Becstarr

I've been in a funny mood today.

Started off ok, but it all just changed in the matter of minutes.
Im not even totally sure whats wrong.
Im just really quiet, and possibly feeling sorry for myself.

I was watching skins earlier, and the whole Cassie & Sid thing really relates to me atm.
I guess Im in the same boat as Cassie.







I just wish I knew what/who I was crying about.

Its my mums birthday today.
Everythings been great between us this past year or so.
I dont even know why we had problems in the first place.
Probably just me being my typical overdramatic self.

Its my 16th in a few weeks! :o
I cant beleive Im gonna be 16. 
It feels rather big, turning 16.
Heaven knows why, its only a number.

Relationships have been getting me down this past while. Well, when I say relationships, I mean the lack of them.
Like, I know im not the best looking, but im not THAT bad. Plus, you can always have a laugh with me, so why havent I had a relationship in what, ever 2 years now? And why have I onlt ever had 1 boyfriend?

The opposite sex confuse me alot of the time.

_______________________________________________________

I should hopefully be seeing Dartz! this Thursday. Its an 18+ gig, but my fake ID should prove helpful.
I just hope I get to see them, as I've been annoying them for agesss to actually come to Belfast.

I'll hopefully be seeing Willy Mason, 25th May. Its a Friday night, so it should happen.

Then hopefully The Wombats June 9th. Saturday night, again, not a problem.

Then, the best finishing gig of the year;
WET WET WET! 
Belfast Odessey, 8th December! 
:D

I'll hopefully be attending more gigs throughout the year though.
No festivals for Rebecca. :[

I really need to start using LJ more.


Ok so exams end next Friday!
Cant bloody wait.
We're gonna paint Vickii's room! (Y) :D

Going to Blackpool during the summer.

Oh joy.

and i can still remember that day like it was yesterday.

i still remember coming out of my room into my kitchen where my mum was sitting with her head down, eating her pancakes and sniffling.

before i even got a chance to ask what was wrong my mum told me that you had died, the night before. at 11:50pm.

i remember sitting down and not beleivng it was true.
it felt like some kinda bad dream.

my dad was saying how he didnt know it could happen. and he kept repeating it over && over again. and i told him to just shut up, because he wasnt doing us any favours by repeating himself.

i remember going into school in pure silence.
and telling everyone what was wrong.
and natalie giving my that teddy bear, and me not letting go all day.

and almost bursting out in tears during science.

and i remember the funeral.

i'd kept it all bottled up till then, then something that someone had said just unplugged me && i just let it all out.

the tears just poured out of me like a tap.

i still cant beleive its been a year.
its flown past.
i feel sorry for your mum.
how can she celebrate christmas when she lost her son 10 days before christmas?
its hard enough for me to celebrate it && I was just your friend!

:[

god.
i cant beleive its been a year.

we all miss you.
we hope you arent suffering anymore.

<sub>I need a boyfriend.

Ever get when all your friends are getting boyfriends and you're the only one who's single?
I hate that. Because its me.
:[
Its shit.
I wish there was atleast someone I liked. Well there is, but theres no chance of it happening. I hate the fact that he lives so far away, because I really like him!  && hes the kinda guy I like && y'know. yeah.
&& I wish there was someone who maybe even liked me just a little bit. :[

I think im possibly the least fancied girl ever. !!!</sub>

It so doesnt feel like christmas.
The weather is so crap, its unreal.

Im really getting sick of stupid coursework in school.
Just cant be arsed doing it.

Taking up all my spare time, and I cant talk to my friendies :[

Also, 02 is a bitch for not letting me use my free messages to text Fran, whos down south.
That annoys me.

<sup><sub>Im back!

Damn straight, nigga.

I havent posted here in so long, && I've changed alot since then.

I look like this now;

Shexy mofo.
No.

Anyways.
I do hope to try and post here as often as possible.
Im also going to be doing some music related posts.
Oh yess..!</sub></sup>