You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on. Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers. Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again. Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting — over and over announcing your place in the family of things.
once i finally got myself settled enough (under the covers, with my retainers in), i was asleep before i knew it.
and then, pretty much all of a sudden, i was awake. feeling like i wasn't even close to getting enough sleep.
but it was 12.30, so it was definitely time to get up.
and i am feeling better. all of my insecurities have gone to bed, hopefully to stay for a long, long while.
but, christ did my once-soggy eyes hurt like a bitch this morning. i could hardly get them to stay open enought to allow me to walk downstairs.
so i really didn't remember much dreaming about last night, until i took tigerldy's poll. and then i remembered just a snippet. i had a dream i was getting more ear-piercings. another in each ear, which would've made it 3 in one, and 2 in the other (which is strange, since i already have 2 in each ear, but, whatever).
i am still contemplating a hair cut. something to look nice for the fez(!) concert tomorrow. maybe layers, or something.
not like it will matter a whole bunch. we will be tailgating, so i will likely be toast. and hopefully it will be nice and sunny, so i will get assloads of sun (hopefully without burning too badly).
yeah, okay. so, have i mentioned that i love my friends? *sigh*
i am tired-not tired. i slept until three in the afternoon, so i really shouldn't be very tired. but i am yawning, and my eyes are getting goopy and dry and my contact lenses are screaming at me to be left to soak. but not yet.
i have a tiny scab on my left foot, kind of close to the heel, but kinda close to the ankle, too. blah. it hurts quite a bit.
but i get to waitress tomorrow, 11.30 to 4. yay! at least it will be some money (and it will please mom that i'm getting hours, however minimal.
i worked tonight. 4-9.
i hate this house. amy says i said i'd work for her friday, but i never agreed to it. i signed the slip that emily put up at work. i can't believe that there will be three girls that want off on a friday night. i don't know that there will be enough people around to cover all of their shifts.
amy is such a bitch. maybe she will be better after she rests. mom compares her to a baby. always crankiest before the nap.
i finished up writing in a notebook today, and i will hopefully be mailing it out at some point tomorrow. i forget how late the post office-office's open 'til. i think i should be okay, as long as i buy the envelope before i go to work, and address it there, too.
the girl whose book i got sounds pretty cool. hehe, and she has a brother about my age (but that is beside the point).
and i am almost finished with my notebook (yeah, i started a second one). all i pretty much have to do is write some stuff in there, and mail it off to miss em!ly. i don't know whatever became of my first one, so hopefully this will arrive safe and sound.
okay. bedtime. dry, books, dry.
amy is going to six flags tomorrow. hopefully she will take emily with her (not like she invited her other sisters, or anything), and the house will be quiet. i have the feeling that jen from work doesn't really like me (not like i really care), and that's why the whole trip was on the hush-hush, y'know? amy didn't even ask me to work for her (which was kinda wrong on her part). blah, blah.
gotta keep telling myself that graduation's in 2003. from there, however, i don't know what i'm going to do with the rest of my life. professional waitress, at your service.
thoughts of serious self-harm are camping themselves in my mind. i can't let them eat me up.
dad threw off my libra balance by moving my bed. now it's not exactly where it was, and i fear i am going to find difficulty in sleeping.
our room is now more of a mess than it ever was. if something is in dad's way, it is thrown out of the way, making a larger mess than the mess that existed to begin with.
so now i make my way to bed at 4 am. i am going to at least attempt to halfway straighten it up, at least. i refuse to touch amy's things, since she has many of mine in her possession at this point, at lbi with her friend.
like my favorite purple sandals, and 2 of my shirts (i think. one is m.i.a., the other i saw hanging up just yesterday). it makes me mad that amy insists that nobody touches her things, and then she goes and takes everyone else's.
i hate this stupid house. i can't wait to graduate and get out of here.
and mom & dad want me to think about getting my master's degree in education before actually going off to teach. that, for sure, i am not going to do at immaculata, or anywhere near here. perhaps i can get a teaching job by day, and work towards my master's degree at night. oh, and get another job to assure that i can pay for everything that's necessary.
i am contemplating a hot bath. even though it is nearing 1.30 am. i think i just may do it. it will soothe my aching parts after a long, double-shifted day at work.
that, and my hair is naasty, from lack of showerage.
oh, my body is leaving my mind behind. i'd best go clean myself up (and let myself feel better, since i'm currently hating my life).
Y100 FEZtival 2001 Wednesday, July 25th @ Tweeter Center Camden, NJ Gates Open @ Noon
Gates Open @ Noon Main Stage Richard Cheese 2:00 Good Charlotte 2:30 Our Lady Peace 3:30 Vertical Horizon 4:30 Tenacious D 5:20 G. Love & Special Sauce 6:05 Lifehouse 7:10 Weezer 8:10 Barenaked Ladies 9:30
Deptford Mall Side Stage Town Hall 1:15 Athenaeum 2:10 Fathead 3:05 Scapegoat Wax 4:05 Guided By Voices 5:40 Pete Yorn 6:45 Richard Cheese 7:35 Ours 8:55
Y100 FEZtival Do's & Don'ts 1) Pocket cameras are allowed! No professional cameras! 2) One sealed bottle of water, per person is allowed! 3) Blankets are okay 4) Parking lots will open at 10 AM 5) No illegal substances or weapons 6) No umbrellas 7) GA Seating until 5pm
i want to see sarah harmer. i cannot wait (funny, i want to see a third-stage band). this concert's gonna fucking rock.
ohohoh! and tori's rumored to be in nyc october 8th. hopefully in philly shortly thereafter. happy 20th freaking birthday to MEEEEE (and EM!LY)!!!!!
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also... anyone have a copy of alien ant farm's michael jackson cover (or know where i can get one)? i am totally loving the song, but can only hear it when it's on the radio, or mtv, which isn't all too often.
