YOU'RE SO DISCO

look I know there's nothing left here and I have been barging in on things that have nothing to do with me.

I am so fucking sorry for it all, I don't know what's happened to me, but I'm sure you know that I lost my mind.

we don't even talk anymore, that's how bad it was.

And now isn't the time for backing down
Got my feet so firm in the ground;

So call me what you will, I don't care

I know what happened I was there
WE KNOW WHAT HAPPENED WE WERE THERE

I wish people wouldn't be kind liars. I need the truth. If I've put on 25kgs I don't want to be told that it doesn't look like it cuz I'm not blind and you CAN see it. I can barely fit in my clothes and I'm trying I'm going to the gym more days than less and eating better. But it's hard and I wish rather than people being nice they'd help motivate me. Offer suggestions etc. I feel wrong enough in my body without being hideously overweight. get me out of this

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o my love it seems like we're giving up
and o I don't want to think it's so soon
and o my love, it feels like we're drifting apart

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what do normal people do?  what do normal people say?  I'm well aware that I'm not "normal" and never have been, and the term "weird" has followed me far longer than it should have.

How do I become normal when normal things bore me?  I like quoting tv shows and laughing when people say funny things.  I laugh way more than the average person, I have noticed that.  Maybe it's just not that funny.

Maybe nothing is funny.

And I know how to use an apostrophe.  I can spell to a degree, and your and you're make a difference in meaning to me.  That's not normal either, apparently I'm meant to drop my vocabulary and not be quite so anally retentive.

Why am I literally still acting like a 17 year old would?  What happened to me to stunt my emotional growth so badly?  He says he hasn't changed since high school so I must have fucked up something shocking somewhere if I still act like I'm in high school in a bad way.

And yet completely conflicted about goals etc.

What do normal people do?  How do I become more normal?  What is this arrogance people say I have which I can't explain because I don't think I'm better than everybody else, I get excited and want to show people when I improve but I thought that was seeking approval which granted is another thing that needs to go.  I use archaic terminology, which either could be annoying for people who don't know what the words mean, or maybe I should spend more time with people with similar interests.

How do I find them?  How do I make friends with them?
How do I make friends?

So these are the things that he's talking about, and I'm well aware of them.  It makes me wish I could rewind two years and start in this City afresh.  

This one question answers two;

Do I bring out the best in you?

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I'm eavesdropping on some girls at work who are planning on going on diet pills to lose weight. Some of them aren't even that fat, but why? Who actually resorts to diet pills in this day and age?

Someone I know had a stomach band inserted recently. Honestly, I don't think it's a cop out, I think it's just insane. Somebody who chooses that option is harming themselves so much it's fucking surgery for crying out loud.

And the excuse that it's not easy to exercise at that weight doesn't sit with me either. Change your eating habits. Seriously. You'll lose weight and find the concept of exercise easier to stomach.

I've been working hard on fixing a weight problem myself. I literally gained 22 kgs in the space of 14 months. I have stopped dead in my tracks for all the snacks the 'one won't hurt''s and going to the gym and working out every morning before work. It sucks, I would rather stay up late eating pizza than waking up to the gym somedays but I push through it and go. I'm happier because I am. Infact I feel so much better after the gym at work than when I did get my sleep in.

And if these girls at work do jack shit and lose shitloads of weight without changing their diet, without exercising or through mutilation of their internal organs there is no word for it except insulted. I would feel fucking insulted. So I'm going to be happy in the long run anyway cuz I obviously will be the one who keeps it off. Fuck.

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what's following me?

I seem to be on a spree of leaving very short journal entries here.  Hmm.

esprit seems the perfect mix between punk chick and librarian chick I have been looking for for years.

So I'm going to try being an esprit Chick.

opinions?