"Love is passion.. Obsession.. Someone you can't live without. I say, fall head over heels.. Find someone you can love like crazy and who will love you the same way back. How do you find them? Well, you forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart.. The truth is, honey, there's no sense in living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love.. Well, you haven't lived a life at all.. But you have to try because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived." - Meet Joe Black
I've never met anyone who watched/listened to this and didn't get chills. I came across the song while cleaning out my music folder an hour ago and have been listening to it ever since. The movie (Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit) as a whole is decent, not fantastic but certainly not bad. That scene/song however is under-appreciated and certainly inspiring to me. Makes me want to join the church choir and sing at the top of my lungs.. if only I had a voice.
"Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death." - Anais Nin
Fear of Change. I was once consumed by it. I used to be terrified of anything I wasn't used to. My life had become a stand-still. Lately my eyes and my world have been opening. I've come to realize that you don't grow if you don't change. Now I can't imagine my life without some of the things I would have probably once opposed. My family has a reputation for forming an opinion on something and never changing it. I will admit I have this in me, but it's something I feel like I am fighting well. Everyone says the best part about the Brignac's is their loyalty; the worst their stubbornness. I am trying every day to become stronger at the former and weed out the latter.
I used to dislike the band U2. I would always turn the station when I heard them. I thought they were over-rated. I never gave them a chance. Then one day I opened my mind, I don't know why or how it happened. Consequently "Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own" has become one of my favorite songs. It's beautiful and it has an inspiring message. Now I wonder how many more great songs I could have been exposed to if I would have not been so stubborn.
Going to school every day used to make my stomach cringe. I only did it because I had to and I never did homework or paid attention in class. I wasn't even concerned with studying something I liked, I just wanted to get the hell out of there. I had decided that school just wasn't for me. For years, this was my mindset and nobody could change it. Then, once again, my mind forced itself open, and somehow I decided to give it a chance. Maybe it would work maybe it wouldn't but at least I could say I tried. I decided to change my major to something I was honestly interested in even if it would cost me another year in school. I couldn't believe it would take longer for me to finish but I was stuck in a rut and I knew I had to do something about it. I changed my major to history and it was like all the lights came on in a room that had been dark for ages. I've discovered a new part of myself I was previously unaware of. I had no idea I would have this thirst for knowledge. Sometimes it's a pain in the ass but I love it still. I am so thankful I was able to open my mind and make the decision to change. I can't imagine what my life would be like now if I hadn't.
What was once feared is now anticipated. I'm welcoming Change and all it has to offer. Wondering what's next for me to open my mind to. Anxiously awaiting for that next great song to transform my life..
-- So don't you sit upon the shoreline And say you're satisfied Choose to chance the rapids And dare to dance the tide
"Music is nothing separate from me. It is me... You'd have to remove the music surgically." - Ray Charles
I came across this quote while browsing the imdb message boards for the movie "Ray". The words latched on my brain and didn't quite let go.
Music translates my emotions for me. It always has. I have never been a poet or a writer. I have never been a speaker. I can't for some reason take my feelings and form articulate words from them. But I can think instantly of a song that speaks everything I'm feeling as if I wrote the song myself. I suppose that's why I have so many journal entries filled with song lyrics. Sometimes they are the only way to express my deepest sentiments.
Tonight I'm listening to "Angels". Robbie Williams released the album "The Ego Has Landed" in 1999 and it was popular in the UK but never really here in the US. That is until Jessica Simpson covered it in 2005 and screwed it up royally but I digress. This afternoon I was overcome with feelings of anxiety. My mind wandered down its familiar path of self-dissatisfaction. It started to dwell and complicate the simple. I came upstairs, looked through my music library and found "Angels". I'm still listening to it now. It takes me to a place of content inside my soul. It reminds me of everything I am and everything I have. How though the road is twisted and full of speed bumps, I am blessed with someone who loves me for everything I am and everything I am not. Through the trials and toils of life, she is the one constant. She has seen me through my brightest shining moments and at my darkest hour.. and still she loves me the same. I don't think I've ever told her but this song is the inspiration for her nickname..
-- "And through it all she offers me protection A lot of love and affection Whether I'm right or wrong And down the waterfall Wherever it may take me I know that life won't break me When I come to call She won't forsake me I'm loving angels instead.."
Every now and again a clean slate is necessary. I feel that time is now. The world it seems has moved on to myspace and facebook. Although I am part of those worlds, they make it impossible to speak. Here, it's just words.. no comments, walls, videos.. just thoughts on a page. It's intimidating, but I've missed the feeling of relief after hitting the "Post Journal" button.
Life has been a whirlwind since my last entry I don't know when. I never could write because I couldn't find words to form. The smoke has cleared now. I've ripped off my band-aids and am left fresh to the world. I have gone through more in the past year than I have in most of my adult life(early adolescence not included here). All of it has taught me one thing. Life is the most fragile of all. It can be gone in the blink of an eye. What is important is to love and be loved in return. I will no longer live a life of worry. I have brought too much damage and insecurity to that life. No, that life is not me. Nor will it ever be again.
I finally feel a sense of security I've never felt before. I feel loved, protected, and happy. I am not afraid to mess up. I know now that I will be loved anyway. This is new ground to me and it feels wonderful. I now know a forever kind of love which I've never known before.
I have found my place in this world previously unknown. I've achieved my goal which was to make my own friends here. I have and they are wonderful. I hope to get to know them better. I am learning everyday how to be a better person to myself, my partner, my friends and family. I am learning how to show them how much I care about them and thank them for everything they do. I feel like I am growing up. Finally, I am driving down the right road. Whether or not I reach the end is unimportant to me, at least I'm headed in the right direction.
-- I know I've misbehaved And you've made your mistakes And we've both still got room left to grow And though love sometimes hurts I still put you first And we'll make this thing work
relaxed
relieved