An uncut stone is flawed and beautiful

Today at camp, I:

-- Taught an awesome guitar lesson with my co-teacher, where we talked about warming up, tuning, technique, reading tabulature, what the girls want to learn, and worked on the leads from "Beat It" (FOR REAL!)

-- Made friends with two brand new volunteers, Mal, and her bandmate/bff, a dude named Simon, we talked for ages

-- Made friends with Nadia, a vocal instructor who I've already chatted/walked with, and Crystal, a drum instructor. Oh, and then we totally jammed. And some lady security guards came in to listen to us!

-- Talked more with Simon at the roadie station, where we solved the great Kimya Dawson Mystery of 2008! I promised him that he'd be hero and that there would be retablo style portraits of him in Mexican bars, with his name, "El Simon" underneath

-- Did a lot of pedal tech for so early in the week! We have distortion, chorus, a tubescreamer, and a fuzz pedal, and the girls who are playing lead guitar in the bands are of course always clamoring for them. I spent forty minutes going around to their different band rehearsal rooms, going over how to set them up and fiddle with them with the campers.

-- ROADIED MY ASS OFF. For serious, I am still in pain, I could barely slice the smoked gouda I had with my apple after dinner.

I am exhausted, I've barely recovered from everything today. I wish I could write more, but I'm just too tired, but at the very least I've been writing in my diary a lot, of course I bring it everywhere I go, and jot things down as often as I can.

I would like to note, though: those kids Mal and Simon? They asked me what I'm doing at school, and when I told them I was getting a doctorate in Spanish/Latin American studies, they were like "whoa...dude, that's kind of awesome. No, that's really awesome!" I like how total strangers are more supportive of my studies than my douchebag father is.

Also: Mal is kind of smokin' hot, on top of being really nice and easy to talk to, and something about being around her made me sort of sad? Or maybe not sad, but like, wistful? I don't know, sometimes I just kind of feel fated to be alone at the moment. Sometimes, I don't notice it, but at other times it feels really hard, and meeting people like Mal accentuates that feeling like I have to be alone right now. But at the same time -- and I'm going to quote Carrie Bradshaw -- maybe there's something to knowing they're out there.

Today, I:

-- Overslept, and woke up at 10 minutes before what I thought was the latest train I could afford to take, and then got ready in twenty minutes (which is a record for me) and made the train after that at 11:17

-- Arrived at camp 10 minutes before instrument lessons were supposed to start, just enough time to grab my guitar and a bottle of water

-- Paired up with a new volunteer named Rebecca and took the advanced guitar class

-- Watched in awe and wonder as our girls learned pentatonic scales in half and hour, and finished the class by pairing up and all soloing for each other

-- Tried to roadie, and then almost collapsed because I hadn't eaten at all

-- Went to the kitchen, hung out with Alison, and got the last veggie burrito

-- Got assigned to go back to Manhattan and pick up some art supplies

-- Went back to camp for the volunteer meeting, which ran way too long

-- dragged my tired ass home, and almost wept at a few points because I was so exhausted

And yet....I am in the greatest mood, and it all feels like it was totally wooooorth it....

I can't wait for tomorrow.

My work is done, thank GODDDD. I realized while I was at home that not being done was what was really making me crazy and panicky, I realized that I needed to finish my work so I could start relaxing for real. So yesterday after I got back to Albany I finished my abstract and annotations, and today I sent out the beginnings of my bibliography. Fugazi, Rites of Spring, Minor Threat, Sunny Day Real Estate, and a lot of Judith Butler are officially my homework for the next year. I'm fucking PSYCHED. But before that, I need to do some serious, serious cleaning, and I need to get a bunch of stuff for the quinceañera. (Read: a really big flask, and a 'back up' dress.) I would have liked to do all that today, but no, I had to take forever with that damn bibliography.

Tomorrow night I may or may not go out to the biergarten, Saturday Maddie (and maybe Liz) are coming over so they can accompany us to the quince, next Tuesday Leigh is coming down, and at some point after that Stephanie and I are getting together to write the A la gran puta EP. (Sidenote: when I was little, I used to think it was 'hala gran puta', and because I got to hear my grandmother say it to so many people, I also thought it was a name, rather than a hostile suggestion. Oh, to grow up in a bilingual household.) This is going to be a good summer. I can feel it in my old hag bones.

