It's almost the end of 2014 and I haven't written a single damn thing. What an epic fail. But new year resolutions were always doomed from the start, eh?
It's been a terrible year though. It's gone by in a blink of an eye. But it's been miserable. Work has been shit...and since I spend like 80% of my time at work, basically life has been shit. But I just came back from a 5 day trip in Hong Kong so I've got that going for me.
But all in all, 2014 needs to be over like yesterday.
Wow, it's 2014. I didn't post a single thing in 2013. Wow.
So, I'm 26 years old this year. Twenty-six. It seems so surreal every time I think about it because I don't feel old. I still feel inexperienced, immature and unprepared for the world. But that's not why I'm back here.
My sister made me open my old files and in it, I found old stories I use to write. Okay, correction. Not stories, but the first few paragraphs of stories that I intended to write. And it made me remember how much I use to LOVE to write. Not necessarily stories, but just write anything. I've been a keeping a journal since I was in primary 2. I've written stupid ass stories about a ghost investigation club in secondary school. I even wrote like 40 plus pages about this group of teenagers with special powers. I was really addicted to The Animorphs make then, so don't blame me. So yeah,I'm not the best with vocabulary and thought-provoking posts (as you can see) but I've always enjoyed just typing away at whatever that comes to my brain.
I guess the internet and my TV made me lazy. Every since social media came into play, I've done nothing but jump from one popular site to the next. And don't forget that whole year when I was obsessed with American Idol. Not that I regret anything. I just would like to get back into the swing of writing. I would love for my brain to concoct an entire story and it will be like the best story every written but that obviously is just wishes of an immature 26 year old (oh look, we came back to that again). But I think I'm just happy for now, writing down thoughts. My useless, nonsensical, extremely incoherent thoughts.
So, I guess that is my first resolution of 2014: to write more.
So, I watched Bridget Jones last week, the first film and its sequel and I guess I got inspired to start blogging again. Well, hers was writing in a diary and she kept it all to herself but writing is a lot more work and I just really really like typing, be it gibberish or actual awesome English (something which I have yet to master).
Well anyway, her purpose of starting a diary was to make sure she fulfilled her new year's resolutions which was to lose weight, quick smoking and find a boyfriend. It's the start of August which means I'm 8 months too late. I don't smoke so that's a plus. I definitely need to lose weight but never seem to get around to doing it. Procrastination say what? And well, finding a boyfriend is well.....hahahahaha..*awkward silence*
Let's just say it's the last thing on my mind. So, I have my own 8-months-into-a-new-year resolution.
One: Get a job by the end of the year.
I think I'm ready (and by ready, I mean with shaky hands and quivering feet) to start looking for a job. I've put it off for the past 3 months and went to live in my own delusion world that was filled with TV and books and movies. I wish I can go on doing so but I have to step into reality someday and I wouldn't want a whole year to pass me by and be at a disadvantage. So, yes, ready to start LOOKING. Who knows how long it will take me to actually find one.
Two: Lose Weight
Really, self, really? I've been saying this to myself since...secondary four? Jeez. No one is at fault but me, I have to say. I somehow have this crazy delusional insane belief that I can just stare at the wall and POOF, all my fats will disappear. But alas, that doesn't seem to work. My dad bought the XBOX Kinect about a year ago and I must say that it helps me to get off my arse and away from my TV but I can't say I have shed anything substantial. It is a good solution though, it's fun and interactive enough that it doesn't really feel like exercise. I just kinda need to add on something else. And of course cut down on my daily intake.
Well, I guess those are the two main ones. Mini ones would probably include improving my current abhorrent standard of Chinese and being more knowledgeable about current affairs. Newspapers are still the one thing I don't like reading. Tsktsktsk. I should probably add "cut down on number of hours watching TV" to my list but I WILL KILL MYSELF IF I DON'T HAVE MY TV SHOWS. My sister often shakes her head at the amount of TV I watch, and my addiction is really quite bad but I WILL DIE IF I STOP. I MEAN IT.
So, a few weeks ago, I was watching an episode of "New Girl", which is this comedy starring Zooey Deschanel, who really is the only reason why I began watching in the first place.
