vital functions

Jun. 7th, 2026 11:19 pm
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[personal profile] kaberett

Reading. Finished Dead Hand Rule, Max Gladstone. Am disgruntled. Might soothe the disgruntlement by rereading the Sequence of adoration past.

Also finished Fight Right, as previously mentioned; I am sort of interested by the range of disagreements I have with them and also by some of the things they omitted (they make no suggestion of exchanging Tokens Of Good Faith when brain is too Bad to talk usefully???); I am kind of sad for them and specifically for Julie that they... are much less good at this than they think they are, based on their reports of their own fights. (Two key examples: including Julie saying "I'm always [negative]" during Model Apologies with zero indication that this is not good practice on multiple axes; the whole lengthy story in which neither of them seem to notice that what she actually wanted was for him to say Hey, You Did A Hard Thing You Struggle With, Good Job and instead got him assuming out loud that she had in fact done the polar opposite of the hard thing and proceeding with the conversation on that basis.)

Casting around for Maybe I Want Some More Non-Fiction, my "maybe read this one day" queue in the library app has yielded: Much Ado About Mothing, James Lowen, which is obviously relevant to several of my interests though I'm prepared to be disappointed by the lack of any meaningful incorporation of My Favourite Shakespeare. I am in chapter three and having a good time.

Listening. Today was Laminate All The Things day, so we have listened to another chunk of Hidden Almanac! Mord's hellebores.

Cooking. Broad bean kuku with the ALLOTMENT SAFFRON. Experimental Kaiserschmarrn with blueberries instead of raisins, and pear and rhubarb compote. Another round of the potato and kale and bean thing.

It turns out that the tiny 2.5kg weights A has for their dumbbells do really well for squishing tofu in a hurry, which would be a more useful fact if A were not considering getting rid of that set of dumbbells given that I have the fancy ones...

(Weights nerds: the 1" spinlock things that are endless faff.)

Eating. SAFFRON from the ALLOTMENT.

Exploring.

Creating.

Making & mending.

Growing. I made it to the plot. I spent very little time there but I made it; cherry tree looking EXTREMELY unhappy about not having been watered but soft fruit all looking promising; should def harvest some broad beans (or maybe just have An Million to do a whole bed full next year).

At home: some TLC to the smaller orchid, which is looking very sad (having successfully sent up a flower spike most of which never opened, sob) because I am having a time trying to get watering it right without moving it into its own saucer that I don't reaaaaaaally have space for on that windowsill. (Am I contemplating going back to the charity shop and Acquiring the pointy teardrop open terrarium situation I saw there yesterday? Yes I am.)

Observing. Baby birds! The teenage foxes continue to yell SO MUCH. Many excellent plants in passing. Gosh it's nice being outside at the moment when it's not, you know, absolutely bucketing it down.

aperol spritz

Jun. 6th, 2026 05:19 pm
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[personal profile] msilverstar
Last year in Northern Europe, I discovered the Aperol Spritz. Ed bought some Aperol for our anniversary (41) and I am enjoying it very much.

some good things

Jun. 6th, 2026 11:46 pm
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[personal profile] kaberett

We engaged in what is now our Brunch Date tradition, in that we visited the fancy bakery and then we bimbled around the aqueduct looking at baby birds while slowly consuming our spoils.

Baby birds the first were at coot nest #1; we spotted the mallard sitting merrily on top of it to start with, and then I went HOLD ON THAT'S A TINY FLUFFY DUCKLING. ... THREE DUCKLINGS. The coots (a) are not shy about chasing ducks off and (b) tend to move gradually down the not-exactly-a-river with successive clutches, so we are not too concerned about them.

There were also: another clutch of (rather larger) ducklings, with no supervising adult; some extremely teenage coots; some extremely baby coots going WHEEK WHEEK WHEEK at the tops of their tiny lungs; yet another coot nest containing one (1) adult, two (2) teenagers, and three (3) tiny fluffy cheeplets, the teenagers being actually in the nest and variously sitting on top of and preening the cheeplets. The Egyptian goslings meanwhile are very nearly all the way grown up, but continue to spend most of their time clustered together.

I am not entirely sure why I had decided baby season was probably over, but I think we can definitively say that It Is Not!

random postini

Jun. 5th, 2026 12:12 pm
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[personal profile] msilverstar
After much tsuris, our solar battery is now replaced and working. I still think the heat pump installers screwed it up. So we are now net producers of power over the year.

some good things

Jun. 4th, 2026 11:41 pm
kaberett: Trans symbol with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
[personal profile] kaberett
  1. was invited to read A Bedtime Story :)
  2. fresh new bedlinen
  3. Eating More Food has in fact fixed the muscle soreness, again
  4. successfully achieved a favour for a person (via venturing into the Warhammer shop halfway down the hill)
  5. after the torrential rain, the sunset
kaberett: Trans symbol with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
[personal profile] kaberett

I am going to lead, moderately emphatically, with: this is not a recommendation for this book (which in any case I haven't finished). The strapline is "how successful couples turn conflict into connection"; it was published in 2024. As [personal profile] recessional has pointed out to me, some of what's going on is that their target audience is specifically people who are treating each other shittily but don't want to break up/divorce/etc, and do want to learn to do better, but don't have the tools for how.

I, however, am very much coming from a perspective of being much more inclined to push for, if not breakups, the idea that there exists unacceptable behaviour one gets to just nope out over, and also of the tradition of DBT workbooks where there is a heavy emphasis on explicitly acknowledging, out loud, with your words, that the shit you just did is not okay.

