omg, its april fools day?
this is wierd. this is seriously way too wierd. i completely didn't even realize it was already tomorrow, meaning, april 1st. I mean...i didnt even intend to write anything related to that...but i just saw the date up top and it says april 1st...that's just so wierd, i wasnt expecting it.
oh well.
so listen up guys. well as usual, i'm going to warn you that this most likely won't be anything intelligent or well written. But also as usual...if you're lucky enough to keep reading it might turn into something intelligent, once i get the emotional stuff out of the way.
i don't know. i feel like i have so much to write, so much going through my head, meanwhile i just really can't express it. maybe i am just too tired, too lazy, to use my brain to extract those thoughts, but either way, i feel like all i want to do is say 'i dont know.' the only problem with that, is that it obviously doesnt solve my problems--not that i have any--but you catch my drift.
i feel like all i do is reminise [sp?] these days. i suppose i feel as though i've come so far and i've reached the end of my westport life, my adolescence, whatever and now i have nothing left to do but reflect. meanwhile, this is completely untrue to my lifestyle and my thoughts, because i honestly don't think that this part of my life is ENDING, it's simply TRANSITIONING into another part. I know i will be in westport, often actually, even once i leave for college. i know i can come back and visit teachers and staples, if i want. i will definately still stay in touch with everyone, even if it's just during the summer. i'm not worried about it at all.
maybe it's that i feel like i have one last chance to make everything right, but maybe that's not true. Even if i did believe this, which i dont--it's simply an excuse for myself to justify something--i dont think that there's nothing there is for me to make right.
i guess i definately feel a little like i haven't fully lived out high school to its greatest potential. well, i know i havent. but for the MOST PART, ive enjoyed it for what it is. even lame nights, months--of no boys, driving around, being dumb, and just all that crappy high school stuff, was fun it its own lame typical high school kind of way.
and i guess i'm also a little bit distraught now that lindsay has had me thinking about senior prom. truthfully, i don't even want to think about it. it's so far away, and i just don't even know what to think of it, and am not interested in blowing it out of proportion with excitment...because there's simply no point, except that it would give me something to distract my attention, which i don't want, seeing as i still have until AP exams to do work and go to school.
i mean, there are other things on my mind, but nothing i need to share wtih you--and the other 20 you's that might happen to stumble across this journale entry at some point for some odd reason or extreme boredom. i guess to say, i am tired now and am not really being reasonable, but this year is not yet over. college doesn't start until the summer ends, and in order for it to end, it must start. aka--we really do have a lot of time left here. Instead of walling in the past, and doing all sorts of invaluable thinking, we should all enjoy what's left. there's not too much of it, but it is there, and it will never necesarily end, it will just change.
our lives will not end, our senior year will not end, our "westport days" will not end. all this stuff is just going to change a little to fit our college lifestyles, or job or army lifestyles, whatever it is we choose to do. So let's enjoy ourselves now.
we should do something we've always wanted to do.
we should be prepared, but ready to be spontaneous
we should enjoy ourselves!
oh well.
so listen up guys. well as usual, i'm going to warn you that this most likely won't be anything intelligent or well written. But also as usual...if you're lucky enough to keep reading it might turn into something intelligent, once i get the emotional stuff out of the way.
i don't know. i feel like i have so much to write, so much going through my head, meanwhile i just really can't express it. maybe i am just too tired, too lazy, to use my brain to extract those thoughts, but either way, i feel like all i want to do is say 'i dont know.' the only problem with that, is that it obviously doesnt solve my problems--not that i have any--but you catch my drift.
i feel like all i do is reminise [sp?] these days. i suppose i feel as though i've come so far and i've reached the end of my westport life, my adolescence, whatever and now i have nothing left to do but reflect. meanwhile, this is completely untrue to my lifestyle and my thoughts, because i honestly don't think that this part of my life is ENDING, it's simply TRANSITIONING into another part. I know i will be in westport, often actually, even once i leave for college. i know i can come back and visit teachers and staples, if i want. i will definately still stay in touch with everyone, even if it's just during the summer. i'm not worried about it at all.
maybe it's that i feel like i have one last chance to make everything right, but maybe that's not true. Even if i did believe this, which i dont--it's simply an excuse for myself to justify something--i dont think that there's nothing there is for me to make right.
i guess i definately feel a little like i haven't fully lived out high school to its greatest potential. well, i know i havent. but for the MOST PART, ive enjoyed it for what it is. even lame nights, months--of no boys, driving around, being dumb, and just all that crappy high school stuff, was fun it its own lame typical high school kind of way.
and i guess i'm also a little bit distraught now that lindsay has had me thinking about senior prom. truthfully, i don't even want to think about it. it's so far away, and i just don't even know what to think of it, and am not interested in blowing it out of proportion with excitment...because there's simply no point, except that it would give me something to distract my attention, which i don't want, seeing as i still have until AP exams to do work and go to school.
i mean, there are other things on my mind, but nothing i need to share wtih you--and the other 20 you's that might happen to stumble across this journale entry at some point for some odd reason or extreme boredom. i guess to say, i am tired now and am not really being reasonable, but this year is not yet over. college doesn't start until the summer ends, and in order for it to end, it must start. aka--we really do have a lot of time left here. Instead of walling in the past, and doing all sorts of invaluable thinking, we should all enjoy what's left. there's not too much of it, but it is there, and it will never necesarily end, it will just change.
our lives will not end, our senior year will not end, our "westport days" will not end. all this stuff is just going to change a little to fit our college lifestyles, or job or army lifestyles, whatever it is we choose to do. So let's enjoy ourselves now.
we should do something we've always wanted to do.
we should be prepared, but ready to be spontaneous
we should enjoy ourselves!