Anyway, this episode revolved around Nick Miller, who is Jess's (Zooey) roomate, and his discovery of a lump on his throat area that he needed to check out. So his friends (Jess's other roomates) freak out thinking he has cancer and question why he doesn't seem to be as worried as they are and why he doesn't want to go get it checked out. Then, Jess nags at him to do something and "live his life like his last", which Nick then gets fed up at and gives this speech of how he doesn't like to move until he's certain of the outcome, and that's why he's a 30 year old law school dropout whose a bartender and hasn't done anything with his life.
And then it hit me. I am exactly like him. I've never done anything with my life because I don't move. I'm scared to move. There's a comfort in the familiar and it frightens me to move ahead into the unfamiliar. Unambiguity is my mortal enemy.
So now you're thinking, "That's brilliant, Laura. You found out what's holding you back, you know you're problem. You can fix it! Woohoo".
Well, tough. That's easier said than done. In the end, Nick Miller runs into the cold ocean in the middle of the night stark naked and spends the night on the beach with his friends and then goes to the clinic and it turns out that the growth is benign. Maybe I need to metaphorically jump into the cold ocean (since there is no such thing here in sunny Singapore) to be able to deal with the unknown.
Well today has been a shitty day. And with every shitty day comes the urge to ramble on and on to yourself. I mean, how else are you gonna feel less shitty about yourself and your situation? Am I right?
Sometimes I think my parents have their definition of an ideal child in their minds, which evidently I or my siblings are not. Obviously. If everyone got what they ideally thought they could get, then the world wouldn't be as screwed up as it is right? Right. So, therefore, that means that every time my siblings and I remind them of how not ideal we are, they get mad. Which leaves my siblings and I pissed off and bewildered. Okay, not exactly bewildered, of course we have a part to play in annoying them in the first place. It's still upsetting that they expect me to behave in a way that I sometimes don't agree with. And it's maddening that it upsets me because legally speaking, I'm a grown ass adult who is supposed to have a mind of her own.
I guess someway or another, there will always be a part of you that HAS to get your parent's approval, no matter how old you are. Which, I guess, is human nature? Who knows. All I know is, right now, that feeling sucks.
Also, on a completely different note, I've graduated from University. Not officially because I still have to attend a graduation ceremony where they will hand me a empty envelope telling me to pick up the damn cert myself. But, in terms of waking up every morning with the dread of going to school, that's done. For now. Now that feeling will just be the dread of going to work every morning. Which I'm sure is ten times worse.
Well well well, it's a brand spanking new year!...and it's February. Don't ask me where the time went because I'm just as clueless as you.
It's actually really scary how fast this year is flying by. In a blink of an eye, it's already recess week and I don't feel like I've done anything substantial. Like whoa. It's my last semester this year and I'm trying to make it really count. I've been doing my readings like a typical hardworking person would and I'm paying attention in class. *pats self on the head*
The only thing I really have yet to overcome is the fear of speaking up in class. Some classes have more of a lax nature which enables me to open my mouth and speak up. It's just those classes that are content-heavy and have a zillion people fighting to speak up. Or it's those classes where whoever speaks up has such a valid point that you're like "Omg I can't compete with that. My opinion is just gonna sound stupid compared to that."
That's also one of my major concerns stepping into the working world. When I was at Levi's, when someone asked me for my opinion, I would always clamp up and have that deer-caught-in-the-headlines kinda look. I really wish it's something that I learn to overcome and deal with over time, because if not, I'm basically beyond screwed for the rest of my life. That, and the fact that most of the time, I'm also afraid that I'll get judged based on how I look. But that is an issue that is too depressing to talk about.
Anywho, here's hoping this year will be great. That life wouldn't hand me THAT much lemons. *crosses fingers* and with that, I'll leave you with the words of Timmy Turner,
Yowza. It's been 6000 years since I've last posted. My my my.
