all three? i don't need charity work, your highness", i said with a little more attitude than intended, making him smile?

"well, just like you miss hawthorne, why would i dance with anyone i wasn't taking a liking to?"

PLEASE GO READ MY FIRST CHAPTER <3

i get so excited every day to return to my quarters come nightfall

Peonies With Cherries (detail), circa. 2018,

Zbigniew Kopania (Polish, b. 1949)

oil on canvas, 28 in x 36 in.