I'm a straight male and I wish I was a woman. I wanna go through sex re-assignment surgery. How many heterosexual males go through sex re-assignment surgery?
I just noticed that when I don't shake the coconut milk enough, it comes out in thin squirts and little chunks of cream, like what came out of my wife's breast when I cured her mastitis with suction.
Just got my period and... vag bubbles. So gross. I can never tell if it is just air or if clots are coming out (past the tampon) so I constantly have to check. *whines*
So last weekend I was dead to the world and my dad came in to wake me up for our usual Saturday father-daughter shopping excursion. He gave me my breakfast and left, and as I was rolling over all groggy-like, I noticed that my leg felt...wet. And my shorts (I was wearing those super-comfy dude basketball shorts) were wet. Like clinging to my leg wet. I was like "...did I pee and not notice it?" I looked down...
...nope.
I did not pee.
It looked like my lady business had gone on a murdering spree in the night.
I was both disgusted and fascinated.
I've been getting over a cold, and one of the last remaining symptoms is that my sinuses feel like there's still something up in them.
Just now I managed to blow out what feels like every remaining bit of gunk in them. It took about 15 tissues. I am both disgusted and impressed, and I'm also pretty glad to not have all that up my nose anymore. I hope that's all of it.
I have a pretty raging anxiety disorder and when things get stressful, I suffer from either:
1. Crazy, bad, intense Nervous Diarrhea OR
2. Horrible, nightmare-grade constipation.
There is no happy medium.
Back in September, I was walking to work. It is about a 3 mile walk over varied terrain. When I left my house I noticed clouds gathering but they seemed far away and any storms were not in the forecast. About a quarter of a mile in, the wind picked up and rain started to pelt me. Whatever. I continued on, and got to a bridge that went over railroad tracks. The clouds had turned dark at this point and thunder was rolling. But it seemed far away. I checked my phone and needed to press on to make it to work on time. I stepped on to the concrete and metal bridge, which was about .23 of a mile across, walking as fast as I could. The storm looked far away. I turned up the volume on This American Life, praying I'd scurry across ok. I was about a quarter of the way across when a HUGE-ASS BOLT OF FUCKING LIGHTNING lit up in front of me. I do not know how it missed the bridge. At that moment, I knew that I fucked up big time risking going on there anyway, I caught my breath, and RAN. RAN LIKE HELL. I started running at full-tilt as soon as the thunder started to crack. And it cracked, hard. I felt it in my bones.
I made it across that damn bridge, made it to work in heavy rain and ducked into the first bathroom I could find. I had terrible, loud, painful nervous poop. So bad. I thought I was going to barf at the same time! I went to wipe and....NO TOILET PAPER. NONE.
I shimmied my ass SO HARD. Then I tossed my backpack out of the stall and waddled to the next one to wipe my shameful ass. Perhaps that was my karma for poorly handling the lightning on a metal bridge about metal train tracks.
AND NOW:
I skipped out on going with my husband to his family's Christmas (self care!) but I still felt real bad about it and I have been STOPPED UP for......4 days now. I have consumed coffee, special poop tea, water, fiber and went for a walk and still no dice.
CURSES!!!
the_lj_revival community has been set up with that aim in mind, and you are invited to join it. If you are already on LiveJournal and still have a Facebook profile, and would like to see more people returning to LJ or setting up accounts here, we invite you to post a link to this community on your Facebook Timeline. If you would like to find out who is still using LiveJournal and make contact with those who are already here, you are invited to copy and paste the 'about me' questions on the profile page and post them with your answers to the community.
cheerful
frustrated