[mood | Busyyyyy]
[music | PGMG/General Hospital on Soapnet]

Something important that I forgot to record last time: because there was a chance that I would have company, I cleaned. And when I say cleaned, I mean I CLEANED. I cleaned for real. My room is such that you could practically eat off of it, and it's had a surprisingly good impact on my mood.

Now, for THIS week so far:
a. HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLORIA STEINEM! Keep on keepin' on, you crazy old beeotch!

No, for serious -- Gloria is amazing. She's done and said questionable things, but I'm grateful even for her big mistakes and flaws because we as women and feminists have done nothing but learn from them. She teaches you when she's not even trying, for christ's sake! And she will have nothing but my admiration and respect forever and ever.
b. Saw Harold and Maude on Monday night with Maddie. It did not disappoint.
c. Also on Monday: the founder of my department called me into her office that afternoon to ask if I would be interested in teaching again next term if a position were available. It only hit me today that that means that I'm officially forgiven for the mess with my TA! YAY!!!
d. I've been making a point of playing my guitar every night. I haven't been pushing myself to write anything because I just can't handle it at this point, but I am learning old favorites. Today I learned "The Nocturnal House"!!! Which I've been learning from this video, ignore the overpowering melodica in it and pay attention to J, their amazing guitarist:

e. We had a schoolwide strike today to protest Patterson's riDONKulous budget cuts against SUNY and CUNY...I was only notified of it last night at like, 11, so I couldn't partake, but I DID announce it to my students, and try to impress upon them that they are being forced to pay for other greedy people's mistakes, and that they should join the mass e-mailing scheduled for today and tell Patterson that they do not want! I offered to post the address on our class's blackboard page...and I was really heartened and proud when my students expressed what seemed like real interest in participating.
f. Been talking to J.Fis on the intarwebs this week. Somehow I almost forgot how funny and awesome she is.

[mood | Pleased!]
[music | The Gimme Cooties compilation!!!]

This week/mostly weekend:
a) I finished my work in a timely fashion, and not at 2 the night before (SCORE)
b) I did my nails and watched the last episodes of The L Word
c) I called Marisa so we could bitch about it.
d) I found videos of Corin (!!!), from her last solo show, and posted them all over
e) I didn't get to see Carly (she couldn't get out of work early enough to come down), but I talked to her
f) I started working on a new blog post about this ingenious CD, this Gimme Cooties compilation that KK did for the For The Birds collective that I got a the Anti-Valentine's Day Riot Grrrl Cover Band Show.
g) I graded my student's midterms and 57 out of 100 of them earned As; 33 more earned Bs.

Last night I was watching The L Word while my nails dried, and I found myself getting a little glum over Shane and Jenny's fights. Mostly because the way Shane fights reminds me of how Liz fights. We've never fought over things like trust or telling each other not to see people, but still, the yelling with the eyes and arms, that's what Liz does when she argues. Meh, I wish I could call her and ask how her recording is going.

Friday night was spent in, doing work, because Carly had to cancel at the last minute. I'm sorry that I didn't get to see her, but at the same time I'm amused at her failure to understand that just because you have a real job and "sick time" doesn't mean you get to make your own schedule. Only Carly would have this issue.

But other than that: it was all pretty good. Let's hope that next week sees continued improvement.

ps Oh haaaay....

I won't lie: I'm not sure how much I like or will like Corin's solo venture...but truthfully? The woman could put out a record of covers of songs from Barney and I'd go to pieces over it. I am just. so. glad. to have her back.

[mood | Content, for what feels like the first time in a long time.]
[music | All My Children rerun]

Today I finished my last final, and I am overjoyed that this term is over, and I'm also really grateful...I don't think I've ever felt this way at the end of the term before. Usually I'm just glad to be done, I go home for winter break, I have a terrible time because I'm just so exhausted, and by the time I finally start to really recover, I have to go back, and the whole thing is miserable.

But right now, I'm really, really appreciative, and feeling oddly humble. I think it has something to do with my stepfather's illness...instead of being upset because there's going to be more school and more work and more tiredness, I'm really feeling how nice it feels to be done for right now, to be relaxed, and to be able to do other things.

