infinitum nihil.

Hey guys. I haven't posted in my LJ for a while, sooooo I think I probably should now. :'D

My mom took me to the mall today, and I almost made myself an American Military Bear at Build-A-Bear. Then I saw a hockey outfit and almost made a hockey bear... and then I thought of making an Evgeni Plushenko bear to mock Feli with. But I didn't (only because they didn't have any silver medals). I wound up making myself an America/Alfred bear, because my Alfred plushie is too small to cuddle at night. (Yeah, Feli got me back to fagging over Alfred. OTL. Germany is still #2, though. D: ) He's an adorable cream-colored bear with a gold medal around his neck that says "#1." I looked for bomber jackets, but the store was small and didn't have any. I just need to find Nathanbear's glasses and he'll be set~

Anyway, I've been hardcore into the Olympics lately (and it's NOT because of Hetalia. I've always liked watching the Olympics) and I can't help but cheer for Germany. I'm kind of in a war with Feli over who's going to win the overall medal count, and I laugh at her whenever an American athlete makes an idiot of themselves.

My favorite sports are now snowboarding, hockey, ice skating, and curling. :'D I still love Tennis, though. Fffffff.

I want to try snowboarding the next time I go up in the mountains. I hope I get to go back up before all the snow melts this year.

Peptalk of the century:

Ka says:
*I want to try for video game design...
*but being the nerd I am, I doubt it would work in my favor
*I mean, I'd love to be a great voice actor and be successful, but...
   Fantastische     says:
*Aw, come on. You gotta believe in yourself!
*I do!
Ka says:
*I try...I really do...but being a Kentucky backwoods anime nerd doesn't improve my chances no matter how great Johnny Depp turned ou to be...
   Fantastische     says:
*Come on. Just because you're from Kentucky doesn't mean you wont amount to anything. >:
*I believe in you!
Ka says:
*Thanks...
   Fantastische     says:
*DD:
*Ka, listen.
Ka says:
*I guess I've sorta lost hope with all thats happened
*listening
Fantastische     says:
*My parents don't support me AT ALL. My dad's yelled at me on numerous occasions because I don't want to go into the military like he wanted me to. I'm not a war person. I'm a video game war person. My dad constantly yells at me and tells me how useless and pathetic I am, and how my art sucks and how I'll never make it in the real world, and that I dream bigger than I should and all this shit.
*But you know what? I'm going to prove him wrong. I know I can do it. I'm a good enough artist to make it. I'm still working on it, but... my main goal is to prove my dad wrong and live in Köln, Germany, someday.
*You just have to believe in yourself! I know it sounds Disney and childish, but you should never lose sight of what's important. You should ALWAYS chase after your dreams, no matter how far off or impossible they may seem.
*If people in the U.S. did that, we wouldn't have gone to the moon. We wouldn't even have the U.S. if there hadn't been people to dream of a free nation!
*Anything is possible if you put your mind to it.
*And if you don't believe in yourself, I do. And so do a lot of your friends and people you care about. You're never alone in this.

I am Fantastiche, and well... Ka is Ka.

>____________________>

Is a lot easier than I thought. I'm finally getting the jist of words like Geldbörse (which means purse, btw). The only thing I'm really having trouble with is the r sound, as in rot (red). It's pronounced from the back of the throat, and being a native English speaker, I have no idea how to make that kind of sound.

To be perfectly honest, I think the German language is beautiful. I really love the way the sounds are pronounced. I'm going to have issues when it comes to masculine/feminine/neutral word memorization, though. It could be the difference between saying Das Auto/Haus or Die Tür. It's a lot more complex than English.

So you get an idea of how complex this language is, here's a graph explaining the English articles (masculine/feminine/neutral with plurals):



There are literally 16 ways to say "The." Who was it that said English was complicated? They deserve to be shot.

There are also a lot of different pronunciations. For example, you would pronounce "sein" as "zai-n," and "Geldbörse" as "geld-bo-uh-zuh." It's a ton of fun to learn, but it's really complicated.

Alina also intoducted me to this website (which is amazing, might I add). It's about an American visiting Germany, and how German things are strange through American eyes. Though, I have to agree with him that having no speed limit and having signs which tell you what the speed limit isn't is not exactly a good use of money.

Did I mention Germans drink carbonated water?

Oh you, Europe.

Well, first things first. Happy birthday to CK, because she turns 18 in 6 minutes.

Second, we're up in Big Bear, CA, where we went skiing. It was a lot of fun and all, but I don't really want to go again. So we're staying up as late as possible to feel "sick" and have "aches and pains" so we don't have to go again. Teehee. I'd rather go online anyway. And sleep. Since I've missed a lot of sleep on this trip.

But anywho, the snow is beautiful. I'm so glad I got to come. CK's dad and her brother had a fight at Denny's, but other than that, everything's been awesome. As long as I get some McDonald's before we leave, I'll be good.

I had Jack in the Box for breakfast and one of the little girls there reminded me of Feli 'cause she had long brown hair. Long as in to her ass. So yeah.


I finally found out Feli's real name. I FEEL SO MUCH CLOSER TO MY CLONE NOW.

I'm kind of worried about going home. I might have gotten a report card, and I'm always paranoid when it comes to report cards, even though I finished a whole class this quarter. /paranoid lolololol


3 minutes until CK is 18...

Wow, time sure flies. I'm really scared to turn 18 myself. Because I'll be out alone in the world. It's an exciting and terrifying feeling. Where will I end up? Will I really move to Germany? Will the U.S. destroy itself because Obama is a fucking idiotic president that needs to be assassinated?

...

What am I going to do with my life? I don't even know anymore. And that scares me. I guess it's time to find out who I am... and what I want to do for the rest of my life.

