in my life we had such fun

what am i going to do with my life???

i shouldn't have to try this hard
and i'm tired of trying, nagging, and being disappointed
that just makes it worse.

sick of it.
urrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhh
why does this have to be hard??????

dont depend on others for happiness, depend on God and he wont let you down.

riding in rik's beat up old car squished in the back seat with stina and dodson singing our faces off to ridiculous songs
and watching family guy in their parents room
and going to walmart to look at discount movies
and drinking lots of coffee and monsters and DIET COKE
and riding home blasting the across the universe soundtrack and always going 10 miles an hour over the speed limit, especially past the cops, who drove straight past
and still singing my face off
and having shank wars
poor stina
she got pwned for sitting in the middle

fun fun fun

people shouldn't take really good things for granted.
it bothers me.
that's all i'm gonna say

i'm so sick of change.
i dont think i can handle anymore
AHHHHH

What kind of director doesn't even have the balls to stand up for his own mistakes and not blame the only thing that went good at the concert???? You're so stupid that you can't even understand that when you put us up there in front of the other fucking choirs its going to look akward, dumbass. How can you expect us to sing along with them on the spot when we dont know the fucking song? Thank you so much for ruining jazz music for everyone there, i just love feeling so disappointed and frustrated and nothing i do will get through your thick skull. And what the hell is with your songs!? We're not the fucking kings west roundup, we're called jazz choir for a reason. Take your number one country hits and go back to eastern washington.

So life is different now. First of all, i've realized how much i need my friends. Seriously, i almost died today when one of my better friends wasn't at school. Secondly, I HATE CHANGE. i have this problem, it's called being a dramatic female, and i have the hardest time not comparing now to the past. I had it sooooooo good last year. It's like, everbody around me is moving on and doing fine but i'm stilll stuck in last year. This year is soo much different and i can't do anything about it but try to deal with it. There's so many things that i miss and i know it will never be the same again (most emo but true statement on my livejournal i'm sure). I can't help but think about what could be better and what HAS been better. All i need is a little more support maybe, is that too much? I'm trying so hard and struggling with just looking at the positive and making the best of it, and i should get credit for trying, right?
I dont know...

i hate this. my last days of summer are spent being sad and dreading school and waiting until the next time i work and not really doing anything else. and i kind of want school to start so i at least have something to do but not i'm really not looking forward to it. and i have to still read a book and read 3 chapters from another and write a fat-ass essay.
i'm so stressed and really miserable right now
God...help me