I didn't waste any time. As soon as I finished proofreading my final, I went next door to Ashleigh's room and asked if she wanted to celebrate with a trip to the mall. I ate some dinner, got dressed and put on some makeup, and we went over to the 'nice mall' where we took advantage of some sales and got some new clothes, window-shopped at Barnes and Noble, and did a lot of talking about music. We paged through Alternative Press together (I've realized that AP is my equivalent of Star) and made fun of the bands. It's been a long time since we spent quality time together. I'd almost forgotten how nice it can be.

After the mall, I cleaned my room, which felt really good, I can't even remember the last time I even just tidied up my room. I read -- I can't remember the last time I read a pleasure book or a fiction book -- and I decided I wanted to read something stupid to counteract the heavy history and identity shit I read constantly for school. What stupider fiction is there besides Twilight? I'm borrowing Ashleigh's copy, which I think she borrowed from her sister...I look forward to being mercilessly critical of it.

Tomorrow I'm doing every fun, time-consuming, self-indulgent thing I've been dreaming about doing for the past few months: setting up the drumkit, baking cookies, exercising, doing my nails.

After I get home, I'm going to be playing/hanging out with Alma, giving Stephanie her last guitar lesson(s), looking for info on my new dissertation topic, learning how to read French, planning my lectures, dealing with my father, and helping my stepfather out. I have a short list of people in the city and Long Island who I need to contact and visit, and there are some shows I want to go to.

I can't wait.

[mood | I can't bring myself to really believe it.]
[music | One Tree Hill]

Numerous things happened today: I did homework, I turned in a proposal, I saw Stephanie and we talked for hours, mostly about our new domestic arrangements and songwriting. (There is a slight chance that she will come over to see my new digs on Wednesday night and have a guitar lesson.)

But by far, the most important thing that happened to me on this, September 8, 2008:
I TURNED IN MY MASTER'S THESIS. My master's degree is DONE.

I officially have an MA in Latin American and Caribbean Studies.

So suck it, Ivory Tower -- I fucking survived.

[mood | fucking beat.]
[music | "Note to Self" From First to Last (oh, nostalgia.)]

So what did I learn today? At the school of rock? A few things:

1. The art of band coaching is both way easier and much, much harder than it appears to be.

2. There are tons of hot volunteers and I'm too afraid to talk to all of them.

3. Nine and ten year olds do indeed have the ability to be focused.

4. Running out of the house in a rush and forgetting your phone sucks.

Low point of the day: The staff meeting. I stayed for it, but was too afraid to actually go into the room because I have apparently developed a social anxiety disorder (yes, I am actually considering seeking professional help for this). And also, because of the hot volunteers.

High point of the day: the band I'm coaching has picked the greatest name in the universe: Rocker Spaniel.

And now, to pick an eye shadow and then to bed so I can get up and do it all over again tomorrow. I'm thinking shimmermoss.

So like, I just finished my master's project?

Well, I guess "finished" is a strong word. I just sent the whole thing, bibliography, annotations, notes, chapters and all to one of my committee members. She'll probably want me to rewrite the introduction because it's about my mom dying and how it kind of made me hate school, and then after that I have to send it to my other committee member, who I bet will want me to change everything else about it.

But still, it's like, done. It's written. And I'm already getting papers and stuff from school about how I'm going to get my degree in the mail soon. Sweeeeet.

I think I'm going to celebrate by sleeping till 12 tomorrow. And maybe getting the most massive slurpee possible from the 7-11 around the block from my house.

[mood | Smiiiley]
[music | The George Lopez Show]

--Ticket for Caithlin Demarrais's solo show on 6/6/08 at the Bowery Ballroom: $15 (plus convenience and building charges)

--Round trip off-peak LIRR ticket for Penn Station/ Little Neck: $10.50

--Metrocard refill: $7

--Overpriced Coke and Vanilla Stoli: $8

--Caithlin Demarrais limited edition "The Cottage" EP from the merch table: $5

--Strawberry sundae from ice cream truck outside Penn Station: $4.50

--Conversation with Caithlin Demarrais at the merch table about her new record label, inspiring female bass player/vocalists, her new album/tour, and her telling me to chase my dream of starting a record label: Price. Fucking. LESS.