I'm about half way into my December holidays and it's been pretty swell so far. Save for the fact that I had my wisdom teeth extractions about a week ago. Wasn't as bad as the horrid images that I was building up in my head. It was over in a jiffy and the only painful part was them injecting the anesthesia. Porridge was my best friend for awhile but Marmite really helped it along. All in all, it wasn't all that bad, even though my cheeks kinda ballooned up for awhile.
School ended on a sour note, because I totally effed up my one and only paper due to me being incompetent at reading the bloody instructions. Results were surprisingly not horrible though so I think my professor decided to be lenient. Praise the lord. It was a really tiring and challenging semester so I'm satisfied that my grades were sort of a reflection of the effort that I put in.
Now just one more semester to go before I enter a world that I'm 100% sure will swallow me whole.
But before I take my last step, I'm heading to Malaysia for a few days to eat until my hearts content. The best part is that my sister and I get one hotel room just for ourselves. PARTAYYYY!!! \o/
I HAVE A PRESENTATION TOMORROW AND MY GROUP HAS SPENT THE ENTIRE WEEK COMING UP WITH EVERYTHING BECAUSE WE SPENT WAYYYY TOO LONG COMING UP WITH THE INITIAL CONTENT OF THE PROJECT THAT OUR EXECUTION GOT DELAYED.
IT'S TOMORROW AND I DON'T FEEL PREPARED AT ALL. AT ALL. I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO GO UP THERE AND LET ALL MY GROUPMATES DOWN AND ALL THE WORK THEY PUT IN WILL ALL GO DOWN THE DRAIN.
AND I'M SITTING HERE PANICKING AND BEING UNPRODUCTIVE BECAUSE I HONEST TO GOD FEEL SICK TO MY STOMACH.
I HATE PRESENTATIONS.
WHY DID I DECLARE A MAJOR IN COMMUNICATIONS WHEN I SUCK SO BADLY AT IT. WHY WHY WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
HAAAAVE YOU MET TED? I sure did!!! I saw Josh Radnor at the Singapore International Film Festival last week and I'm still having trouble beliveing that I actually did. He was taller than I'd imagine but I guess anybody is short when standing next to Jason Segal - the dude is freakishly tall. Anyway, he came down because his debut film, Happythankyoumoreplease, was showing. He did a short Q&A session after that and I shot some super blurry photos of him. I seriously need a photography class. So, dude is seriously articulate and has like 10 minute answers for each question. HE CAN TALK. Overall, he is as adorable as always. <3333 COME BACK AGAIN JOSH!
I'm half way through my final year of school. We had a guest speaker in class yesterday and he made us tell him what we wanted to do in the future. It's reassuring to know that my some of my fellow classmates still haven't decided what they want to do. The working world scares me to bits and I'm not exactly looking forward to heading out there to brave the world. I guess it's always good to take baby steps. The trick is to keep breathing. :)
Fall season is backkkkk! I am screwed. Because I watch TV shows only when they come on cable tv which is wayyyy slower than the US. Which means SPOILERS everywhere on my tumblr dashboard. It use to bother me a lot, but I guess it's inevitable when I'm a snail
Finally managed to catch this with Jasmine last week. Finally because we've been postponing it for the past two weeks because of school. You see, school is always the bane of my existence.
Anyway, movie wasn't exactly what I expected. This was a movie I went into not knowing the exact plot and only seeing the trailer once. I was expecting an action packed movie where the apes were reigning havoc on the city and everybody was screaming and the police were failing as they always are in movies like these. That was totally not the case. It was more of a heartwarming (for lack of a better word) between James Franco's character and the ape, Caeser. It was more adorable rather than action packed. Which is fine by me, I love heartwarming stories. It just something that threw me for a loop.
The CGI was incredible. The acting was so-so. I will still never understand James Franco's appeal. He seemed like he was extremely tired throughout the entire movie which is understandble since he's doing 6001 things at once but it was just really obvious. I also didn't realize Friedo Pinto accent was so strong. She's gorgeous as always but she only served as eye candy in this movie because she seriously didn't play any other significant role.
But overall the film came together nicely. A little slow moving in the front but it had all the elements of a heartwarming movie. In addition, Tom Felton is as awesome as always.