All of this having been said, there are two things about this book (so far) that I Must Share.

The first is about a tool the (Schwarz) Gottmans' research group uses. Their research group, for context, is called the Love Lab.

Much of the data and observations about couples in conflict in this book comes from our decades of work in the Love Lab and from other important and groundbreaking observational studies by ourselves and other researchers. But now we are getting even more sophisticated and granular information from the AI we trained with John's emotional coding system, called SPAFF, short for Specific Affect Coding System.

... the second, I say, moving swiftly on, is that a little further on in the book I have encountered a genuinely new-to-me evopsych argument: that because of evolutionary pressures it is men who get Extremely Emotional very quickly, and take a long time to calm back down and reach a point where they can engage rationally again!

... At this point: He's flooded. She's flooded. Both hearts are hammering hard; adrenaline is zinging through their veins. Stan's physiological response has ratcheted up and overwhelmed him even faster than Susan's, and he'll take a lot longer to come down from it.

Here's why: For evolutionary reasons having to do with protecting the tribe and hunting dangerous animals for food, our prehistoric male ancestors gained a survival advantage by being able to quickly mount and sustain an adrenaline-packed response to danger. Those with this rapid response were better able to fight off enemies and hunt for food, and because they were better survivors, their genes were more likely to get passed down and eventually inherited by our men today. That kind of enduring fight-or-flight response might have helped Stan's distant ancestors survive, but it isn't doing him any favors now.

tl;dr for all that I regularly kind of want to throw it across the room there are some amazing moments in this thing. I'm only about halfway through! WHO KNOWS what wonders await me!!!

vital functions

May. 31st, 2026 09:22 pm
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[personal profile] kaberett

Reading. Max Gladstone: I have finished Wicked Problems and am now most of the way through Dead Hand Rule, and have been remembering why it is that I'm feeling so much less fannish about these later books than the earlier ones. Read more... )

The library has just delivered unto my auxiliary internet device Fight Right (Julie Schwarz Gottman and John Gottman). I... cannot remember where I saw this recommended, I think in another piece of non-fiction I was reading but I can't remember what, so like... watch this space for how grumpy it makes me, I suppose?

Eating. Everything Has Been Too Warm, but: this week's most adventurous culinary wossname has probably, tragically, been The Protein Powder. Thus far I do not hate it but jury's out on whether it is actually a useful addition to my diet...

Exploring. I have been poking around new routes back from the gym and on my most recent journey found a delightful twisty little path including, among other things, walnuts.

Growing. ... I have watered the plants at home?

No, c'mon, self: the lemongrass is actually thoroughly established and I'm very pleased about it. The aubergines desperately need potting up but are also not dead. The poblano is fruiting merrily on the patio. Some things grow.

Observing. BATS: last night we heard something that might have been a soprano pip social call? Or might have been a noctule? We are not at all sure because we didn't get to hear much of it. But: bat!

some things make a post

May. 30th, 2026 11:20 pm
kaberett: Trans symbol with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
[personal profile] kaberett
  1. The smitten kitchen pesto chickpea thing remains excellent. As does the ridiculous strata.
  2. On my way back from the gym today I did An Explore of a Different Route and along an excellent winding little path I found A Walnut Tree!
  3. I remembered to put the bat detector out at dusk; we detected bats!
  4. I did actually feel deadlifts down the back of my legs today! -- I don't think I was doing anything different, I think it was just that they were slightly sore when I started today which made it easier to focus on them.
  5. I have spent a lot of time today that I was not Moving My Body mostly horizontal and managing to actually read some fiction. It has been lovely.

some good things

May. 29th, 2026 11:52 pm
kaberett: Trans symbol with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
[personal profile] kaberett
  1. consumèd the last of my birthday cake <3
  2. supermarket supplied More Cut Price Pistachio Croissants for More Indulgent Luxury Breakfast
  3. A is very very good in particular (I went Quite Wrong on Wednesday night; tonight we debriefed and achieved many communication and I think none blame)
  4. the weather is a bit cooler and it was extremely pleasant to be outside for Evening Constitutional
  5. brain appears to be allowing me to read a tiny bit of fiction, which is a nice change!!!

some good things

May. 28th, 2026 11:11 pm
kaberett: Trans symbol with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
[personal profile] kaberett
  1. On my way home from errands this afternoon, I spent a bit of time meandering around some back streets I have not otherwise been terribly well acquainted with. The temperature had dropped enough to be actually fairly pleasant, and also everything smelled of the roses to an extent I am not sure I have ever previously experienced outside of a dedicated rose garden in season.

  2. The ridiculous protein powder (I knoooooooooooow I am being SUCH a stereotype) I ordered has arrived; read more... )

  3. Despite sleeping terribly for reasons, I picked things up and put them down again! and some of them were heavier than any things I have ever previously picked up or put down in that fashion! and I failed out of a squat set in the "bailed onto the safeties" sense, and I am feeling pretty good about having thereby unlocked Another Achievement. (Tuesday's Achievement Unlocked was getting diffidently asked by someone if I knew how to adjust a particular piece of equipment, on the basis that I clearly did because I just HAD but she'd not managed to catch the how. This was particularly delightful because the specific thing is the one I fled from in terror when invited to use it in my first gym trip a whole five and a half weeks ago.)

  4. The Child is delightfully excited about getting to see me TWICE next week, both on a day when I am Doing A Babysit and on our normal visit day. ♥

  5. Therapist induced me to identify some potential next steps for handling a Minor Situation that feel actually possible and maybe even constructive.