Heh, and it's not even my birthday. I am 17 1/2 on January 17th, though... kind of scary.


One minute left... This is going to be more anti-climactic than New Years.

So my dad and I got into an argument this morning over absolutely nothing. I had turned on Ninja Warrior because he wasn't watching Star Wars, and when he came back inside, he told me to "turn that shit off," and when I said he didn't have to call it shit, he screamed at me and said "I can call it whatever the fuck I want. Go to your room." Only, he was more yelling. 'Cause that's what my dad does. And then he made me do 597597957 chores and now I'm super tired, but it's only 11am. ; _____ ;

Ah, well.
The other day, presents from my grandma came in the mail and my dad actually threw a fit because there weren't enough presents for him (because his birthday is on Christmas). Really, dad? Are you fucking serious? This was the reason I had to get off at 6, btw, Jubilee. My dad was throwing things, and screaming his head off, and he even decided not to go to dinner. Which pissed me off greatly because I had suggested Chili's. Mmmm, burgers. <3

Anyway, I was walking down the hallway this morning and I saw the Repo Man head sculpture I made for Carolyn's birthday last year. I never got to give it to her, because she wasn't at my last Shadowcast performance, and she hasn't taken the time to call me and ask if I'm available. Oh well. I got really nostalgic when I read the bottom, though. She was my best friend for a while. Funny how things like this work, huh? You're good friends for a couple of months, and suddenly they don't have time for you anymore. I guess it's the same with some of my RB friends. Oh well. At least I have a small amount of really good friends.

So, the A/M/C has been making a big deal out of not being able to tell me and Feli apart, so we decided to really confuse them. We have the exact same avatar, profile layout, signature, etc. only my stuff says that I'm Feli and hers says that she's Syns. Lolmindfuck.

Oh god, I could go on about this forever.

I guess I would want it to be in a quiet place (crowded would be fine, too), and I would want it to be the perfect moment. I wouldn't want to see it coming at all. I would want the guy to say a lot of romantic things to me and then get down on his knee, and ask me to marry him. For some reason, I keep imagining it at the beach at sunset, so maybe that's telling me I want it to be at the beach? But like I said, I want to be completely swept off my feet. I do not want to see it coming at all. I think that's what would make it the perfect proposal.

I was watching this documentary-type thing on the History Channel the other day about 9/11, but it was documentation of video recordings taken by bystanders in a Cloverfield-type of way, and when it's at the very end of the documentary, it shows interviews with some of the people who recorded footage, AND HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT'S VIRAL'S ENGLISH VOICE ACTOR.

This is the video he took for those of you interested.

I wasn't sure it was him at first, though. The name was the same, and his voice sounded familiar, but you can never be sure these days, you know? So I checked Wikipedia, and it says:
"He was in New York City on September 11, 2001, of which he recorded the attacks on the World Trade Center with his camera."

Well fuck me. I'm amazed.

Yes, definitely. Almost all of last year has redefined who I am as a person, and some of my changes are bad, and I'm aware of that. I made friends with certain people and dealt with so much that I'm almost completely closed off from my friends. I don't feel as though I can trust any of my friends in real life anymore. I realized that not everyone is going to help me and be my friend. I was slapped in the face by the reality that not everyone is like CK, who's my best friend irl.

I've also mellowed out a lot since I starting going to Abraxas. Things are easier on me, so I'm not so uptight about everything. I used to get offended by the stupidest things, but now I can joke around all I want and not be offended by it. But, you know... I'm glad I've mellowed. I used to be a huge stick in the mud who was depressed all the time. And that's not the kind of person I want to be.

As for priorities, mine were pretty fucked up last year. I cared more about entertainment then my education. Now, I want to graduate, and I want a good life. I want to make something of my life, to be remembered. I'm being more realistic, and less idealistic. Sure, I still dream big (lololol Germany) but... when it all comes down to it, the most important thing in my life right now is getting my work done so I can get my high school diploma. I don't want to be like Evan and just give up on school and take the GED test and take the easy way out.

Also, I'm starting to realize who my real friends are, and who aren't. I know my friends can't always be there 24/7, but they could at least call me once in a while. In the past year, I've only gotten a couple calls from 3 or 4 friends from my old school. I know people are busy, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't find time on break to talk to me for 5 minutes. That's all I would want.

*sighs and shrugs*

I guess that's just how life is. People come and go through your life. I just really don't like the fact that I'm out of the loop all the time now. Especially with my old friends. I mean, even Carolyn, who was my best friend in the Repo Shadowcast, has completely stopped talking to me. I never got to give her the birthday present I worked on for 2 weeks. It's almost been a whole year, too. Give or take a couple months, but you get the idea.

Maybe this is all just hard for me to accept. The fact that people aren't all good like I wish. Oh well. I guess that's part of growing up.

So, my mom took me to see Princess and the Frog today, and holyshit it was absolutely amazing. I love all the characters so much ffff. But I feel like a retard 'cause I couldn't not think of the APH characters as the PatF characters. .___. I'm probably going to be doing that again tomorrow when my dad takes me to see Avatar.

So, CK can't get me my Alfred wig. But you know what? I think it was nice she even offered to get it in the first place. And besides, she's already making me like... 3949759797 plushies, so she doesn't need to worry about it. I can just save up my lunch money for the whole cosplay. It'll be better if I got the whole thing by myself anyway. I hate having to depend on her all the time because we don't have any money. I always feel guilty.

I got an Angelic Manner donated to me today on Gaia. One of the expressions on it inspired me to make my avatar cosplaying as dirty slave Alfred. OHOHOHOHOHHOOHOHO~

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.

So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath

Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life...


Oh British humour, how I do love thee.
Monty Python ftw. c:

OKAY, I PROMISE THAT'S IT FOR TODAY